Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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The fans get up and they get out of town.

....And the Giants dump an easy one to the Arizona Cardinals 21-7. It was all set up by what has GOT to be the worst play call in all of football history. 14 seconds on the clock, ball on their own 40 or so in the first half them up 7-0. Sean Payton calls a pass in the flat...pick...TD Arizona...all momentum gone....kersplat.

*sigh*

The Jets got crushed too, but that was expected. The Giants though...this erases what they did in Saint Louis and puts them on track for the 7-9 season they were predicted to have.

A pass to the flat with 14 seconds left in the half while UP by 7. Jim Fassel makes well over a million dollars a year. After that call he should have to give a good portion of it. Of course there were other mistakes, like Michael Strahan's roughing the Quarterback after a third down incompletion, or the Ref's call of a nonexistant holding call on Mike Rosenthal that brought back a TD pass when the score was still tied.

Actually I have no idea what inspired THAT call. Rosenthal didn't come close to holding him. What was the ref thinking?

Ref: HOLDING! 10 yard penalty!
Mike Rosenthal: What did I do? My hands were inside the pads and after he went to the floor I even jumped back and raised them in the air.
Ref: Excuse me but it looked like you were trying to PREVENT him from sacking the Quarterback. That doesn't seem very sporting. 10 yard penalty. I'm the biggest idiot in the world.

Fucking spectator sports. So frustrating when your team loses and there's not a damned thing you can do about it. I think that's why my father didn't like them much. It's so hard to lose without even getting a chance to play.

I'm feeling okay right now but it won't last. I've been trying to be honest with myself but it hasn't been working. I'm not one hundred percent sure why it hasn't been working but I have some theories.

The thing is that while in all honesty there's a lot of stuff I need to work on there's also a lot of stuff that's just plain unfair in my life and it's hellishly difficult to sort things out between the two aspects...and even tougher to take a healthy approach to the first with the second weighing me down.

How do you balance the need to actually get work done with the knowledge that the work is utter bullshit and nobody will know if you don't do it? How do you maintain longterm discipline and still handle the daily shit that is shoveled on you from a hostile and stupid world?

I don't know. I can't be honest because it would be devastating on too many levels.

But I can't keep lying either. It's like some sort of existential crisis. The equivalent of being on the top floor of a burning building that sits on the edge of a cliff. Do you jump off the edge and hope that you miraculously survive the fall or do you just stand on the top and pray for rain?

I can't answer that.

Living for the moment can be pleasant but I'm moving too fast and there are too many upcoming brick walls. Life doesn't slow down so you can live it.

I'm hanging on alright for now. I have things basically under control and there's no massive crisis on the horizon. Just piles and piles of little things that keep building and nowhere a release for the pressure.

I continue treading water as the air grows ever thinner in the pocket where I rest. Pretty soon it will be sink or swim. I don't know if I remember how to swim.

I did look decent in the clothes I bought yesterday.

Small favors in a harsh world.
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