Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think they'd understand.

I got some graduation materials in the mail the other day, and it's official, I won't be participating in any of the classwide activities for my entire college, and really academic, career. The Senior class council is soliciting donations from the parents to pay for some formal ball and a few other activities. I not only have never been to a dance (or even taken a woman out for a malted) but I've never gone to any sort of class based gathering. I doubt that more than a handful of people in my class even know what year I am (though a bunch probably would recognize me from various classes.) Every wednesday someone sends classwide notices that it's 'senior night' at the bar near the school again (because apparently college students have trouble remembering standing policies and need constant reminders) and that we should all go out and get sloshed. This sort of attitude bothers me profoundly but I sometimes do wonder what I'm missing by not attending. Of course the few times I have been out with a bunch of classmates drinking (and they number maybe 2-4) I've found it a rather banal and uninteresting experience. I don't have any desire to drink (even though not consuming alcohol apparently makes you both boring AND unattractive to females, not that I need assistance in the latter realm) and frankly 10 PM is a good time to start thinking about getting ready to catch some Zs.

I do regret not being more social, although I'm not sure why. I guess it's because my attitudes towards that aspect of my life have been changing recently. It's definitely noticeable to people who know me. It used to be that I would be hesitant to go any place where there were large crowds of people and had trouble dealing with people that I didn't know. Now I'm much more confident and have no real problem encountering novel social situations. I still don't really LIKE socializing though and there's the rub. On the other hand it's a necessary skill for the business world and to have contacts.

The more I read about hollywood the less it seems likte it would be for me. It is a youth obsessed image driven industry that cares solely about the profit margain. Independent film might be an interesting avenue to pursue but I'm sure it would also be a frustrating one. It's incredible that people like David Lynch or Terry Gilliam ever got any work at all when you think about it. Maybe I'll focus on literary writing. It may be less profitable and in some ways less exciting but it's also got more freedom.

Or maybe I'll just become a lawyer, a psychologist, or take on some other profession that offers a paycheck and some satisfaction without all the angst, uncertainty, and reliance on luck.

Right now I feel really cruddy. I've gained like 7 pounds since last week but I think it's all backed up in my colon. I feel stuffed to the gills and I haven't eaten much since lunch yesterday, skipping dinner. I also slept quite a bit yesterday. This may all be carb related so I'll cut those out for awhile and see what happens. It may just be the last remnants of my spring break sickness. Whatever it is, it sucks most mightily.
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