Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Another script

Here's the unstoppable Bob script I was working on. Not done yet, obviously, and needs some trimming towards the front, but for the first twenty pages I think it's coming along alright.





                 

               UNSTOPPABLE BOB

               INT. A SLEEK AND MODERN OFFICE -- MORNING

               P.O.V. A JOB REGISTRATION FORM -- MORNING

               The form is white and printed on crisp expensive looking 
               laser stock.  It looks professionally prepared.  At the top 
               it says "Genericorp job application form: pre-incident 
               customer protection center." As the camera scrolls down we 
               see expected fields like "Name" and "Education" and then 
               come to some unusual questions like: "Emergency room 
               incidents, inedible objects consumed, inappropriate licking, 
               and voting record in the 2004 election."

                                     MALE VOICE (O.S.)
                         Uhhh...excuse me.

               The camera looks up and we see we are in a very large room 
               with a vaulted ceiling.  There are a group of young men, 
               aged between 18 and 35, sitting at white molded plastic desks.

               They are dressed with varying degrees of formality, ranging 
               from hunting plaids and cap to several wearing dress shirts 
               and ties with sports coats slung over the backs of the chairs. 
               They are all wearing nametags. The speaker looks to be about 
               25. He's wearing a short-sleeved blue shirt with a yellow 
               tie and a trucker cap. His nametag says "HARRY."

                                     HARRY
                         Can I get an extra sheet of paper? I 
                         gotta write about the time I tried 
                         to bleach my teeth, only, uhh, I 
                         didn't know you needed a special 
                         kind of bleach… The question is 
                         addressed to JAKE, a 27-year-old man 
                         sitting on an oak desk at the front 
                         of the enclosed area. He is wearing 
                         a cheap-looking suit with a white 
                         lab coat over it. His arms are folded 
                         over his chest and he looks patient 
                         and authoritative.

                                     JAKE
                         If you'll look to the top of your 
                         paper you'll note instructions for 
                         just such an occasion.

               Harry and a few others scan the tests with blank looks on 
               their faces. A few seem to find the indicated passage but 
               Harry and some others seem confused. Jake seems both 
               frustrated and unsurprised.

                                     JAKE (CONT'D)
                         You can just write on the back.

               Harry's eyes perk up and he nods happily. He flips his paper 
               over and starts writing furiously. Jake leans back and runs

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                                                                         2.


               his hands through his hair. Another man pipes up. He's one 
               of the younger ones, maybe 19. He's wearing a plaid shirt 
               and jeans, and he has a mustache that is overly ambitious 
               for the current thickness of his facial hair. His nametag 
               says "Petey."

                                     PETEY
                         Uhh…Mr. Jake. I woul'n't bother you 
                         but… He holds up his right hand. The 
                         forefinger is bleeding from under 
                         the nail.

                                     PETEY (CONT'D)
                         I was picking at the staple from the 
                         application and uhhh…I think I cut 
                         myself pretty bad. I'm bleedin'.

               Jake nods calmly.

                                     JAKE
                         It happens. If you want to go to the 
                         restroom and wash it out there's one 
                         right down that way He points.

                                     JAKE (CONT'D)
                         There's also a medical station right 
                         next to it so they'll give you a 
                         Bandaid.

                                     PETEY
                         I thank you. What about my 
                         application?  Should I leave it here 
                         or…?

                                     JAKE
                         You know, you can just bring that to 
                         me and I'll take care of it for you. 
                         I have a feeling you're an excellent 
                         candidate.

               Petey smiles and brings his application up to Jake. He hands 
               it to him and waves as he walks off towards the bathroom. 
               Jake gives him a big fake smile and waves back. He looks 
               down at the application. It's full of spelling and grammatical 
               mistakes, and streaked with some blood, which Petey apparently 
               tried to rub off it but only succeeded in smearing around. 
               There's a lengthy section about the time Petey tried to shave 
               his poodle's legs with a "Lady Schick" razor. Jake places it 
               on the desk, picks up a big rubber stamp off an inkpad and 
               stamps a large "Approved" mark in the box designated for 
               office use only. He sighs.

                                     SARDONIC MALE VOICE
                         How goes it? Any future rocket 
                         scientists?

               Jake looks up to see BOB, a 28 year old man dressed much 
               like Jake is, only with a better suit. He's also a little

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                                                                         3.


               bit on the short side. He's standing next to the desk and 
               rolling his eyes at the men filling out applications. None 
               of them seem to notice.

                                     JAKE
                         I think we've definitely got some 
                         likely hires in this group.

                                     BOB
                         Great. I've got a fifteen minute 
                         break, come get a Clark bar or 
                         something with me.

               Jake looks over the applicants. One of them, his nametag 
               says Zach, is sniffing his test and then takes a moment to 
               lick it. He considers the taste thoughtfully. Jake checks 
               his watch.

                                     JAKE
                         Can't, They've still got 22 minutes 
                         left.

                                     BOB
                         Dude, they're not infants. You can 
                         leave them for a little while. They'll 
                         be fine.

               They turn back to the group. Zach is licking his paper again, 
               only this time on the edge. He cuts his tongue, puts his 
               finger to it, and looks at the blood in surprise. He sees 
               Bob and Jake staring at him and quickly pulls the tongue 
               back into his mouth trying to look nonchalant. He goes back 
               to the test.

                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         They signed waivers…

                                     JAKE
                         Alright, I can come for like five 
                         minutes.

                                     BOB
                         That's the spirit. Shirk your shitty 
                         responsibility and come get a Clark 
                         bar. They're peanuty delicious.

               Bob turns to the applicants and speaks loudly

                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         Hey, guys, I need to consult with my 
                         colleague here for a few minutes, so 
                         we're going to leave you here.

               The group looks up with mass confusion on their faces.

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                                                                         4.


                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         Don't get any ideas about cheating 
                         or anything 'cause this whole place 
                         is rigged with cameras.

               The group looks around hesitantly for the non-existant 
               cameras.

                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         Yeah, that's right. I'm not going to 
                         name the perpetrator but we saw you 
                         picking your nose too and that was 
                         really gross.

               Three of them blush, another wipes his hands surreptitiously 
               on his pants.

                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         So finish your applications, no 
                         pressure, he'll be back in time to 
                         collect them. We can only accept 6 
                         candidates this cycle so if you finish 
                         your application early you can jot 
                         down some reasons why we shouldn't 
                         take some of your fellow applicants 
                         there, anything you noticed or they 
                         said to you or whatever. Thanks a 
                         lot. Good luck fellas.

               The applicants turn to look at one another with suspicion. 
               They start writing furiously.

               Bob turns and walks out of the glass enclosed area. Jake 
               follows. As they reach the doorway there's a loud crash. 
               They turn back to see that Zach has fallen out of his chair 
               into a heap on the floor. Jake looks at him carefully. Zach 
               springs to his feet, smiles, his teeth smeared with blood, 
               and gets back in his seat. Jake takes a step towards him but 
               Bob grabs him by the arm and leads him away.

                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         He'll be fine. I doubt this is the 
                         first time he's swallowed his own 
                         blood.

                                     JAKE
                         Yeah, probably.

               They walk a few steps.

                                     JAKE (CONT'D)
                         That was really mean, what you said 
                         about the six applicants. Do you 
                         think they took it seriously? The 
                         instructions on the applications 
                         clearly state that we accept all 
                         qualified applicants.

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                                                                         5.


                                     BOB
                         If they knew how to read instructions 
                         they wouldn't have gotten this far.

               The two of them walk on in silence past rows of cubicles and 
               various "testing areas." In one of them a man is attempting 
               to pull the hose of a vacuum cleaner off of his crotch while 
               a young woman in a labcoat takes notes on a clipboard. In 
               another a long-haired man appears to have gotten his lock 
               caught in the door of a microwave oven, which is singing the 
               hair into a plate of chicken cacciatore. A deep male voice 
               comes on over a public address system.

               PA VOICE

               THE LADIES ROOM IS NOW OUT OF ORDER-

               A nearby woman groans loudly.

               PA VOICE (O.S)(CONTINUED)

               WE WOULD LIKE TO REMIND EMPLOYEES NOT TO FLUSH ANY NON-
               ORGANIC ITEMS IN THE TOILETS. THAT INCLUDES EMPTY SOAP-
               CONTAINERS, BABY DOLL HEADS, AND BROKEN PDAS. THIS IS A 
               TESTING FACILITY. YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR ANY ITEMS THAT 
               YOU BREAK. PLEASE REMAND ANY BROKEN ITEMS TO ONE OF THE LAB 
               TECHNICIANS. DO NOT SNEAK INTO THE LADIES ROOM AND TRY TO 
               FLUSH IT. ANY EMPLOYEE CAUGHT FLUSHING INAPPROPRIATE ITEMS 
               WILL BE FACED WITH DISCIPLINARY ACTION.

               Jake and Bob reach the snack machine area. There is a 
               relatively long line in front of one machine. The other is 
               marked with an out of order sign and has two men in vending-
               machine company uniforms working to cut loose a man in a 
               hunting cap who appears to have gotten both his arms stuck 
               in the machine. None of the people on the line look 
               particularly surprised at this turn of events. Neither Jake 
               nor Bob seems to notice it.

                                     BOB
                         God I'm sick of this.

                                     JAKE
                         You're the one who wanted a Clark 
                         bar.

                                     BOB
                         No, the whole…thing. I didn't bust 
                         my ass in industrial engineering 
                         classes to end up a moron wrangler.

               JAKE

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                                                                         6.


               THAT'S NOT FAIR. WE'RE PRODUCT TESTING TECHNICIANS, WE'RE 
               RESPONSIBLE FOR PROTECTING THE PUBLIC FROM POTENTIALLY 
               HAZARDOUS-

                                     BOB
                         We're responsible for protecting 
                         Genericorp's ass from frivolous 
                         lawsuits by morons. We're glorified 
                         zookeepers, only we don't get to 
                         handle cool things like lions or 
                         alligators. We wrangle morons.

                                     JAKE
                         We deal with a lot of unusual 
                         characters but I wouldn't say…

                                     BOB
                         Dude. They're morons. You know that. 
                         Look at Jerome.

                                     JAKE
                         Jerome's a special case

                                     BOB
                         No, not really. He's not the first 
                         one of them to get his eyelashes 
                         caught in that model of fan.

                                     JAKE
                         See? it's a hazardous product, clearly 
                         we need a label or some redesign or…

                                     BOB
                         We need a "Keep fan away from eyes" 
                         label? Yeah. Whatever. Look, I don't 
                         want to do this much, or any, longer. 
                         I want to get into product 
                         development.

               JAKE

               SURE, WE ALL DO. BUT YOU GOTTA WORK YOUR WAY UP THROUGH-

               BOB ROLLS HIS EYES

                                     BOB
                         Come on. We both know that you and I 
                         would be developers already if it 
                         wasn't for that cunt Kwan.

               Jake looks around quickly. Nobody seems to be paying 
               attention. The candy-machine guys are cutting in to the metal 
               frame of the machine.

                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         Oh come on, she never comes down 
                         here. She has better things to do.

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                                                                         7.


                                     JAKE
                         Maybe if you treated her with a little 
                         respect she'd be more interesting in 
                         hearing your ideas.

                                     BOB
                         I give her plenty of respect.

                                     JAKE
                         During your last performance review 
                         you told her that if she didn't like 
                         your high number of tardies she could 
                         bend you over the desk and spank 
                         you.

               Bob snorts.

                                     BOB
                         It was just a suggestion. Anyway, 
                         I'm tired of wrangling morons for a 
                         living. I want to work with people 
                         who have never had to have any of 
                         their fingers or toes sewed back on 
                         more than once. We need a plan.

                                     JAKE
                         Yeah. I guess so.

                                     P.A. VOICE (O.S.)
                         Ladies and gentlemen, we have had 
                         another licking related injury today. 
                         Please remember not to lick any items 
                         that are not designated as food items 
                         or are not in a designated food item 
                         area. Also the edges of cans can be 
                         sharp. It is important to remember 
                         this. Under no circumstances should 
                         you lick anything that is plugged 
                         into a wall socket or has moving 
                         mechanical parts. Inappropriate 
                         licking may result in disciplinary 
                         action.

               As the P.A. voice wraps up Bob and Jake roll their eyes a 
               little and turn back towards the line. Behind them a young 
               woman is walking towards the line. She is another engineer, 
               wearing a businesslike blouse and skirt with a lab-coat draped 
               casually over her shoulders. She is young, probably 24 or 
               so, with shoulder-length auburn hair and startling blue eyes 
               behind a pair of wire-rimmed spectacles. When she sees the 
               two of them standing there she quickens her pace and a smile 
               breaks out across her ruby lips. When she speaks it is more 
               sultry than perky.

                                     YOUNG WOMAN (EXCITED)
                         Hi Jake!

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                                                                         8.


               Jake and Bob turn to see her. Jake's lips turn upwards in a 
               slight smile. Bob's turn up into something of a smirk

                                     JAKE
                         Hi Jen. How goes…everything?

                                     JEN
                         Good…well. Ummm… I think we're making 
                         real progress with the security mini-
                         car trunk hatch. Owen was able to 
                         make seventeen out of twenty simulated 
                         flashlight retrievals without incident 
                         While they talk Jen is slowly 
                         maneuvering her way ahead of Bob and 
                         Jake in the line for the candy 
                         machine.

                                     JAKE
                         And no amputations?

                                     JEN
                         No more amputations.

                                     BOB
                         Hey Jen, what's up? I can't believe 
                         you don't recognize me, what with 
                         all my debonair charm.

                                     JEN
                         Hi Bob. I recognize you.

               Jen reaches the position directly behind the guy who was in 
               front of them in line.

                                     BOB
                         Cold. And after I was so nice to you 
                         when you first came here.

                                     JEN
                         Okay, Bob, for the last time, grabbing 
                         my ass was not doing me any favors.

                                     BOB
                         Okay, for the last time, there was 
                         something on the seat of your pants. 
                         It looked like a centipede, could 
                         have been poisonous, I might have 
                         saved your life, but I guess that 
                         wouldn't count as "doing you a favor."

               Jen stares at him, waves of incredulity sloughing off her 
               face and into the atmosphere.

                                     JAKE
                         You might want to give that one up 
                         and just apologize, Bob.

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                                                                         9.


                                     BOB
                         There was a centipede. I will not 
                         renounce the truth.

               Jen rolls her eyes. She turns to Jake.

                                     JEN
                         Why do you hang out with this dick?

               JAKE SHRUGS

                                     JAKE
                         We've known each other forever. He's 
                         not really so bad after the, uhh, 
                         first ten years or so.

                                     BOB
                         I have incriminating pictures. He 
                         went through, what I guess you'd 
                         call a "I'm a pretty princess" phase 
                         back when he was 13. He gave it up 
                         almost…uhhh I guess it would be nearly 
                         15…months ago, but I have photographs.

               Jake shoots Bob an unkind look and then gives a little 
               resigned sigh.

                                     JAKE
                         I still say that dress enhances my 
                         natural bustline and brings out a 
                         certain sparkle in my eyes.

                                     JEN
                         Ooo…kay.

               They have reached the front of the line, with only one man 
               in front of them carefully selecting his item from the 
               machine. The technicians working on the other machine have 
               managed to cut the stuck man loose. He stands up and shoves 
               an object in his still clenched first into his mouth, then 
               quickly spits it out. It's a Baby Ruth bar, still in the 
               wrapper. The technicians look on with a combination of pity 
               and irritation. The unstuck man scrambles for it on the floor 
               and stuffs it into his pocket. He springs to his feet and 
               glances around, then walks off nonchalantly. He is bleeding 
               slightly from the wrist and he grasps it as he walks. The 
               Baby Ruth bar sticks out of his pocket. The technicians sigh.

               The man in front of Jen takes his candy and leaves the 
               machine. She goes up to it and peers through the glass, 
               popping in a few quarters. She makes a selection and pulls a 
               bag of Malted Milk Balls out of the drawer. She turns her 
               body to go then thinks twice and looks back over the machine. 
               She smiles and pops in a few more quarters, making another 
               selection. This time she gets a Clark bar and slips the milk 
               balls into a pocket of her lab coat, turning to leave.

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                                                                        10.


                                     JEN (CONT'D)
                         Pleasure as always, gentlemen.

               BOB

               IF YOU WANT SOME REAL PLEASU-

               Jake elbows him in the ribs and he stops his sentence short. 
               Jen rolls her eyes.

               She starts to walk away, unwrapping the Clark bar. Bob steps 
               forward to the machine and deposits his change. He looks 
               through the glass for a few seconds

                                     BOB
                         Hey, that was the last Clark bar!

               Jen turns and smiles.

                                     JEN
                         Yeah.

                                     BOB
                         I was looking forward to that.

               Jen takes a large bite, pushing a stray bit from the corner 
               of her mouth into it. She chews for a second and then 
               swallows.

                                     JEN
                         I know.

               Bob snorts. He drums his fingers against the glass in 
               indecision then turns to the other, broken machine. He walks 
               past the two maintenance workers who seem to be trying to 
               figure out what to do now, reaches in through the sliced 
               metal and glass, and plucks a Clark bar from the rack. They 
               look at him, somewhat miffed at his audacity. He shrugs. 
               They look at each other and shrug.

               Jake goes to the machine and, using Bob's money, buys some 
               Jujubees, which he puts in his pocket. The two of them start 
               walking back towards the testing area. Bob unwraps his Clark 
               bar and starts to eat it, talking through small mouthfuls.

                                     BOB
                         So when you gonna make your move?

                                     JAKE
                         With Jen?

                                     BOB
                         No, one of those candy machine repair 
                         guys was making eyes at you. Good 
                         looking fellow too, that soul patch 
                         was really working for him.

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                                                                        11.


               JAKE SNORTS

                                     JAKE
                         I'm not.

                                     BOB
                         Why not? She likes you. She's a good 
                         girl. Birthing hips. Large but still 
                         perky…bust.

                                     JAKE
                         You're such a romantic. I don't really 
                         think she likes me that much. For 
                         one thing I hang out with you.

                                     BOB
                         She kissed you at the Christmas party.

                                     JAKE
                         On the cheek. That's nothing. My 
                         uncle Ernesto kisses me on the cheek. 
                         Do you think he's interested in me?

               Bob pauses for a second and looks up and to the left.

                                     BOB
                         Not sure. I don't know your uncle 
                         that well.

                                     JAKE
                         She's out of my league, man, and 
                         there's the whole work thing. We're 
                         just uhh…friendly acquaintances.

               Bob rolls his eyes. An Asian woman in her late 30's comes 
               out of an elevator about 30 yards away, she is trailed by 
               three men in dark suits. She has a somewhat severe look on 
               her face and a clipboard. She scans the room and starts over 
               towards an area, clicking open a pen.

                                     BOB
                         Oh, shit, there's Kwan. You better 
                         get back. I'm gonna go brown nose a 
                         little.

                                     JAKE
                         Yeah. You're doing a great job with 
                         that so far.

               Bob shrugs and starts heading off. He then turns back to 
               Jake after a second.

                                     BOB
                         Hey, if you're not going to make a 
                         play for Jen, do you mind if I do?

                                     JAKE
                         You? Seriously?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        12.


               Bob shrugs.

                                     BOB
                         She's hot, pretty bright. Might as 
                         well take a shot. We've got a little 
                         bit of a love/hate relationship going 
                         on.

                                     JAKE
                         You mean with her hating you and you 
                         loving her…ass?

                                     BOB
                         50-year marriages have been built on 
                         less.

               Bob turns and goes towards MS. KWAN. Jake walks back to the 
               application area, not far away. The applicants are all there, 
               some writing furiously some peering down at their papers in 
               seeming confusion. Jake slides back on to the desk and pulls 
               out the Jujubees, popping open the box.

                                     JAKE
                         Sorry I took so long, there was a 
                         small problem but it's been taken 
                         care of. Any problems while I was 
                         gone?

               Everyone looks up at him for a few moments but nobody 
               responds. Jake checks his watch.

                                     JAKE (CONT'D)
                         Any questions?

               The guys look around for a few seconds again, then Petey, 
               sitting at a desk without a paper in front of him, raises 
               his bandanged hand.

                                     PETEY
                         Can I have a Jujubee?

               Jake looks around at them again and tucks his upper lip into 
               the lower one for a second or two.

                                     JAKE
                         Sure… Would anyone else like one?

               Slowly and in small groups the rest of the group raises their 
               hands, except for one with a nametag that says HAROLD, who 
               looks conflicted. He speaks in a deep and slightly slurred 
               voice.

                                     HAROLD
                         Only if it's not a red one. I don't 
                         like the red ones, I think they're 
                         cherry but I don't like them.

               Jake nods slowly.

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                                                                        13.


                                     JAKE
                         Okay. You can have a different color, 
                         Harold.

               He passes the box forward to the group, confident that it 
               will come back empty.

               INT. THE OFFICE, RECEPTION AREA -AFTERNOON

               The lobby is large and sterile looking, with muted blue walls 
               and a few chrome accents. There's a large reception desk in 
               the center with three young bored-looking women sitting at 
               it. There are security guards near the long halls on either 
               side of the desk, but they barely glance at the few people 
               who are coming and going, some flashing security badges and 
               some not bothering to. There are flat-screen monitors set up 
               around the edges, and they display various programs ranging 
               from stock reports to a slick informational film about the 
               building and the company. Jake, now sans labcoat, is standing 
               near the reception desk watching one of the flat screen 
               televisions, on which a balding doughy 30-something ANCHOR 
               is reading, while sitting at a desk on a cheap-looking desk. 
               On the desk is written "Genericorp Information Channel" and 
               to his right there's a graphic of some wooded land.

                                     ANCHOR
                         Genericorp has finally received the 
                         necessary permits to utilize the 
                         space behind its head offices in 
                         Richmond. The company agreed to donate 
                         generously to the Council of 
                         Indigenous Peoples' scholarship and 
                         building funds, and in exchange the 
                         Council has withdrawn its objections 
                         to the proposed building on what it 
                         has until now considered a potentially 
                         sacred burial site. Spokesman Peter 
                         Brownrabbit announced that the new 
                         money would help much of the local 
                         youth attend college, and would 
                         represent a significant resource for 
                         local tribes who are trying to gather 
                         the funds to build an independently 
                         financed Casino project. Genericorp 
                         builders have agreed to be careful 
                         about unearthing any potential 
                         remains, and has announced that if 
                         any are found they will be relocated 
                         to another nearby burial ground. 
                         Financial terms of the settlement 
                         have not been disclosed at this time. 
                         Building is set to begin Saturday, 
                         May 14th.

               Turning now to the lighter side of news, Bertha from human 
               resources just celebrated her 48th birthday. She's been with 
               the company for 16 years now, and I'm sure all of us want to 
               thank her for how sensitively and wisely she hired the layoffs

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        14.


               last month. Thank you Bertha-Bob, having also divested himself 
               of his labcoat, walks up behind Jake and glances at the 
               monitor disapprovingly

                                     BOB
                         What the hell's the point of having 
                         an internal company news network? 
                         Can't they just send out memos?

               Jake turns to him.

                                     JAKE
                         I don't know, maybe it's some 
                         complicated tax write off. Nobody 
                         reads memos anyway.

                                     BOB
                         Nobody watches this crap except you. 
                         (sarcastic) Did they get around to 
                         announcing when the water fountain 
                         on 16 would get fixed?

                                     JAKE
                         I haven't seen anything.

               Bob rolls his eyes.

                                     BOB
                         You ready to split? We've got no 
                         work tomorrow thanks to Leroy and 
                         his 'unique' handling of that chemical 
                         waste product. That makes this the 
                         start of a long weekend and that 
                         means I've got to get drunk and laid 
                         by midnight. I'm very goal oriented.

               They start to walk out towards the exit. Jake waves 
               halfheartedly at a couple of the receptionists and security 
               guards. They wave back with even less enthusiasm.

                                     JAKE
                         Hey Bob…

                                     BOB
                         Yeah?

                                     JAKE
                         You know that wooded area out back?

                                     BOB
                              (mock spookily)
                         The old Indian graveyard?

                                     JAKE
                         Yeah

                                     BOB
                         What about it?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        15.


               They go through the glass doors and into the parking lot. 
               It's still bright out and they are confronted with a sea of 
               cars, expensive closer to the building and progressively 
               cheaper as they get further away. Jake and Bob start walking 
               towards an area about 4/5ths of the way from the building.

                                     JAKE
                         Genericorp just got the permits to 
                         build on it. They're going to turn 
                         it into a parking structure.

                                     BOB
                         Great. If I get a spot a little closer 
                         to the building I'll be able to sleep 
                         like 5 minutes later in the morning.

                                     JAKE
                         Yeah, but, well, they're going to 
                         start building on Saturday, and since 
                         we don't have work tomorrow… Jake 
                         stops, and after a few more steps 
                         Bob stops as well and turns around. 
                         He does not look happy.

                                     JAKE (CONT'D)
                         You know I always wanted to check it 
                         out, but I didn't want to, you know, 
                         disturb anything. Now though, well 
                         it's already going to get ripped up 
                         on Saturday…

                                     BOB
                         Dude, it's just a bunch of trees and 
                         moss and probably some deer there. 
                         Do you think we're going to walk 
                         around back there and just like 
                         stumble over a human skull? Even if 
                         we did, would that be a good thing?

                                     JAKE
                         No…I don't know. It always seemed 
                         interesting. I just want to check it 
                         out one time. It'll take like half 
                         an hour, tops.

               Bob looks disappointed and annoyed.

                                     BOB
                         Come on, man. Beer. Babes. Pinball… 
                         women.

                                     JAKE
                         You already mentioned women.

                                     BOB
                         I consider babes and women to be two 
                         distinct species, the babe carrying
                                     (MORE)

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                                                                        16.


                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         considerably more of her weight in 
                         the..uhh.. bust region, while the 
                         woman having…

                                     JAKE
                         Dude, it's like six o'clock. Nothing's 
                         going to be happening for hours. 
                         Let's just check this out then we 
                         can go.

               Bob sighs.

                                     BOB
                         You're the wingman tonight. It's all 
                         about me.

                                     JAKE
                         When are our excursions not all about 
                         you?

                                     BOB
                         I'm just saying.

               EXT PARKING LOT EVENING

               Bob and Jake walk through the parking lot towards a wooded 
               area behind the office building. The cars in the lot are 
               starting to thin out as people head home. As they turn the 
               corner of the office building and head towards the back they 
               are the only people visible.

               EXT. WOODED AREA  EVENING

               It's a thickly wooded, slightly marshy, deciduous forest 
               area, with lots of underbrush and dangling vines. The sun is 
               starting to set and the light is filtering through the trees 
               at sharp angles, the area is somewhat dimly lit but visibility 
               is still adequate. The two men are walking through a small 
               valley-like area with hills on either side. Jake is picking 
               through some thorny bushes and glancing around at the various 
               greenery. Bob is following and looks somewhat miserable. 
               Both of them have muck on their shoes and the cuffs of their 
               pants, and Bob has a little splattered on his cheek and the 
               front of his shirt.

                                     BOB
                         I signed on for a nice little walk 
                         in the woods. Nobody told me it was 
                         going to be a swamp. We should have 
                         changed our clothes.

                                     JAKE
                         Come on. I'll pay your dry cleaning 
                         bill. Woods have dirt and streams, 
                         mud is something you really ought to 
                         expect.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        17.


                                     BOB
                         Can you even get mud out of Versace?

                                     JAKE
                         That's not Versace, it's a knock 
                         off.

                                     BOB
                         The drycleaner doesn't know that.

               As they walk Bob's shoe comes off in a pile of leaves. He 
               mutters something angry under his breath, picks it up, hopping 
               on one leg, dumps it out and slides it back on to his foot.

                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         Okay, I hate this. I thought there 
                         were like 15 acres back here, it 
                         feels like we've been walking for 
                         two hours!

               JAKE CHECKS HIS WATCH

                                     JAKE
                         Only off by 79 minutes. You're getting 
                         closer. Come on, let's just go in 
                         one direction, we're bound to find a 
                         highway or a house or something and 
                         we can get back to our cars.

               BOB

               I'LL TELL YOU ONE THING, I'M GLAD THAT THEY'RE GOING TO PAVE 
               THIS AREA OVER-

               HE SLAPS AT HIS ARM

                                     BOB
                         There's like 20 million mosquitoes 
                         here and about a billion thorns and 
                         I haven't seen a single grave marker 
                         or even a fucking deer. If this is 
                         what paradise is like I say bring on 
                         the parking lot.

               Jake is picking through some brush when a voice come from 
               over the hill on their right.

                                     VOICE (O.S.)
                              (Yelling, but slightly 
                              muffled)
                         Get away!

               Jake stops and cocks an ear.

                                     JAKE
                         Did you hear that?

               Bob looks annoyed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        18.


                                     BOB
                         Hear what? I was too busy thinking 
                         about the porterhouse you're going 
                         to buy me tonight.

                                     JAKE
                         Shhh!

                                     VOICE (O.S.)
                         I said get!

                                     JAKE
                         You heard it that time, right?

                                     BOB
                         I guess.

               Jake starts up the hill.

                                     BOB (CONT'D)
                         What're you doing?

               Jake looks back.

                                     JAKE
                         Someone could be in trouble.

                                     BOB
                         What? What kind of idiot would be 
                         out here? He probably deserves what 
                         he gets. Plus what're we going to 
                         do? It could be real danger. I'm 
                         tired of just the irritants out here.

               Jake rolls his eyes.

                                     JAKE
                         Come on!

               Bob grimaces and starts climbing the hill behind Jake. He's 
               stronger and in better shape so he catches up as they crest 
               it. They look down to see a man down at the bottom of the 
               hill in a ravine-like area, devoid of vegetation. His foot 
               is trapped under a big rock. There is a trickle of blood 
               coming from under the stone. He is a Native American, in his 
               late 40's or early 50's, dressed in western clothing, but 
               dusty and timeless looking without any logos or patterns, 
               just beige material. He is holding a cigarette lighter up 
               and waving it at two hungry looking wolves circling his body.

                                     TRAPPED MAN
                         Go on!

               Jake looks around wildly for a moment, and then lunges and 
               picks up a large branch that had been lying on the ground. 
               He whacks it against a tree hard, and it splinters, he starts 
               looking for another. The Native American man looks up at the 
               two men standing over him.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                                        19.


                                     TRAPPED MAN (CONT'D)
                         Thank goodness! (yelling) HELP!!!

                                     JAKE
                         Hold on!

               Jake picks up another branch and swings it hard against the 
               tree. It holds.

                                     JAKE (CONT'D)
                         You get the rock!

               Bob looks up in disbelief.

                                     BOB
                         I what?

               Jake starts running down the hill, shouting loudly and waving 
               the branch over his head. The wolves glance up at him and he 
               shouts at them fiercely. He whacks the branch against the 
               ground several times and it makes a loud noise. The wolves 
               growl. Bob looks confused for a few seconds and then snarls 
               and runs down after Jake. He dashes over to the trapped man 
               and kicks at the rock. It doesn't budge. Jake swings his 
               club at the wolves, they start to circle him. Bob reaches 
               down to the rock and shoves it with all his might, digging 
               in with his legs and back. After a moment it starts to slowly 
               move and he manages to push it up off the ground, the man 
               reaches down with his non-lighter hand and pulls his leg 
               free, and Bob drops the rock. The man reaches down to his 
               leg and quickly rips off some of the shredded material over 
               his bleeding ankle. He reaches for a dried stick nearby and 
               deftly wraps it in the material, then he holds the lighter 
               to it. It takes a few seconds but the material starts to 
               burn. He hands the shift to Bob who looks at the wolves and 
               walks towards them hesitantly, brandishing it. Faced with 
               the two men, one armed with a club and the other with fire 
               the wolves snarl and then slowly back away retreating, then 
               they turn and dash up one of the hills. Bob and Jake let out 
               huge sighs of relief and drop their weapons, looking drained 
               from the whole experience.
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