I'm a little disappointed by the fact that I know this piece I'm working on won't be accessible or interesting to people other than myself, but I'm still excited to work through it. My writing process is very organic, I work through a story lightning quick in my head first and then I retrace my steps to put it on paper and flesh it out there. The main problem I have is that most of the time I lose interest while I'm doing the 'put it on paper' part because I already know what I'm going to say, and I get frustrated by my inability to be as eloquent as I'd like. This story is different because the complicated structure of it allows me construct something of greater complexity and interest than what I could build in my head. The problem is that much of the structure of the piece comes from its linguistic rhythms and those can't be written down effectively. I can go back and pare down some of the language or expand on other parts to help some but ultimately it's a poor substitute for my own knowledge of how it's supposed to be read. I'll also write a forward, but I can't coach people through every rhythmic change and alteration. It will fail, but it will be a failure that grabs me while I write it and may hold the secret to how I can motivate myself in the future. It's very exciting and I don't want to go to sleep tonight even though I know I should.
I saw a lot of beautiful women on the street and in the subway today, and as it turns out my pants were ripped. This doesn't really bother me for some reason. I am so happy about what's going on internally that I couldn't care less what others think of me or who calls me picklehead.