Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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This new Diet's liquid and chilling to the senses

Being off carbs has definitely sharpened my mind, back to the level where it matches my self image of myself. That's a good thing and it's given me more hope that I can accomplish some of the goals that I've set for myself and perhaps even a few of the dreams that have been hibernating recently. For example, I think that my writing has gotten sharper since I started Atkins and you can see it in recent Journal entries. This in turn has inspired me into looking into starting a few small projects with some friends just to get back into the swing of things. I am feeling commited at the moment but that could change with the wind.

On the other hand the carblessness also has another effect, which is to sharpen the world in generally. Recently I've been pretty satisfied with my life and feeling decent just sort of chugging along. That's gone. It's not just the whole Longhair (a suitable monikor methinks) situation which is honestly fading into background noise, it's a palatable seachange in my mood and perception of my life. I feel restless again, and useless and behind the times, and lonely. Very very lonely. It might be partially Valentine's day, though I've avoided having that shoved down my throat for the most part this year (despite the fact that my IE Google Toolbar is now festooned with hearts, which I only noticed recently). The thing is that it's not that I long for a romance per se, it's more a general loneliness. I haven't sat and talked with ANYONE for hours in a few months and right now I'm not sure there's anyone I COULD have a long and honest conversation with. It's something that I value as a way to work through ideas and just get stuff out there but it's happened less and less as life has gone on. I just feel more connected to the world and that my skin has thinned and it's hurting.

In terms of events in my life, well not a heck of a lot is happening. My Strength Training instructor is still a sadist and my legs hurt because of that and the Badminton in between doesn't give them any good rest period. I need to get to work on the Teach for America thing. I will just ask Professor Miozzo for the third recomendation and finish my application tomorrow, which shouldn't be too tough since I've already written the essay in my mind.

Today in my seminar some random girl spilled warm coffee all over me and my backpack. I'm not sure how it happened as I was minding my own business, but I'm almost certain it was not my fault. Anyway she seemed somewhat apologetic and got me a little bit of paper towel to dab at my now unsellable books with, but generally nobody gave much of a crap. Meanwhile some jock in the class got shot with a water pistol as part of this campus game "assasins" and the whole class was extremely sympathetic. I don't mind being the weird combination of identifiable and invisible than I am but it's kind of depressing when everyone's making a huge deal about a water gun shooting and nobody seems to care that you got coffee spilled all over you and your stuff. Whatever, I should be used to it by now.

I spent way too much money last month. Computer+school stuff adds up INCREDIBLY quickly. It's funny how many costs there are as a college student even if you're not living in the dorms or paying tuition. Funny in a depressing way, especially for those who ARE living in the dorms and paying tuition.
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