August 1st, 2001



It is August. Allow me to steal a few lines from a Counting Crows song to express something I am feeling. Please

Waiting for the moon to come and lock me up inside
I am waiting for the telephone to tell me I'm alive
Well I heard you let somebody get their fingers into you
It's getting cold in California, I guess I'll be leaving soon.

I need to learn to let go.

I am sick. Body and mind. I am sick.

But I hope I'm getting better.

My thoughts are coming like I'm writing. Slowly leaking from my head in bite size morsels. Can profundity and brevity mix?

I want to be over this already. I don't want to linger obsessively over someone who did nothing wrong to me. I don't want to be that guy.

I was born to be that guy. I am a romantic in the age of casual sex. I am nothing if not....I am nothing. Pull me out from inside (also a counting crows lyric)

I need to grow. I need to prosper. I need. I need to admit my flaws. I need. I have so much to give and even more to take and sometimes I drown in the excrement of my own thinking.
  • Current Music
    Counting Crows

Worthless posting do not read

I'm not as sick as I was yesterday. I still have a bit of a head thing and my nose is running a bit, but I should recover by tomorrow in time to teach the class.

The future isn't bright enough to make me wear shades, but maybe some semi-retinal protection contacts? Feeling sicker air is thicker but I can't give in ToooNIGHT.

Being sick absolves me of ambition. I actually like it. I don't need to worry about reading Dostoyevsky when my brain is full of pudding. I don't even need to worry about making progress on my anime collection.

Why is being young such a protracted and difficult time? Why do we have to live throguh so many years of training training training for a future that isn't even guaranteed? Why does this world leave so little time for contemplation and recreation if you want to be successful....don't people understand that only with periods of rest can perspective be gained? You need to take yourself out of the game to look at the score. I admit that I spend too much time thinking and not enough doing but that's MY problem.

I'm addled I shouldn't be writing I'm confused and pathetic but I need a milestone to remind me of the times when I've felt pretty good and now is one of those times.

  • Current Music
    Counting Crows

Would you love me more if I called you a guttersnipe?

Feeling a little better. Been reading some of A Confederacy Of Dunces and it's much quicker going now than when I attempted it the first time. I think it may be because I am older and more mature but it's probably just because I'm sick and tired and restless. It does shed some light on why the book was suggested to me by two people and I just have to say fuck you both, even though only one of them reads this and the other I will probably never see again.

I have to think seriously now about whether I want to teach a class next semester. It adds to my workload considerably but it is also a big confidence builder and helpful to me in terms of understanding what my professors go through. I think that I should.

Growing tired and guilty now. Heh I need to DO something. Maybe more reading.

Sorry these entries suck so much but I don't care about that. I'm sick you meanie!
  • Current Music