I don't claim to be entirely pure in this regard, I don't think it's possible to be that anymore in this world of self-deification but at least I'm still trying. I do my best to resist temptation, even to set wrongs right when they fall in my favor. I can remember arguing for 5 minutes with the manager of a movie theatre that undercharged me for bottled water trying to get him to take back the extra money. Of course the water was ludicrously overpriced to begin with but I saw the price clearly listed and it was my choice to go to the theatre and purchase the water.
The mistakes I've made have been relatively minor. I've stretched the truth a couple times regarding academic stuff. For example while reading my test to my professor I came upon a passage where I made a factual error and I said "I don't know why I wrote that, I must have been hurried." In fact I do know why I wrote that, it was because I hadn't read all of the material and didn't know it was an error at the time. However considering the rampant cheating and such that goes on I feel I was justified in this relatively small fabrication. Less justifiably I had a homework assignment that got wet in the rain and I was holding on to it until it dried (to make sure it was still legible) and ended up telling the TA it was ruined and emailing in a slightly altered version after he stated that something I had written was wrong. This was not in an attempt to get a better grade since in that class just handing in SOMETHING for the homework was all that really mattered, but it was still dishonest. I could rationalize it a thousand ways but it was a prideful stupid action and probably the worst thing I've done in awhile regarding honesty or lack thereof. Of course I've also engaged in activities that other people consider immoral, but that's not really relevant. I mean I have no compunction taking the name of the lord in vain or viewing pornography, so I don't consider those behaviors moral lapses.
Why am I bringing all this up? Well it's just to show that I understand both the impossibility of maintaining complete ethical consistancy and the very real possibility of at least being moral in the majority of situations.
The thing is...it seems most people don't even try anymore. They just accept that the world is about what you can grab without being caught and they cease worrying about right or wrong. I started reading more political stuff awhile back because I figured it was important to get a more balanced view of politics and become more informed. It's starting to wear on me though. Each side sits back and shrilly proclaims the inferiority of the other side. Each uses not so sneaky rhetoric to try and convince the foolish (my current 'favorite' is the Republican line about how most Americans are stockholders so the dividend tax cut will be widely shared. They don't talk about how much stock is owned, just that there are stock owners. Bravo) to fall in line while nobody seems interested in TRUE open and honest debate where we talk about things like returning the focus of government towards serving the people or whatever. Corruption sickens me...if there was one thing I could remove from the world it would be corruption. Even before starvation because to be honest I think that the removal of corruption WOULD solve starvation. If we simply took 1/3 of the money lost to cheats and thieves we could provide food for anyone who needed it.
Today I read about how at some teachers union the officers have been skimming millions from the compulsory payments of the union members. It makes me sick. Don't these people understand that they are charged with a DUTY to protect and serve their members? Don't they get that holding office and responsibility is not about grabbing but rather about giving?
I guess nobody really does anymore. It's one of the reasons I've given up on ever pursuing public office. How can you hope to win playing fair against the monolith of dishonesty that is our current system?
In other news I got an A+ in CC leaving me with a GPA over 4 for the semester, assuming that I don't get less than an A in anthro (and even if I get an A- I end up with an even 4.0) I rewarded myself by buying myself a Gamecube with some games, which makes me happy. I know I shouldn't get such joy from consumption but I can't help it...my life is empty in many ways and surrounding myself with collectibles is one way to help temporarily fill the void. It's not a long term solution but I like to think of it as a way to maintain stability while I try to find something deeper to grab on to. Of course as long as the world continues to disappoint I don't know how that's going to happen. People say I need a woman (HA) or religion or something but I don't think that's true. I just need a cause. The thing is I feel so impotent against the crush of corruption in the world. I am supposed to be among the nation's elite young people. One of the smarter students at one of the best schools. All around me I see cheating, lying, stealing, and even worse the acceptance of that state of affairs.
It's all so fucking frustrating.
I haven't been great with my resolutions so far. Need to shape up. I kept sort of telling myself that I would get shit in gear after grades arrived but they are taking forever. I can't wait on external events for internal motivation. Even old people know that that's a fool's game, heck even the ones so senile that they can't remember what colors go together.
Another weekend of football coming up. I'm hoping that the 49ers go down hard and that Gang Green triumphs.
School starts again soon. The only thing I know for sure is that I'd be a fool of fools to take more than 5 classes. I'm going to resist temptation and not go there.
I might have had more to say but I've forgotten it at this point. I should get some sleep. That's always a good idea.