March 22nd, 2002


Sassy Chasis

More cleaning randomness:

I found an old NYC token. I mean the kind they used to use before the last fare increase. That's from at LEAST like five years ago. You know your room hasn't been cleaned recently when you find old, now worthless, currency (okay not EXACTLY currency but close e-fucking-nough) buried beneath the broken glass and torn magic the gathering cards.

Found one of my missing keyboard keys. Sometimes a paperclip or something gets caught in my keyboard and I have to pry off a key to get it out so I can actually type. The thing is that they are on there so tight they tend to fly off and get lost in the mess. I look for them but occasionally I just can't find them and then I canabalize keys from a part of the keyboard I don't use and place them over the missing spot so I can type. You can tell how long I've had a keyboard by how decimated the numpad area is of keys used to replace various missing ones elsewhere. I was without a Z for a whole week once because I never needed it. I just typed mad instead of crazy, wacky instead of zany etc. I made sure not to talk about striped horses or Xzylophones and used the British spelling of realise. Heh while I was typing this I found the other missing key so now my keyboard is back to normal. Makes me a little sad. Less unique to ME that way.

There's some broken glass in this pile of crap. Fortunatly I found some sandals to protect my feet. It's like the room is providing me with the stuff I need to clean it. Kinda creepy actually.

Found an even OLDER token. The kind with the silvery center. THis is just getting sadder and sadder

Found an old Polyglot from 1994. Probably a collectors item by now. Maybe I should offer it on Ebay.

"Naked and Famous" used to be my favorite song until I found out he was saying "30 foot smirks" and not "30 foot smurfs" Then it lost a lot of its charm

I've thrown away the instruction manual to a lot of old computer games with names like "Mutant Penguins" and "Covert Operations" I miss the days when computer games were simple and fun and not huge operations like they are now.

My mom has started to make fun of me by implying that I will be eaten alive by all the bugs in my room. I find this offensive because there are no bugs in my room and there's no reason why there would be bugs. The garbage here is not organic. It's not like there are half eaten pizzas buried under all the crap. It's mostly styrofoam packing peanuts, newspaper, shredded magazines, and the like. My mother has done everything she can think of to try to get me to clean this room. She has a standing offer of a brand new top of the line computer if I get it clean. But I can't be bought for exactly this reason. Any enterprise I attempt, no matter how desperatly she wants it done, for her will end in ridicule and anger on my part. So I'm doing this because I want a clean room and it has nothing to do with her. I'll probably take the new computer when I'm done because mine is many years old and I need a new one, but I won't do it for the computer. I can't be bought like that.

Found my yearbook from 1990. I don't remember my teacher from that year at all, even though her name and face are in the yearbook (And I know she's my teacher cause I'm listed as in her class.) Kinda freaky. I remember my teacher from the next year though. Rob (we called our teachers by their first name cause it was a private school and it was all progressive and shit, I hated that place). It's funny how some people make no impression on you whatsoever and others you can't forget. It's even weirder when the relationship is one sided. I tend to make bigger impressions on people than they do on me and every year or so some random person will be like "Hey! How are you....blah blah blah." and I will basically sit there wracking my brain for who they are. Not a fun experience.

Found an old backpack from high school complete with my REM UP cd which is a great Album. SCORE. I think part of the reason that I didn't want to clean this room till now was that it was part of my campaign not to grow up after my father's death. It's like if all the shit from my youth were still in my room which was still a mess like a kid's room then I wouldn't have to grow older and away from him and change my world in to one where he didn't exist. But now I realize that can't work and it's turning from a sanctuary from reality and the pain of losing him into just a really messy filthy room that needs a good cleaning. I don't know whether I'm sad or happy about this transformation. Say what you want about progress, every morning I wake up is one more removed from the time when my life was happy and normal and I had a future and a family and someone who loved me. Is forward always the best direction?
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