Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

Fucking workers

iconoclast recently made a post celebrating the collapse of workers' unions in America. Unions have haunted iconoclast for much of his adult life. He often wakes up at 4 AM covered in a cold sweat deathly afraid that Rick Wagoner is going to have to give up his dream of owning a third yacht in order to pay for health insurance for employees' children, who, let's face it, don't do GM any good at all. "No, Rick, no" he is known to exclaim "Don't give up on your dreams. Never give up on your dreams. We'll find a way!"

Whatever your opinion of unions it is probably time to admit that they are barely hanging on as relevant entities in American life. I for one couldn't be happier. It's nice to see the big corporations win this battle. I'm tired of the little guy getting his way. "Oh, we want a living wage. Oh, we want a 10 hour work day. Oh, we want safety regulations. Oh, we want healthcare." Whine whine whine.

Let me educate you.

In terms of value to a corporation the pyramid looks like this:

At the top of the heap you have the executives. They make all the good decisions that keep business humming along. They think outside the box, inside the box, and in a manner not inconsistent to being partially in the box. Take the auto industry, one of those that has been brought low by evil unions. In the 1980s, when the Japanese auto industry started to really push into the American marketplace, the commentariat was all like "Maybe Detroit should make more efficient, better, cars, rather than butt ugly gas guzzlers." Detroit said no. They were going to stay outside the box. They continued to make an inferior product despite losing market share and money hand over fist. That's vision, my friends, that's standing up for what's right against all the naysayers and nattering nabobs of negativity. That's why when you think of a 1980s

These people CLEARLY deserve as much money as we can shovel into their pockets.

Right below executives you have shareholders. These are the people who spent money to buy partial ownership of the company from the people who initially spent some money to start the company. By doing this they create lots of wealth and turn America into a utopian paradise. I don't like to throw the word hero around, but these people? Heroes in my book.

They deserve a good chunk of cash as well.

Below shareholders you have workers. I'm not really sure what they do. Mostly complain and strike I think. Anyway, they don't do Innovate and Think in a Synergistic Forward Direction (tm) like executives, or Create Wealth like the investors. They are lucky that they get ANY money for all the trouble they cause basically doing nothing for anybody. They probably should PAY the executives for the privilege of being associated with their Forward Thinking Vision. Soon they will. These are the scumbags who populate unions and demand that they be paid up to 1/800th of the amount that their CEO makes (INCONCEIVABLE.)

Let's face it, the economy isn't working properly if a CEO isn't paid more before Lunch on January 1 than the average worker makes in an entire year. That's a fact.

Anyway, the collapse of the unions is going to be a nice windfall for our corporate overlords and I for one am excited to see how they'll split up the loot. Here's my guesstimate:

8% - Lawyers and politicians who helped bust the unions. "Hey Larry, you're no longer a security guard. You're an Inventory Supervisor. No more overtime, but you get a new name tag, which is only going to cost you $10."

25% - Executive bonuses. Way to cut costs guys!

12.5% Paying off the taxes on the bonuses.

7.25% Paying off the paying off of the taxes on the bonuses.

7% Extra special bonus for the guy whose idea it was to give everyone big bonuses.

15% Early buyout money for the guys in the Pimlico plant, whose jobs are being moved to New Delhi.

12.25% Birthday party for the CEO's wife. Including ice sculptures and theme midgets.

13% Cash dividend...I mean heroes.

So you see the money will be well spent on those who need it most. I am just heartsick over the fact that for so long we have spent so much cash on the lazy and undeserving. What a waste. It's time for us, as a society, to stand up and say DAMN IT, THE RICH NEED TO BE RICHER. They need carriages of gold, and fine draft horses to pull them. As for the "Workers?" Fuck them. If they wanted to be rich, they would be. They like it in the gutter. They like it being poor and powerless. They like dying of preventable diseases because curing them is NOT WORTH THE MONEY. If that's how they like it? Well why shouldn't we oblige?
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