Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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I don't want to be a candidate for vietnam or watergate, cause all I want to do is bicycle bicycle bicycle

So today I went to look at bicycles. I need an exercise activity I can do during the summer and by myself and bicycling is pretty ideal. I grabbed Charlie (cause he used to manage a bike shop and actually knows stuff about them beyond those are pedals and those are the spinny whatchamahoosits...the...you know...with the moving...yeah...the WHEELS) and we went down to the bike shop on 96th.

We nosed around for awhile until a salesman finally came around to helping us. He was a hefty fellow and I was glad for that because I wanted someone who suggest a bike that could support my ample frame and still be comfortable. Anyway after his initial schtick (He even tried the old underestimate the customer's weight to ingriate yourself trick. Excuse me...do I look like a 14 year old girl? He also spit out technical jargon like he was an Ecuadorian Iguana, saying stuff that even had Charlie scratching his head. Thank god he wasn't working for a commision or he would have made my head explode) he gravitated right to this yellow mountain bike that was on sale and he pulled it out for me to try. It was a bit weird experiencing bike shocks for the first time, but otherwise it felt pretty good. So I decided to take it out for a test ride. On the way I noticed that the wheels were dirty which turned me off a bit since I like expensive purchases to be pristine, but I figured at least I wouldn't be fucking up a BRAND new bike if I wiped out. Charlie and I went down to the park where I got to ride a little.

And I fell in love. The thing handled like a dream, I could barely feel it beneath me and the braking action is so damned smooth that if you wiped a baby's ass against it you'd probably scratch it up (the braking action not the baby's ass)

There's an old cliche that you never forget how to ride a bike and that's certainly true, but beyond it this bike felt like it was made for me. And it looked like it was made for me too since yellow has always been my favorite vehicular color.

We went back to the shop and I decided to buy it on the spot since I knew that there was no way I would find one that I liked better (Even if there had been an equal to it out there I would have still gravitated back to the first one because of how much it impressed me intially). The Salesman started rattling off all the accessories I needed and Charlie confirmed that they were pretty much neccesities so I just bit the bullet and got it all, from odometer/speedometer computer to strap on tire pump. I made sure to get an extra dorky helmet so that any attractive aspect of the gorgeous machine would be nullified and the women would continue to stay away in droves, and I rode the thing home. I really really like this bike.

Unfortunatly I couldn't go out for a real ride because I am now officially sick. My nose has been running like it was in a marathon and my voice has started to go. I treated myself to an unhealthy dinner (since I didn't eat lunch or a snack or anything) and I could barely taste it. I just hope that I can get my Spanish done tomorrow.

Quite frustrating though. I find my soulmate in bicycle form (Best way to find it, a bike can't refuse to let you to ride on account of a handlebar ache) and I can't ride it because I'm sicker than Dee Snider's underwear collection.

Soon though. Soon I will get out on the road and make my ass feel like it just went through a WWE affiliated fraternity initiation.
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