Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Hurricane Whatisname

I can't be the only one who thinks that Rita is a lousy name for a hurricane. Katrina could be the name of an icy Eastern European bitch, the type who'd hack your heart out and spit in the hole, but Rita? Rita's the mom who always brings cheap lemonade to soccer practice. Rita's a skinny comedienne with some ability but nothing earth shattering. Rita's a business owner or professional with impeccable credentials. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with the Ritas of the world. There are intelligent Ritas, competent Ritas, beautiful Ritas, a whole variety of great Ritas out there to be discovered. Not scary Ritas though. Rita's not an intimidating name. It's not a name that makes your blood run cold or your skin crawl. It's not the right name for a 150 MPH winded Hurricane about to rip through Texas like a nuclear bomb.

Now Renee, there's a deadly Hurricane if I ever heard one. Renees are nasty, bitter, and French. Just the sort of people who would send the residents of Texas running for the nearest border. The kind of bitches who will tear a state to shreds and then glide away leaving everyone else to clean up after them. I propose that this hurricane be renamed Renee, or something else at least mildly intimidating.

The fact of the matter is that hurricane naming has a profound effect on how many people evacuate and how many stay. I think that we should start naming hurricanes in accordance to their power, leaving the sinister names for the category 5s and 4s, and 'soft' names like Rita for the tropical storms. What manly man is going to flee Hurricane Rita? You might as well call it Hurricane Cecil, or Hurricane Fauntleroy. In fact I think we can do away with the alphabetical order and gender rules altogether and just go with what sounds nastiest.

So a tropical storm would be Rita or Pete.

A class 3 might be a Charlotte or a Manny.

And a class 5 hurricane? Maximum destruction? Untold of catastrophe? We could call that a George, a Dick, or a Condoleeza.

I know I'd be scared.
Tags: bush, humor unedited, hurricane, katrina, rita
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