January 18th, 2002


Keep out! Tresspassers will be shot.

And now I remember why I hate having people over here. Kawah wanted to swing by yesterday with Paul in tow and after a little convincing I decided to give in and give it a chance (I mean they weren't bringing Jing, so what was there to lose right?) Well the evening started off on a bad foot when they arrived somewhat later than Kawah had said they would and we ended up being unable to locate a store that was open and had Xbox controllers (we needed a third one). We then proceeded to grab some KFC (Kawah was hungry because he only eats once every gibbous moon) and head back to my place where we played some Dead Or Alive 3 (I only lost once but I was gracious host and let the other guys play more than I did) then we did the "talking thing" and stuff fell apart.

First of all it wasn't so much a conversation as me pumping Paul for information and then lecturing him. Second of all it started pretty late and droned on and on and on. And on. I tried to give them subtle hints to leave like mentioning that it was getting late, stating that we were running out of water, trying to avoid starting up a new video game which we might be playing for a long time and even lying down on the couch. Unfortunatly they didn't get the message and before I could just throw them out I fell asleep. That's when the REALLY annoying shit went down. After I had fallen asleep instead of waking me up or leaving, they proceeded to head back to my room, sort through my stuff, rewire my entertainment set up and then play Chu Chu rocket until 3 AM when they woke me up by how loud they were being.

What. The. Fuck. Now I don't claim to be the ideal guest but when I go to someone's house and they fall asleep, I either wake them up and ask if they are tired and want to go to bed or I leave. Or if it's a predetermined sleepover I'll go to the living room or whatever and sit quietly, or read, or whatever. I will NOT however search through their stuff and I will NOT fucking rewire ANYTHING. They unplugged my TV from the cable box, plugged in my dreamcast controllers, detached the Xbox from the TV, etc. They also sorted through my box of CD games which was organized in descending order from ones I wanted to play first to ones I wanted to play last. And they did the same to my DVDs (which have games mixed in them). That pisses me off. I'm an only child and I like both my privacy (there are...er...risque DVDs mixed in with the games and anime and hollywood stuff) and my stuff unmessed with. I don't even wanna TOUCH my video games or TV right now because I know I'm going to have to do some work to get things back the way I like them. I certainly don't appreciate having people fuck around with them while I'm sleeping. It irriates the HELL out of me. Paul was supposed to go up to the country with my mother and me tomorrow but I'm not sure whether I want him coming after last night. I don't want him re-arranging my childhood room up there or fucking with shit that could be gifts from my dad. I just don't like people in my business. And I don't like them messing with my stuff. And that's yet another reason why I don't like "hanging out." People have no fucking respect for other people's privacy or soveirgn right over their own stuff. Especially not the people I know. God damn it I want to be a hermit with a shotgun and a peephole.
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Sorry Jesus, you're expelled

I've been reading a lot of conservative advice columns recently and one thing that you cannot avoid if you do that is Jesus. As a non-believing Jew he's not my favorite guy, but the more I read what they have to say with an open mind, the more I start to understand their point. Jesus doesn't deserve the bum rap he's been getting lately. I mean I'm all for seperation of church and state, but do we REALLY need to treat religion like it's some sort of horrible disease? All of the great secular heroes of our past paid at least lipservice to religion and it didn't seem to make them UNDULY intollerant etc. Also it seems a bit rediculous to be so stodgy about matters of religion on the grounds that it forments prejudice and violence when we don't censor prejudice or violence to nearly the extent we do religion.

I understand the concept of keeping religion out of the schools to prevent opression of people who do not believe in christianity, but then shouldn't we keep feminism and all the rest of it out too? I mean isn't it rather ARROGANT to say that certain political beliefs are okay to discuss while others are taboo and label that tolerance? I think we are beyond the point now where Christianity is such a dominant cultural force that people are exposed to it everywhere to the point of being able to assume that everyone is familiar with it. I think that we are past the point where feminism and other political agendas are so fringe that nobody will encounter them at all unless we make sure to teach them. What we are doing is simply supplanting one set of political ideologies with another, and that's not really fair. It should be both or neither. Voluntary prayer should be allowed on school grounds just as feminist/non christian religion is. Jesus shouldn't be a leper. I think that liberals have been used to being the underdog for so long that they haven't updated their attitudes and strategies for a world where they are in the mainstream. I don't believe in the bible and I don't think it should be forced on anyone, but maybe it's time we stopped treating it like it was a horrible evil thing and let those who wish to use it to guide their lives do so. That might improve the moral character of our society...even if its not through the means (logic and ethics) that I would prefer.
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I step down

I find it interesting that I can be a really unpleasant person at times. I mean I always knew I was judgemental and hot tempered but it turns out that if you piss me off and make me feel like you're not giving me my due I can really turn the screws. Food for thought.

I watched the climax to the Rurouni Kenshin Kyoto arc today and it got me thinking about love and whether someone who is truly "bad" can love. Like how Yumi loved Shishio, but they were both horrible nearly irredeemable people. Can a guy like Kenneth Lay really love anyone? How could you so willingly damage other people's loves if you had an inkling of what it would be like to lose your own? Is morality and personal worth always such a murky shade of gray? Sure my example is based on low-brow fiction but it's something I've always kind of wondered about. Would a ruthless businessman who has ruined other people and split families apart just to make MORE money than he already has (which is in turn more than he will ever spend) risk his life for his wife? His child? His pet? How deep do greed and selfishness go and how deep can love penetrate. I mean I know that it's possible for such a businessman to be unable to form human connection, but is the opposite possible too?

Just something to think about, my main post is about how unpleasant I can be around EVERYONE. For some reason I just have this tendancy to snap at people, even people I don't know well and really don't want to snap at. I once snapped at Erin, although I'm not going to get into it right now because I said I'd stop obsessing about her. I guess I'm just an unpleasant person at times. Not always though. One of these days I'll have to figure out what exactly sets it off and use that knowledge for self betterment. For now, though, I am content to ponder it. At least it's a bit humbling which I can use now and then.
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