Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Laugh at me, look down at me, and walk around on me

I had a very depressing day today at work. I spent most of the morning watching my boss learn how to perform surgery on a rat. I was occasionally asked to do some small task or other but mostly I was just in the way while her husband did a rather shoddy job of surgically implanting a tube in the rat's jugular vein (when you take so long that your subject wakes up TWICE during surgery you know that you aren't exactly giving a stellar performance.) I felt useless and was basically told that I will NOT be trained in the performance of this surgery because I'm leaving relatively soon. I expected that I WOULD be trained in the surgery but I guess that was just because they SAID that I probably would.

It was during this few hours of standing silently and watching them that I realized how the rest of my life is probably going to go. I KNOW I have the brains and talent to get stuff done. I've been told over and over by a WIDE variety of people who have no reason to lie to me that I'm extraordinarily bright and I almost never find myself behind the curve in terms of understanding stuff. The thing is that I'm not RUDE enough. I'm not going to stand up and tell my boss that she's WOEFULLY underutilizing my talents by making me an errand boy/data entrant with no more responsibility than one of the pathetically untalented Youth Oportunity Program members who come to look at internet porn and do horrible jobs.

It pisses me off that I'm a much better and more efficient worker than most of the other temp workers but they get a lot more responsibility because they flat out REFUSE to do or drag their feet with the grunt work. Just because I'm not going to give you a hard time doesn't mean that you should take advantage of me to do all the shitwork. I've already tightened up your ship considerable, improving at least two of your procedures, confirming important facts about how various factors effect the thing you are measuring, and consolidating files for you.

But I'm not good enough to get a chance to try some ACTUAL surgery or anything.

Anyway the reason I think that this is going to be a preview of things to come is that the squeaky wheel DOES get the grease and I'm hardly the squeaky wheel in any situation. I have this crazy old fashioned belief that you do your damned job as well as you can and you wait to be recognized.

*sigh*

I just can't bring myself to go out there and FORCE opportunity by harassing people until they give me more responsibility.

I was looking forward to doing good work over the semester at this lab but right now I'm feeling disillusioned. It got worse when she had NO work for me in the afternoon. I mean talk about feeling useless. Meanwhile Greg who'se one step above a flake gets to handle entire experiments.

Very fucking frustrating and disillusioning. Virtue means so fucking little these days.

In other, slightly less depressing, news I did well on my Spanish mid term. I got a 90 while most people scored between the 60s and the low 80s. I guess that since my job has started to turn to shit my school can now improve somewhat so that my life can stay at least somewhat balanced. Anyway I'm glad about that because it gives me a decent shot at an A- in the class.

Of course all the A-'s in the world won't keep me from being a hasbeen before becoming a neverwas if I don't get more assertive and less...nice.

But you gotta enjoy the small victories right?

Plus you gotta feel at least a little sorry for most scientists. They work their whole lives to discover something relatively minor about one TINY part of a small field. It's like being the guy who does the typsetting for technical manuals for RONCO products.
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