November 27th, 2001


Knot a good night.

The last fourteen hours have been wracked with that unique combination of Oww and Eww that only a really nasty stomach condition can bring. I'm starting to feel the stress of all the work I have to get done, specifically my stupid unstructured PITA psych paper, and of course that means that I can get even less work done.

From time to time I wonder whether I am actually lazy or just have too many interests. I mean there's not too much that I do that I don't take seriously at some level it's just that since I don't know what I'm interested in I tend to try to cram everything I can in. I try to keep track of goings on in football and anime and video games and network TV and schoolwork and with my friends and maybe it's just too much.

The thing is that I'm not good at being patient and I don't feel like effort gets rewarded. What the fuck is virtue anyway? Is it really just following what other people tell you without any evidence for yourself? Is virtue just obedience?

I'm obviously tired

The giants are having a losing season. That sucks.

I do have beliefs and I intend to stand firm by them, but am I sane in a crazy world or visa versa? We're all supposed to save the world but at what point do you ask whether the world is worth saving? This is the holiday season, where every song is "You're nobody 'till somebody loves you" and every person is supposed to be even more clannish and family favoritist than they usually are. That's one of the things I hate about people, they act like a particular action is different in nature depending on their opinion of the person who commited it. I can't make myself believe that. Wrong is wrong and right is right, that's the position I have to do my best to stick to. It's hard but it's right.

It's right but it's lonely.

End Rant
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I saw the movie Pay It Forward today. Well I was exhausted and running a fever so I lay on the bed while it played out in front of me. It wasn't as terrible as I'd been lead to believe. I think it might be better if you go in knowing the ending so you're ready for it when it comes and it doesn't seem to come right out of left field. But then again I never saw it while ignorent. Haley Joe Osment is a talented youngster, Kevin Spacey plays his role just a few degrees off from what I thought it should have been, but it's schmaltz so who cares? Helen Hunt has shapely tits and so one can forgive her rather flat performance. The movie was passable but WAY too optimistic. It also doesn't take into account that if everyone was doing shit for everyone else that might actually end up being maladaptive because they'd be wasting time and energy they could spend on themselves, and ultimatly only a person knows what he or she really wants (needs is a different story.) Also the evil people in this world would have a big leg up because they could take favors without giving them back out and acrue even more power. It's kind of sad that the world is the way it is, but then again a lot of things are sad.

Today my social psychology professor had no slides so I got my sick tired ass out of bed and went to class only to sit through an awkward uninformitive lecture where she kept saying "There's this really great chart I can't show you but if I could it would be super helpful."

Is liberation a good thing if people horrible mismanage their liberty? In sociology we are getting into authors like Fuquot who have a lot to say about norms and discipline and all that but I really have to wonder whether freedom for freedom's sake is good. I know that everyone is ga-ga over female sexual liberation but it seems to me that what most women do with it is just go have sex with lots of jerks who now have to lie for it rather than pay for it. The more things change the more they stay the same. Africa was liberated from colonialism and he continent is falling apart at the seams. You can quite fairly blame the Europeans but that doesn't erase the bad shit happening now. So here's the question of the day....with what you think about human nature kept in mind...are there freedoms that simply shouldn't exist? What freedoms that are around right now would you get rid of if you had the chance. Just something to mull over I don't expect a response.
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