Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Did you know if you were famous you could kill your wife and there's no such thing as 25 to life.

There's been something that's been bugging me for awhile that I didn't really want to write about because of someone who might be still reading this journal and who I didn't want to piss off not because I give a flying fuck what someone like her thinks of me but because I wanted to protect a friend.

Fuck that though. This is my journal and I'll piss where I want to.

Anyway, the situation is like this. I have this friend, good, solid, portly fellow. Ever since I knew him pretty much all he wanted was to become a doctor. Seriously, that's about IT. I would talk to him about dreams and futures and that was pretty much the be all and end all for him. I'm not going to say that he was OBSESSED with it or anything, just that it was the only thing he really seemed to want.

Anyway, about half a year after I meet him he hooks up with this girl, out in California where he's from. He knew her from before but they start going out. What ensues is a couple of years of off and on again long range relations fraught with problems and moments where he seemed really happy. Over this period his goals shift. Now he starts thinking not only of becoming a medical doctor but of actually making a life with another person. Of building a partnership and all that other sweet lovey dovey stuff that tits cause otherwise reasonable men to think about.

So now his focus is divided, but that's okay. He still knows what he has to do in school. The thing is that...she won't let him. She calls him at times that are reasonable for her but extraordinarily late for him and disrupts his sleep cycles and studying. She gets angry at him for rediculous things like not paying attention to her when he has a big test coming up or being in a study group with female colleagues. Her jealousy is unfathomable to me since he's about the most open and honest guy you could ever hope to meet and the only female he talks about with anything other than disdain or wry amusement is her. He is also made miserable by the vacilations and explosiveness of the relationship and though he genuinely loves her he finds himself hurt time and time again by her distrust and insensativity.

His grades truly go in the toilet and his dream is all but lost. I don't know if he can recover and be a doctor I hope he can but honestly it doesn't look good at this point. I think he's okay with that because he still has the girl, but the relationship still has some major stumbling blocks that haven't been fully resolved PLUS she seems pretty materialistic and I'm worried that he might lose her if he can't do the doctor thing to make the bucks she seems to want.

Still, I think about that dream and it makes me sad and angry. Sad because it's so easy to lose opportunity in this world. It's not just him, I know other people who have made relatively minor mistakes and suffered severe tire damage on their roads to happiness. It's part of the reason I'm so grade involved, I don't want that to happent to me. I don't want to lose my opportunities before I know what I want to do with them. I want to stay on top of the log roll of ambition and not get thrown, because once you make that one mistake it's damned hard to get back on. Not impossible but quite difficult.

It makes me ANGRY because I see a guy being treated so unfairly and even though he isn't complaining I feel the need to complain for him. If you really love someone you should want them to succeed and you should be generous enough to understand that that takes a lot of work and effort and it takes making success a significant priority. If you really love someone you will be willing to wait for the pleasure of their company and not interfere with legitimate things they have to do. And if you can't do those things then...well...maybe you're just in love with the attention or the idea or maybe you don't know how to give but there's something very wrong with how you're handling the situation.

To continue being serious, I know it's not just women who do this. Heck it's probably not even MOSTLY women. And I don't want to put all the blame on her because he certainly facilitates it and even invites it. But whoever is doing it it sucks, and I just hope I'm never on EITHER end of that kind of dynamic. I mean, if I'm going to stay serious for this entry alone I honestly don't think I'll ever be in a serious relationship. It's not because I think all women are evil or backstabbing. That stuff's fun to say and provides a delightfully challanging position to maintain during logical debate, but only an idiot would really believe it and I don't. Women are individuals and although there may be tendancies towards brattyness and logical impairment in their population there are also tendancies towards good qualities and most importantly they must be judged as individuals. To honestly believe that all women share anything in common other than physiology is to make a big mistake.

The reasons why I don't think I'll ever be involved are legion. They range from the fact that I'm not attractive but I am quite picky (not necessarily about physical looks, but about other things) to the fact that I don't have any of the skills necessary for relating to people on an intimate level that I should. I don't even know HOW to date as it were.

There are other deeper issues like the fact that I am very much an internal person to the point where I've wondered at times whether I'm slightly autistic, and the fact that my homelife has been so crappy my whole life that I can't even concieve of living with someone who doesn't step all over me, insult me regularly, and generally make me want to escape. Anyway the reasons aren't particularly important, but my point is that in addition to being remarkably unfit for a relationship I am also afraid of them because of what I've seen them do to people.

In lighter news did anyone else see the Fox special Man Vs Beast on wednesday? It was pretty amusing to watch a Sumo wrestler get yanked into a mud pit by an Orangatang and unlike most reality fare this wasn't actually too humiliating to the participants. It was silly and funny but it didn't really have a mocking edge. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Also my method of fidning a single song I really like in some context like a movie or a videogame or what have you and purchasing the album it's on has helped me find another musical group I really dig. I can't watch MTV or listen to the radio anymore since they are so full of grating hip-hop and pop and my friends all have different musical tastes so I'm always happy when I find a new band I can enjoy.
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