Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Some things you don't need until they leave you, they're the things that you miss

I haven't written much recently, and it's been for a variety of reasons. First of all my life has sort of been on pause for the last week and a half because of waiting for grades. It's so irritating that we have to cram all our exams into this little one week window and the professors seem to have forever to turn in our grades. Even worse the support staff that input the grades into the computer don't have to come to work in between Christmas and New Years so it looks like we're not getting the news until January 6th or so. I don't quite understand this logic, but Columbia generally treats undergrads like shit so I guess it shouldn't surprise me. I just wish I knew the outcome so I could move past this and get ready for the next semester.

I've also been recovering from the semester and relaxing a lot. I enjoyed watching the Jets and G-men get into the playoffs this weekend and I've watched an absolute ton of movies, some of them absolutely great (I had forgotten how AWESOME Swingers is) some of them mediocre (Lee Van Cleef's performance in The Squeeze left something to be desired, fortunately the DVD was like $1.75) and some of them in between (I still don't know how I feel about Narc) but all of them thoroughly enjoyable. I even managed to catch that James Brown documentary on HBO which was kind of interesting but disapointing considering how hyped it was by a nameless person.

Mostly I've just been lying around, doing some shopping, and relaxing. And thinking. I don't want to write down everything that I've been thinking about because most of it is only half formed and it should come out as the ideas fully form themselves. I don't want to rush thoughts right now. Let them come when they are ready.

As this year comes to a close I think I accomplished much of what I wanted to do but I still have a lot to do. The final major birthday is done with and I need to start taking control of my life and leading it where I want it to go because there's nobody else to help me with that now. Of course that's partially my fault but I feel that there's blame to be shared there and I don't want to get into it.

For now I think I should just put my New Years resolutions out there. There won't be as many as last year but I think I will concentrate more on fulfilling them than I did this year (when I was pretty successful nonetheless.)

I'm not going to include sarcastic or incredibly easy resolutions like "Continue your 21 year streak of not making it with the beautiful babies (Hey I JUST watched Swingers, and Bill Simmons the Sports guy did TWO columns of it right after...how cool is that?)" because it's pointless.

1) Get in better shape (starting Jan 2nd) . I resolved to lose some weight last year, and I did, but I've gained a lot of it back and I need to recommit myself and stay committed. The summer screwed me this year because I was too busy to do things right and I lapsed into bad patterns. That won't happen again. I'll make it work and I will rededicate myself to doing this because it's essential to many of my long term goals.

2) Practice more forgiveness. I hold too many grudges and I know it. I need to learn to forgive other people for their flaws and the things they do to me because failing to do so has certainly not been a successful strategy.

3) Go it alone even more. The older I get the clearer it is that in my life there is me and only me to rely on. I need to accept this and focus my energy inward. Other people aren't reliable and they just plain don't care.

4) Moderation. Everywhere in my life.

5) More self forgiveness and acceptance. I can't keep putting myself down. I'll leave that for other people. Remember that the longest journeys involve small steps not great strides. Keep on striding too widely and you're bound to end up in a ditch.

6) More freedom and self-exploration intellectually. Maybe I'll even switch a major to a concentration and take some more "random" classes. Or maybe I'll do some funky stuff this summer. I just know that I need to explore more and that ain't no Jive.

7) MOST important. Get Organized. Clean my rooms up, take better care of my school stuff etc... Getting organized is VERY important this year. If I don't do it now I may never do it and if I never do...well...that would not be good.

I'm tempted to ask for suggestions from other random people who stumble upon this journal, but I don't want people to say things that irritate the hell out of me so I'll leave this ambiguous statement here and let things come as they may.

That should be the final resolution. Recognize I can't control the world and let things happen as they will.
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