Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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I don't need anyone. And these days I feel like I'm fading away, like sometimes when I hear myself.

I can't seem to get any balance going in my life. School, work, diet, exercise, relaxation, sanity, sleep, contemplation....24 hours a day just isn't enough. The problem is that I expend so much energy doing everything that even though I'm a tad hyper these days I just don't have enough longterm focus to get through a week without letting some stuff slide. Apparently right now it's Spanish and food. I got my first Spanish test back and it was another 81 (shades of early June.) It's alright...the test's are only 20% of the grade culmulative and the lowest grade is dropped, but I was surprised because I had thought I had nailed it. Turned out I had messed up the first, easiest part. I'm still not sure how. Anyway I screwed it up and I've also been eating extremely poorly. The exercise has helped somewhat (I've been biking pretty hard, cutting more than a minute off my two lap time every time I do it, which isn't bad at all) and even though my weight has stayed about the same I've lost some waistline size which is a good thing. Still, I wish I could get my hands on all the reins at once.

In terms of other stuff...well work has been going pretty well. I'm absolutely FULL of ideas which I keep spewing out in an attempt to help the experiment and the PHDs are starting to take notice. We've already attempted some of my suggestions, some of which have actually been at least somewhat helpful, and we're going to try more tomorrow. I'm also making sure to get the grunt part of my work done well and I'm logging plenty of hours. So I can't really complain about work. My world war II class has also been going decently. I've kept pace with all the readings (as I swore I would) and I've contributed at least some stuff to class. Unfortunatly on wednesday there was a fire in the garage of the building and I was the one who insisted we evacuate (I've heard TOO many stories of brave people burning to death to play games with fire safety) which pissed the professor off because he wanted to finish. I'm sorry that when I saw the fire trucks pulling up and the cherry picker extended to the building we were in I wanted to leave class even though there was no smoke. Guess I'm just lazy like that. Anyway even though it probably messed up my grade for that class I'd do it again if given the choice because it was the smart thing to do. There ain't much worth burning to death over.

Sleep I am not getting enough of. That's a constant with me but it's been really bad recently. I need to find more time for shut-eye.

Also I've been stiffing reflection. I've said over and over again that it's REALLY important for me to spend some time just THINKING every day and I've been denied that recently. It's come out in my journal too, with my entries being lists of events in my life rather than thought out commentaries on the world, or specific aspects thereof.

I will get back to that ASAP. I intend to get some stuff up this weekend even though I have a lot of reading and a Spanish composition to do. God damn it I WILL get it all done. I'll be happy and well adjusted if it KILLS me.

Goals for this week: Food, Spanish, Spanish. I know that I shouldn't be so worried about a grade but I am. I'll make sure to write about this soon.

So fucking much to do and no time at all.

P.S. I did finally manage to convince elenelle that my plan of angst-free permanent mutual ignoring is a good idea which means that there are unofficially no more females reading this journal (officially there are still two whose friends list I am but they never comment so I assume they just skip over the entry when they see my name, which is just peachy by me) and for some reason this pleases me to no end.

I should probably contemplate that too.

But first, Sueno
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