Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Pictures that I'll always see. Some things could be better if we'd all just let them be.

This entry is cobbled together over the course of many days and makes zero sense. Please treat it as such.

A few days ago I wrote up a rather fun little entry about the problems with "Angels in America", the etiquette of watching a gay male sex scene by yourself, my decaying libido, and a few other things, but my computer crashed and it went bye bye. This livejournal client really OUGHT to have a save feature, but I guess that's too sophisticated or they just expect most people to write short, stupid, entries, with tests like :

28.571428571428573% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?

The case is over. I am no longer a foreman. Nobody got any money though we did hold the building negligent. I am sad but at peace with the verdict. It was the right one to make given the facts before us, although a plaintiff's witness ended up making a huge mistake that may have been the tipping point.

Badminton is the only additional phys-ed class that fits into my schedule this semester. I've spent a few days pondering whether just saying the word shuttlecock automatically makes you gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) and then I realized that worrying about whether something makes you gay makes you gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) according to the first law of homophobia, so now I'm focusing on being totally okay with having to spend 26 periods of 50 minutes playing a "sport" that revolves around the cock.

Today I went and got my Poli-Sci major sorted out. Things are looking good for the most part though there's a few kinks (not the whips and leather kind) that I need to sort out. I also had my first two classes, a marathon that took from 2 to 8. The film class was a mixed bag. I learned some stuff, and got to see a really great film in "A time for Drunken Horses." On the downside the professor is kind of simplistic about a lot of the things he says, and I fell asleep during "A trip to the moon" because the projectionist screwed up and we had no sound. Hot theatre, stress, no sound, soothing images=dreamville. I also snoozed through the great train robbery. When the films had scores I was fine though so hopefully that won't happen again.

My second class kind of sucked. Fortunately it's only one of my options for seminars this semester so hopefully another option will be better.

I started Atkins a few days ago with the rest of the world. It's been going fine except that today I had constipation like never before in my life. It was like trying to push a block of granite through my nether regions. I actually had pauses between contractions like a woman giving birth. I definitely underestimated my need for fiber.

One cool thing that's been going on is that my high school friend Aaron has been coming over to watch the football playoffs when he can get off his high power job at Barnes and Noble. It's really good to watch football with someone else who understands it and who is actually something of a challenger in terms of predicting the outcome of a game. Of course it was even more fun to watch him fall apart as the Panthers kicked the Eagles' collective butts on sunday.

My mom is trying to 'blend' me into her boyfriend's family and I'm so not ready for that. She brought them over with virtually no warning on Sunday and I couldn't even say hi. There's a whole lot of emotional stuff hidden there under the surface, I ended up crying my eyes out for no discernable reason. I think it's because I feel like if I were to accept a new family that would be putting the final nail into the coffin of how my life should have been. It will be moving past my father's death, letting the scars heal over, and sealing him forever in the vault of distant memories. I'm not willing to do that right now. As sick as it might sound, open wounds in my psyche are the one lasting impression he has in this world (besides his work of course, but that's blending into the great beyond of 'obsolete science' more and more as the days meander onwards.) This is an incredibly complex issue that I don't know if I'm ready to explore right now, but it's definitely still a very painful line of inquiry.

I'm going through a lot of changes right now. I need to get more serious about DOING something with my life and quickly. I also need to drop the weight and I think I'm ready for that. One thing that hasn't changed is that I have an overwhelming need to be emotionally independent and fly solo. Now more than ever I think that's how I'm happiest. Friendship is great but there's a thin line between enough so you're not lonely and so much that you feel suffocated and trapped.

There's a ton more to say but that's for another day when I have less to do. I really need to get on the ball with my independent study and fall into a school pattern among other things. Golden Boy you must be my model! (except for the massive and uncontrolable attacks of lust)
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