My boss for the website I'm doing some work for called me, and I'm going to have to start moving on this project soon. I am not overly enamoured with the idea and I have a feeling I'm going to have to do most of the work myself, which is unfortunate. If I get the temp job and I'm doing that, I'll have even less time for writing, although hopefully more experiences and inspiration. On the plus side I'll be keeping busy while I look for a film job and I can continue focusing on prolonging my life through weight loss, which is probably not a terrible idea.
I've been talking to a friend who has immense hostility towards women. This is not uncommon, and it's something I've written about before in this journal. What's interesting to me about this particular guy's hostility towards women is that he definitely wants to get married, but he laments all the flaws that his future wife will probably have (from her promiscuity in her younger days, to her spending habits, to the way that she nags him about everything.) He does not have a fiance. I understand that there are reasons why people marry women who they don't really like, from cultural expectations to fear of being alone to money etc... I don't understand why one would expect such a marriage in this society, though. Men who bemoan the shallowness of women but then make shallow demands themselves have always puzzled me. The stereotype of this is the geek who lusts after the cheerleader who won't give him the time of day, because she wants to date the jock. But isn't the geek being just as shallow and pathetic by lusting after her, rather than a less attractive geeky girl who has the very same sorts of qualities he wishes the cheerleader would recognize in him? In 80's movies this was a consistant theme, and I've always thought it was moronic. Why should she care about your intelligence or sweet persona when all you're interested in is the size of her breasts? Sometimes this is defrayed with some sort of nod to good qualities she has, like intelligence or compasion or something. That's never where the attraction comes from though, it's never that the guy meets a wonderfully sweet girl at the animal shelter who just happens to be a wonderfully beautiful woman who he must then pursue despite his lack of physical beauty or social status. The same thing with my friend, who has a cutoff for physical beauty but none for education or volunteer work or any of that crap that doesn't revolve around straight teeth and curvaceous buttocks.
The other relevant point is that I think that marriage in our society is probably a bad idea, at least for men. There's not a whole lot of social cache left in it, there's some level of benefit in terms of insurance from your employer or whatnot, but most of the major issues like medical decisions and inheritance can be dealt with through legal methods that are much more easily reversed than marriage. The risks are enormous. There's the ever-present alimony and community property (which wouldn't be such a big deal if it were more fairly distributed) there's the fact that in many states you're required to pay child support for children born in a marriage even if you can be proven not to be the father, and then there's the whole concept of divorce in and of itself. Of course marriage has its benefits too, and I'd think that it might be worth it if there were a greater social stigma to dissolving a marriage or at least a greater incentive to not do so. That's not really the case anymore in our society. 50% of marriages end in divorce is the popular statistic, but of course that statistic lags by a significant margain, since we don't know how marriages from the mid to late 90's will end for the most part (You can predict from actuary tables and curves, but serial monogamy is in and I wouldn't be shocked if we see a whole bunch of 10-15 year old marriage from that time period start busting up.) You never know the statistics from the time you get married. Plus there's the fact that different demographics have different rates of divorce, and I don't know many people who live in communities like Pennsylvania Dutch Country where the chances of a marriage ending prematurely are so low as to be insignificant. This means that the rates in the sorts of places where my friends need to congregate are even higher than the national average. Throw in the lack of distance for observation in the average engaged person and you have a recipe that often ends in disaster. The numbers don't make sense. You might say "But, if I find my soulmate, of course I'd want to get married!" People say that all the time, get married, and get fucked over. Nobody goes into a marriage expecting to get divorced, except those yuppies who believe in a starter marriage, which may be one of the weirdest and most disgusting trends of modern times. Starter marriages still use the "till death do us part" vows and so they are by definition hypocritical, yet people engage in them all the same.
Marriage used to be a contract by which a woman could achieve stability and security of a sort while doing domestic work for her husband. That makes sense to me. Now it's a contract where two people with similar employment scenarios agree to cohabitate and breed for a time being, and then have to go through an ugly proceeding in order to seperate. That does not make sense. Throw in my friend's misogynystic and dismissive views on women, and it's like saying "I'm going to go get caught in a bear trap. God I can't believe that, it's going to be really painful. That sucks."
He should just avoid the trap rather than complaining about in advance. Marriage is only done properly in Massachusetts because, as fumoffu would say, it's really gay.