Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Last day of early 20's

It's almost my birthday, December 22nd, which will mark my entry into the bracket of mid-20's. That's not particularly important, I know. Life is a continuum and the markers and milestones we set up have relevance only in retrospect so we can group and analyze our memories. I haven't liked birthdays for quite some time now. I don't like parties that center around me because then I feel compelled to be "on" and sociable throughout when I'd rather be off in some corner reflecting on things or cracking myself up with visual sight gags playing out in the theater in my mind. Presents are usually a disappointment except for the occasional interesting musical album or film or book, and I can count the ones of those I've liked on one hand. I miss my father terribly and one thing that is starting to appear on my radar is that in about one and a half years I'll have lived more of my life without him than with him. That's a milestone that's going to be kind of hard to deal with, and I don't want to work out the exact math on it for that reason.

This birthday will be extremely mellow. My mom already gave me my present, a 20 gigabyte Ipod. I knew what it was going to be about a week ago when I told her she didn't need to get me anything and she said she'd already gotten it and that I would be receiving it. I'd previously told her I was thinking about getting an Ipod, but had decided that the money would be better spent on digital video stuff. That's what I really wanted, a tripod and some lighting, but even my mother knows that's not the sort of stuff you buy for someone else when you have no experience with the medium. The Ipod is a decent gift. She should have spent the extra $100 and gotten the 40 gig version, or at least given me the option of returning it and spending the extra money myself, but after the rocky way our relationship has gone these last few weeks I just thanked her and took it. It's almost full already with my current music library, but smoothing things between us is worth not having the extra music. I'll only be living here a few more weeks with her anyway, hopefully, and they might as well be as comfortable as possible.

We actually got into a bit of a fight today. I was supposed to have dinner with her boyfriend and his family but I got hung up at work and called her cell phone to tell her I'd be late. She didn't have her cell on and didn't bother to check her messages so when I got out of the Subway about an hour later I had 2 messages on my cell telling me off for ditching them without calling anyone. She claimed I was being passive aggressive and sending a "message" that I didn't want to be involved in her life, a whole lot of other hurtful stuff. It's that sort of thing that makes me need to get out of this place.

I know it shouldn't matter to me but I think that with a cellphone in one pocket and an Ipod in the other I'm going to feel like the sort of "I must have the latest toy!" technophile I've tried to avoid being. I was kind of fond of my cheap ass CD player and all the Cds I carried around in my overburdened coat. It forced me to choose what songs I'd take with me on a journey and made me look like an idiot whenever I had to sort through my pockets for something. Oh well, we all evolve with the times.

I won't be doing anything else on my birthday so tomorrow there will be time for a long introspective entry on the past year and the immediate future. Fun stuff. Something that I haven't mentioned much is the fact that tomorrow, which is as of the writing of this sentence 12 minutes away, my trust fund will roll over into my control, meaning that I'll have approximately $215,000 in fairly liquid assets free and clear. I'll be spending a little of that money right away. I might buy a new tripod with some of it, I already promised to pay my mom back $3660 for my schooling and I'll take on a few more expenses that she's been paying. She's hurting for money right now and I want to be more independent. I thought I was saving that money for a rainy day when I couldn't get work for years and to avoid being homeless, but that was my depressed self talking. I have enough faith in my future prospects that I can spend, within reason, and enjoy a little bit of it. Nothing crazy like a fancy car or a super-nice house, just a few things for projects and a couple low cost luxuries.

My boss did a nice thing and put me in a promotional material for his film. I appreciate that. It was his present to me. I'll be sorry to leave this job.

Better post this before the clock hits midnight.
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