Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Leave your mind alone and just get high.

I've been very frustrated recently with my lack of creativity and mental acuity. "But wait," you say, "You never had any creativity or mental acuity to begin with!" Blow it out your ass.

Anyway I'm still not sure what's responsible for the drop. I'm thinking that diet might play a large role. I've been dropping weight at a pretty rapid clip and while that's good long term I think it's playing havok with my energy levels. I am getting out and exercising and all that, but my legs just aren't under me in the mental realm. It could also be the summer, I hate the heat and it's starting to get hot. That might be slowing me down. FInally there's the stress/frustration factor. All the issues are interelated and confusing and quite frankly I don't know which is the largest contributor, if there is a largest contributor.

All I know is that I sit down at my computer, open up a blank document, and stare at it for awhile like George Bush trying to understand subtlty. Then I get frustrated and go do something else, like kick the cat or watch Maury to discover who that nice 13 year old's baby's dady is. I can't even self medicate with food like I used to. Sure I can get up and grab some nice low calorie snack, but pickles just don't have the same soothing effect that chocolate ice cream does. Of course if I mixed those two I would have something a pregnant woman might eat, but that's a place I don't want to go.

Anyway I'm frustrated and unsure what to do. It's not that I never get ideas, it's just that I can't do anything with them. For example a couple days ago I was downtown and I saw the marquee to B.B. King's club. It had the Wu Tang Clan's Masta Killa one day and a Gospel brunch the next. Normally this would be excellent joke fodder. Something like "How do you even Advertise that? Do you package it as a sin and atonement deal? Get your soul dirty with sex and violence one night and then wash it clean with homages to the lord the next! What happens if the club gives the wrong tickets to someone? Would a gangbanger at the gospel brunch be more uncomfortable than a pastor listening to Masta Killa opine "Moving with the tiger strike, bound, gagged, and shot"? What about people who voluntarily attend both shows? What if you enjoyed Masta Killa more? "Yeah, God's great. Big fan, big fan. Like the Masta Killa more. The gospel stuff has a lot of great melodies, but not enough mentions of the violent rape of virgins. God's good, violent rape of virgins...slightly better. Slightly better.""

See I have ideas, but they're LOUSY ones.

I don't know whether this will resolve itself in time. If it doesn't then I will attack the problem at its possible sources. This journal will get better. My life will get better (not that it's so bad right now.) It's just a rough patch.

Whew.
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