Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Story time

Dear Readers:

It has come to my attention that some of you little chickadees have been very very bad, reading and writing materials not approved for your consumption by either the Church or the Republican party. Some of you have even looked at things that promote and celebrate evils like homosexuality or political opposition. I realize that this is probably because you do not have enough officially sanctioned reading available due to the misbehavior of the liberal media. To help rectify this situation I have decided to present you with one of my personal favorite stories that is not nearly as widely known as it should be. It was written by one of America's greatest martyrs, Mr. Michael Milken, who was martyred in 1989 by the Demoncrats for the great and selfless act of parting fools from their money. A conspiracy of the liberal publishing houses has kept it from wide circulation but I obtained a copy from a trusted friend and I know that Mr. Milken would approve of it being shared here. Of course by reading this far you have already committed to sending him $20 for the privilege of knowing about the story, but I can't imagine anyone objecting to that. Please send the money to:

Michael Milken
777 Mansion Lane
Goldstreets California
90376

"How Wal*Mart and GodBush saved the happy slaves from the evil unions"

Once upon a time in a paradise called Mississippi there was a Wal*Mart superstore. From the outside it was like any other superstore: well-lit, clean, and filled with all the things that the little people need to have happy lives. There was liquor, crisp-looking inedible lettuce, and over 30 different compact discs with pictures of indistinguishable young white people on their covers. Consumers walked through the aisles picking the items that the big-screen televisions told them they wanted off the shelves and placing them into baskets, following orders as beautifully as an SS officer, but without all that unpleasantness that comes from making a mess. In this Wal*Mart there was never a mess, for if anything was spilled or tracked in or fell to the floor an omniscient voice would come on the loudspeakers and a young man named Jose or Carlos or Enrique would scurry forth with a dustpan or a mop to purify the beautiful floors. Of course there was no literary filth on the shelves, no breasts or liberal magazines to be seen in the sanctified reading racks that offered such holy opiates as the Weekly World News and, of course, "Family Council Weekly."

Everything was beautiful on the inside as well as the outside, because in Mississippi there were none of those vile "fair labor" laws that the Demoncrats use to restrain the lovely free flow of capital. In some states the Wal*Marts were held responsible if a worker was injured while sensibly locked inside to protect him from following his animal nature and stealing, or workers were forced to take more money than they deserved by governments bent on evil. Why it was said in Oregon that a worker could not take less than $7.25 an hour for his labor, a princely sum that lead many on the path to moral ruin as they found they had sufficient money to eat at the occasional fast food restaurant or rent their own apartment or any other manner of devilry that tends to confuse an inferior worker and make him forget his rightful place in the world. Meanwhile that money was kept from where it could do real good in the world. It was a dark day indeed when one of the Walton heirs, Biff, or so the story names him, was told that he could not have a third gold-plated yacht because the Oregon government wanted the money to go to some kind of creatures known as "employees." He cried himself to sleep on his pillow made from the softest human kidneys, and tried his hardest to make do with only two.

Mississippi had also done away with other nastiness, like abortion for women who's filthy behaviors had lead to their having a beautiful baby implanted inside of them, already kicking around and ready to go work, or the viciousness of a tax holocaust against the wealthy. There were rumors from Indiana of a tax being levied against the most productive members of society, and all reasonable people recoiled with a mixture of terror and rage at the news. None could quite imagine what would drive someone to take 1% of the income from some poor working stiff who had to toil in an office for seven or eight hours every day and to redistribute it to some lucky duckies who got to play around with hooks and bone saws in a meatpacking plant and didn't even have to pay ANY tax on their $10,000 a year of income at all. In comparison the Nazis' attempts to wipe out the Jewish element were downright rational.

Just because Mississippi wasn't an unbearable hell like Oregon or Indiana didn't mean it was entirely pure. In addition to a few faggots and other undesirables polluting the land with their unbearable presence, there was a serpent in the garden. A serpent known as "The Union." The union was a cult more evil than all the others, a cult bent on nothing short of the destruction of everything good in the world. It would seize upon an innocent employer, just minding his own business increasing the GDP and creating jobs, and make savage demands upon them. Sometimes they would demand wage increases, corrupting the naturally indolent worker, sometimes ludicrous things like health insurance or even child care. Sensible people, even children, cried to the heartless union "What are you thinking? Don't you know that with health insurance the inferior scum will spend all its time at the doctors office, shirking their duties and sucking up time doctors could be spending serving the beautiful and valuable rich?" But the union just snarled and started barking like a mad dog, even going so far as to claim that sub-inferiors like women should have equal rights and treatment to the normal inferiors. They forced the hands of the employers and sapped their bank accounts. It looked for a time like the Bentley dealer in Jackson might have to close down, so dire was the situation. No one could understand why the union was ravaging the land.

Meanwhile back in the Wal*Mart things were still as they should be. The union was kept out, despite its efforts to wheedle in to the great store. Oh it sent its cultists to try and corrupt the workers, or even infiltrate the labor force with its agents. The management of the Wal*Mart was clever and vigilant though, and every time a union man would poke his nose inside the store he would be thrown out without getting two words from his putrid filthy mouth. Any employee who had contact with such a vile beast, as sure to transmit the disease of egalitarian thinking as a faggot will transmit AIDS, just being in the same room is enough, was fired and told never to return. Peace was kept and all were happy inside the bright clean mega-building.

Unfortunately the union was a sore loser, as all such horrible institutions are, and it sought an ally it thought would have the strength to battle the Wal*Mart. It seems, chickadees, that way back when the unions ruled the land and the oppressed CEO was forced to subsist on only 100 times as much as the average worker made, barely living that is, it had made a pact with the federal government. This pact stated that no store or state could destroy the union, and that the government would help it impose its sick agenda on innocent victims of all kinds, including the Wal*Mart. The union called upon the government and demanded that it help the union preach its lies in Wal*Mart to the unsophisticated ears of the drones. Despite the might of the great Wal*Mart empire the federal government was larger, and some would say stronger, still and it looked like a real threat had finally emerged, a threat that might allow the vicious union entry into the sanctity of the Wal*Mart.

Upon hearing this news many shoppers despaired. "Why are they doing this?" They cried. What is wrong with the union? Doesn't it know that absolute obedience to the upper class is the American way? The world was created so a certain group of people would be rich and they are the important ones. Everyone else deserves absolutely as little as is necessary for his or her survival, perhaps a bit less if they are lazy. The workers are without value, wasting resources on them is an abomination! The Walton family DESERVES its wealth. Don't the unions know that if your ancestor works hard or manages to defraud people out of or steal a great deal of money then you deserve to be rich forever and never have to work again, while if your ancestors were stupid and didn't get rich you deserve nothing but to live in squalor and serve those descended from one of the great golden gods? This is the principle America was built upon, and one it is returning to, yet the unions sought to slow the process. Had not the great Republicans patiently explained that if you aren't rich you aren't anybody? Hadn't they generously offered to keep polluting points of view and filthy entertainments from the eyes of the inferiors? Why would anyone oppose such greatness? The people despaired.

Fortunately the Wal*Mart was not without hope. You see as corrupt and evil as the federal government is, it had recently been conquered by a great and powerful being, the Godbush. The Godbush was a symbol of Republican holy might and he knew the truth. Brown people's deaths are irrelevant if the great golden rich gods have something to gain from them. There is no need to help the poor, the poor are a lost cause and their misery is of no consequence. He did not support the unions. But how could he save the Wal*Mart in time? Turning back the direction of the federal government takes time, and the Wal*Mart was already under siege. Then the Godbush struck upon a plan. He had managed to convince the feds that terrorists were evil, and that of course he the Great God Bush should have unlimited power to punish those who might be in league with them. Were not the union leaders economic terrorists, striking fear into the hearts of the good people of Mississippi? Indeed they were. He sent his forces to purge the leaders of the union. The great holy forces of the Godbush stole into the leaders' houses late at night, smashed the heads of their children against the walls so that there would be no heirs to their thrones of evil, and spirited them away to prisons hidden far away on the island of Cuba. Since the Godbush did not have to explain himself or why he did the things he did, as it should be, the union terrorists were kept there forever and never returned to plague the good people of Mississippi and the Wal*Mart continued on its holy mission to provide joy and comfort to all who saw its great glowing blue sign. As an act of further largess the Godbush had the only abortion clinic left in the state bombed, killing a few evil workers and reminding the poor women of Mississippi that their place is as spawning grounds for future generations of wage-slaves, not individuals with choices.

That is the story of how the Wal*Mart and the Godbush conquered the evil union and saved the state of Mississippi, and I hope that you see the many important moral lessons carefully hidden within it. I want each of you children to tell me what you learned from this lovely tale, and if you answer well I will give you the great story of how the Godbush and the Wal*Mart teamed up to save the innocent children of Indian from being ripped away from their precious looms and forced to go to a horrible horrible torture place called "School."
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