Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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You've got your spell on me baby turning my mind into stone

Film class was another 210 minutes of equisite agony again. The problem is that in the classroom there are two types of seats, most of them set up in movietheatre style and then a few free standing desks on the other side of the Aisle. At my size sitting in those movietheatre style seats is not really an option unless I want my elbows invading other people's space, so I sit in the free seats. She comes late and those seats are usually the last ones filled. It's like a cross between musical chairs and Russian Roullete. I feel like I've stepped on to the set of some weird cross between "Barney's Birthday Adventure" and "The Deer Hunter" every time I go to class.

Today was especially unfun because she walked past where I was to a seat decently far below but then thought better and came back, presumably because the view down there was unsatisfactory. Thus I had a rapturous cringe, followed by relief with a sprig of disappointment and finally the sinking feeling of excitement and fear. I can't explain why my reactions are so strong, I must be a couple neurons short of a synapse somewhere inside my head. Anyway for the first half of the class I kinda lost it because she has this tendancy to lean back in her seat which causes her hair to contact my hands when they're in note taking position. I've backed my seat up so that I'm almost sitting in the lap of the woman behind me but it seems rather rude to invade her personal space just because I'm a neurotic loser. The movie was actually pretty good, Battleship Potemkin by Eisenstein, who my lit prof last semester thought came up with the theory of relativity. My only issue with it was the "Kill all the Jews" line, but if I discounted all the good movies that feature that sentiment I'd pretty much be left watching Blazing Saddles and Space Balls.

The second half of the class I was more successful in repressing my thoughts. I started chanting silently to myself "I am the very model of a modern major general" and trying to fit it to the music in the movies. When that wasn't working I added in "I keep that engine on the amp like the chatanooga champ." Even the combination of Gilbert and Sullivan and Limp Bizket (why hasn't that been done before? Oh yeah, because it's fucking insane) didn't fully do it so I started adding in other songs. Thus began an hour and a half long frenzy of mental activity that was sort of like driving in London streets during a rainstorm in the dark. Songs led to unwanted thoughts (as in "Why do you build me up, buttercup baby just to...OH SHIT! RETREAT! RETREAT!) and my brain cycled like Lance Armstrong after cleaning Tony Montana's desk with his nose. It was like a self-made seizure in my head, song lyrics and counting too ten and a whole lot of other crap just in an attempt to not think about pink elephants (or long flowing hair the color of...DAMN IT!) All the while I was trying to focus on the screen and take notes, and naturally answering most of the instructor's questions posed to the class because even the paralytic effects of an intoxicating beauty can't stop me from loving the sound of my own voice. At one point when I was having some success with Jimi Hendrix' Voodoo Child and a Soviet film about a Camera man she turned to me and asked for the time. I believe my face revealed a nice balanced combination of "I don't know" and abject horror.

After class I went and taught GED science which was probably the best thing that could have happened to me in that situation. The nice thing about teaching is that you can totally let go of your own pressures and issues and focus on helping other people and portraying knowledge that you have a firm grasp of. As I went over chemistry and the movement of the Teutonic plates with a group of at least semi-interested students I didn't think about anyone's delicate jawline or melodic laugh. Seriously it was like a mental high colonic in some ways and when I was done I did feel somewhat refreshed. Even now the feeling lingers and I'm not tearing myself up inside, which is good. It helps that I'm doing a community service and it is also good when thinking about my doing Teach for America.

Not much else has happened. I have a presentation on the Line Item Veto to write tonight, and I told Professor Robinson that I am withdrawing from the independent study, so the hard part of that is done. I probably should get writing since I do have to be in class by 9:00 AM, groan. At least no more film stuff until monday, which shall nevermore be known as funday. Had a huge fight with my mother this morning but that's pretty standard, just irritating and loud. Sadistic gym man was back and I'll be sore tomorrow. I think I'm starting to lose more weight which is a good thing. I took my reference form down for Adrienne to fill out. I'll stop typing random details now because people stopped reading this entry around the number "210".
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