March 12th, 2002


Sucking on my good side

Holy shit. I feel about as run down and dilapidated as a rusty gas station so far off the beaten path that I still sell parts for the model T. I have a LOT of stuff left to get done today and I'm exhausted from the stress of the past couple. I can't focus and I need to get this god damned work done. I was looking back over my old entries from the summer and I actually think I had a healthier attitude back then. Gradewise success has sucked me into an unhealthy obsession with doing well in school at all costs. I've got to break out of the fucking cycle, it's too much of an imbalancing force on my life right now. This journal has been sort of drifting recently and people have stopped responding to it. That's cool but I think it may be symptomatic of my larger drifting through recent days. I need to CENTER. Balance.

After this week though. Can't afford balance when 20% of my semester GPA is on the line. My Japanese take home test is adequate for a B but I need to reshape the last essay because it overflows the page requirements. I can deal with an A- in this class so I'm not too upset that this test is not some of my best work. I never really understood the questions anyway.

Any suggestions about how to get the world back into focus despite the fact that I'm as shot as Evander Holyfield? (boxing terminology.) Just a lot of caffeine or meditation or what? Heh I wish I had time to think about my state but...I don't. Back to the FUCKING Salt Minds. That's a pun.
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