I just sent my mom perhaps the meanest thing I have ever written. It doesn't really ease my mind that everything I said was true. I know it's going to hurt her but I can't continue to absorb her hurt for her anymore. I don't have the time or the energy to deal with her insane bullshit. I feel bad about it though. I don't want to hurt anybody. That gives her an advantage because she never feels guilty when she makes me hurt. Why did I have to be born to a monster? To a creature of hatred and cruelty? The world is a pretty terrible place. Today my psychologist told me that I'm not worthless but I disagree. I am. I am a totally useless piece of shit. I am stupid and lame and pathetic. I am thinking about killing myself. I am sick.
It will never get better
I will never heal
Sometimes I think that I was put on this earth to be tortured by a God angry at my grandfather for being an abortionist.
What other explanation is there for my life? Random chance? Bad luck?
There's so much suffering and so little explanation. The world is a fucking nasty place.