January 23rd, 2002

pod

How I find myself slowly disapearing too

I'm supposed to be reading the rest of the Aristotle Ethics reading for my JUSTICE class, but since I can barely make heads or tails of it I think I'll just wait till class and let the professor make it logical. This class has quizes in it and I hope there isn't one on the first day. Of course if there IS it'll be a good sign that maybe this is not the right sort of professor to be taking and a fair warning that perhaps I should be shopping around for another class to take.

I am really starting to feel this isolation right now. I have nobody to TALK to, especially since I cut back on Jeff to save money and he's out of town anyway. I'm supposed to have dinner with Hee-Ann tonight but he's just going to recount his tales of adventure and romance in California with his girlfriend and that's not what I really want to hear right now. But I'm his friend and he seems to want to tell me so I will sit there and absorb all the while thinking about how fucking ALONE I am right now. Maybe this phase will pass and I'll go back to being content in my little bubble, but maybe when I was out in the country I opened up some door to my humanity that I won't be able to close. Ugh.

I'm so lonely *canned laughter* "How lonely are you?" I'm so lonely that I actually wrote a long reply to my Lit professor's reply to my request for last semester's grades (I had my final grade but not the grade of my final or my papers.) He remarked that it was strange that I got a 98 on both my mid term and my final since on an essay test it's rare to get the same grade on two different ones so I blathered on and on about my test taking strategies etc. I feel like a world class heel, he's not interested in how some student in his core requirement class for froshies gets good grades. He's just teachin it cause he has to (although he's doing more than a workmanlike job). I have robbed myself of my own dignity. He did send a reasonably lengthy and kind response though so at least I don't have to change classes.

I'm gonna get dressed and ready for class now, Justice then exercise then anthropology then psych then listening to Hee-Ann tell his tales of love on the sunshine coast. A full but unfulfilling day lies ahead of me. But that ain't anything new.
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