February 1st, 2002


My heart's done time

In times of depression it's nice to have something that you're good to fall back on and help cheer you up. For me, right now, it's academics. Yesterday I got an email from my old Historical Sociology professor asking me what I thought of some articles in the Times about anime (what I ended up doing my paper on) and today on the way out of my Japanese History recitation some girl said "You're really good in this class" to me (which made me feel ESPECIALLY good because I'm not nearly as good in Japanese History as I am in most of my other classes) which left me feeling good.

If anyone cares I replied "It's 9 AM. I think I just woke up earlier than most of the people" which I thought was both funny and decently modest, although it could be construed as implying that the rest of the class looked exhausted or is undedicated. But on the other hand I was tired so..I don't know. I just included that for the Hunter Crew who thinks I am the pinacle of arrogance. Cause I'm not.

Anyway all that had me feeling a little better than I had previously, but what put me over the edge was JUSTICE recitation. It's optional but since I liked the professor I decided to go (Also I figured if I was going to be talked to about breaking the chair it would be better if it was during recitation instead of class, although it didn't come up and I saw a bunch more broken chairs today so I have to presume that it's not that unusual a circumstance and caused more by the chairs being hundreds of years old than my being an irresponsible fatass) and it rocked. On the way over there I saw my friend Paul's evil twin (He looked JUST like Paul, same height and similar but not identical face, except that he was dressed to the nines and was traveling in the sort of determined ambitious fashion that one associates with certain types.) and immediatly started thinking up jokes to tell Paul about that experience which made me happy, then I got to class and ithe room was nearly empty. About 20 people out of the hundred and twenty in the class showed up. So the professor walked in and the discussion section started and it was great. It was like 75 minutes of "ask a well established and dedicated Ivy League Political Science Professor" in fact it WAS that. I managed to ask allmost all the questions that I had come up with during class and I think mine were some of the best in the class since I got a bunch of "That's a really good question" or "That's a perfect example of a CLASSIC argument against utilitarianism right there" comments from the professor. My only worry is that there are a bunch of people who the professor apparently has previous contacts with since he knew their names right off the bat while it took him a few times to get mine. One of them was this one girl who tried to invalidate one of my comments but failed because she misinterpreted the preference at play in that specific situation (If you understand preference based act utilitarianism you should understand that, if you don't then you probably don't care) She did however speak with confidence (and lots of hand gestures) that only come with familiarity and they had a two person conversation about what she was saying for about 15 minutes, which I thought was a result of him knowing her and knowing that she's bright so giving her a chance to clarify her statements whereas with someone else he probably would not have given so much slack. But that's okay, all it means is that the challenge to be the most insightful in the class is even GREATER because some of the opposition has a leg up on me. Bring it on! Heck she might even be a grad student which would be even better.

I think the reasons that I really enjoyed the discussion section are that it was small enough that I didn't have to wait for other, less dedicated students (because only dedicated students would come to an optional discussion section) to make bad comments until I could make mine. Instead I actually enjoyed listening to the questions that the others asked and the answers to them. Also the professor reminds me of days upstate talking to thin white bearded overly formal friends of my father about serious and interesting matters. The prof has a VERY dry wit, and the whole situation was just very comfortable for me.

I did have a NASTY headache through the whole thing (I took MORE aspirin just now because I figure I've been so depressed for such a long time that taking some aspirin to alieviate a headache when I'm happy is just something I deserve) but I had fun IN SPITE of it. And there will be more fun to come! I'm seriously considering doing the lawyer thing. I could be a prosecutor and then head for a judgeship and maybe try to make a contribution through the legal system. Lord knows I love to argue and I'm pretty good at it. Now I'm going to sit back, relax, and think about starting some homework. I've felt shitty for the past few days so I haven't worked out which puts me in a Dilema. I DO have a headache so do I cancel Charles or not? Maybe I should take a nap before I decide. For the first time since "the sequal to the situation" I feel pretty damned good and I LIKE it. I just hope I can keep it up.
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