So we headed into the park and sat on some bleachers at the edge of a baseball field. The pizza was cold and did not look appetizing but two guys grabbed a slice. Then some homeless looking (but possibly not homeless since he was wearing fairly clean clothes and was only as dirty as one would get spending a day playing sports in the park) guy wandered by and asked for a cigarette. None of us smoke but Paul offered him a slice of pizza. He took it and then stood right there next to us munching on it. Well nobody could very well launch into a diatribe about the unfairer sex with a homeless guy with a French accent standing there (a man who, even if he was homeless, almost certainly had more knowledge of women than the four of us combined) so I got quickly bored and hopped off the bleachers and headed across a baseball diamond to a set of benches about 100 meters or so off.
I sat down there and started reading "The Crying Of Lot 49" which I had brought with me for the train ride. It was dark out but I have good eyes so I could make out the text and I was actually enjoying sitting there alone reading more than I would the rest of the night. The guys were calling to me but I didn't feel any particular desire to go to them. The fact of the matter is that I don't like hanging out in the traditional sense. It's not enjoyable for me, it's just boring. Eventually I wandered back over there thinking that I would tell them that I was leaving and that it would make them mad cause they came a decent distance to hang with me, but instead I just pointed at a bench that was by a streetlamp and told them I was going to read over there. The homeless French guy was still with them and he kept asking for and recieving more pizza. I headed over to the benches and read for another few minutes until they called out to me and I trudged back to talk with them. They asked me if I wanted to go see "The Philadelphia Story" in Bryant park and I said no. So I stood back on the bleachers with them and they said they wanted to play cards so we wandered back towards the bench by the streetlight. On the way over I decided to make up an excuse for my behavior so I told them that I had been trying to lure them away from the homeless French guy cause he made me uncomfortable. I don't know if they actually bought it or if it was just more comfortable for everyone involved to accept that as a plausible reason and go on with the evening. Either way it was a pretty good lie because it prevented there from being any friction from my behavior for the rest of the night.
We ended up sitting beneath a streetlamp playing Chinese Poker which I hate. Aaron and I had to go buy a pen and I grabbed some dinner since I hadn't eaten any of the cold disgusting pizza. I made a racially insensitive remark behind a black man in the supermarket line (Aaron said that someone random had come up to him and informed him that he was very white. I said that it was because he was pale as paper but he WALKED like a black man. It wasn't incredibly offensive but I shouldn't have said it.)
Aaron told me that my assholedom defines me in his mind as my major characteristic. I always thought it was my being fat.
We went back and played some more lame poker. I lost because I didn't know the rules or enjoy the game. (I know poker but not Chinese Poker.)
So why did I just write out that long BORING story? Why did I chew your eyes off (like chew your ear off but with the reading)?
Because I think it demonstrates WHY I am a loner. I simply don't enjoy inane group activities. I don't like being outside fucking around with a bunch of guys. IT doesn't appeal to me. That's also the reason that my friends tend to be older. They tend to be willing to talk about more interesting stuff. We never talked about girls but I don't care. I have nothing to say about them at the moment. I just didn't enjoy the night. It was okay, not traumatic or anything, but it was a waste of time and money (A sandwich, 2 bottles of diet tea and a disgusting brownie I didn't even eat cost 11.30)
Life marches on. Mom is coming home soon. I have no true friends. I feel like I'm going nowhere.
I guess I'll go shout some mroe into the void.