Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Been days

So I have an idea for another short story, but no time to write it. How irritating this school shit is. I've gained like 5-6 pounds since finals week started because I haven't been exercising and the only way I can get through the torture of writing these papers is to eat. If I ever needed confirmation that I wasn't designed for academic work, this is it. I didn't feel that way while I was making the film, not at all, and I don't feel like that when I'm writing. It's the academic shit, the researching and referencing and SYNTHASIZING other people's ideas rather than coming up with my own. That's what drives me crazy. That's what drives me down.

That's what I'm not going to do anymore, not after this semester, not unless it's necessary. I HAVE to do some research today and I'm dreading it. The topic is interesting but I want to THINK not read complex legal opinions written as obfuscation of obvious political goals. I don't want to have to engage lies as if they were serious arguments. I don't want to read Scalia, that Italian Stallion of neo-conservative bullshit.

Last night I watched the boxing matches with Emeka. He had a bad headache but they were some pretty great fights, especially Pac-Man vs Marquez, wow that was a barnburner. Anyway he recieved almost a dozen pages and calls on his cellphone while we were wathing. I don't know how he has time to THINK with all those incoming requests for his attention and companionship. It's just such a radically different thing than I would ever want. I'd be happy with like 10 good friends to talk things over with, and maybe a romantic interest to fool around with once or twice a week. That last bit's optional though.

He's probably got upwards of a hundred people he considers friends. I can't fathom it.

I'm so listless right now. My head hurts, I'm tired, I don't know what I want to do next. I'm lonely but I don't really want to be around people.

Ugh ugh ugh.
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