March 25th, 2002


Nothing to say now, nowhere to hide.

Well...that was interesting. So I got yelled at over AIM for a solid couple of hours over my last post. It turned into a sort Onion like "Justify Your Existance" experience of trying to explain why I had the right to be breathing and alive and walking around etc. I think I succeeded in proving that it wasn't my moral obligation to slit my own throat then and there in order to make the world a better place, but it was a strange experience. Sort of a surreal plot of "The Lynching Jurist demands to see the suspect so he can attempt to change her mind which is already made up, he convinces her that he's not the horrific criminal she thought he'd been and that even the most damning character evidence at least had a little bit of explanation to it, if not an excuse, and then eventually she reveals her own vulnerabilities and prejudices." See the thing is that she was really mad because....oh wait my chauvanistic ways don't allow me to reveal a lady's personal information without her permission. Oh well. I will say that we ended up talking for 4:45 which meant I didn't get to bed till 4:30 which threw off my sleep schedule the day before my test, so that sucked, but at least I learned a little something and I think managed to reduce the number of people in the world who absolutely despise me by one.

So now I'm left with a question. Should I abandon LJ communities to protect my privacy? Should I just make certain posts private or friends only? (Kinda defeates part of the purpose I had in making this journal) or should I just leave it all out there, keep going, and hope that if more people starting hating me in an intense and personal manner I will be able to deal with it or convince them that hey I'm not the worst form of life ever to process oxygen. I don't know...I'll have to think on that. But hey at least I survived this time with all my emotional parts intact. That's something.

Damn you Jeff! I'm getting into Basketball the same way I got into football. Through a videogame. I really don't need another sports addiction. I'll get you Jeffrey!
  • Current Music
    Chris Isaak - Always Got Tonight

She said no Jack don't you go back, No Jack don't you go back. So we hit the floor slicked up to the

The universe has a nice way of kicking me when I am in some sort of altered state and unable to defend myself. So naturally today when I was exhausted and somewhat stressed it proceeded to go all Adam Vinitiari on my gonads.

Justice class was pretty much okay. No complaints there. Unfortunatly I did decide to start the zone today so I was forced to calculate carbs and protein and cook stuff while my head was pounding. This is not a fun experience. I would not recomend it. The real trouble started in Anthro. I went in to class in the hopes of getting my test back but they weren't ready yet. Instead I got to sit through a nice lecture about how the rest of the semester would focus on the anthropology of women and how under-represented they were in the field blah blah etc. It was a long and somewhat disturbing lecture as they kept saying things like "Well anthropologists found that across the board male activities were valued more in every society than female activities, and the evidence pretty much led to the fact that women have to do the whole pregnant and mother thing but since we don't like biological determinism we're just going to gloss over that and blame it on some unknown social rational." There was other stuff like a direct attack on the concept of masculinity by both the professor and a male student who I overheard later telling a female student that he was just trying to impress the professor. The whole thing was just plain horrible and exactly what I didn't want to listen to at that point. But I sat there and bore it because I don't want to get the profs attention. I made one comment about a possible reason for male valuation being that males had a larger variety of roles than females and so certain ones would tend to be more important in comparison to others while often other than priestesses the only profession for women was mother but nobody seemed particularly interested.

After that came a blurry two hours and then the psych class from hell. Basically this was a "Get into groups and pretend to give a damn" class and I arrived late because I was barely able to stand. Well after I sat down this girl who had been in my music class over the summer came and sat down next to me. All I can really say about her is that she's your traditional short perky blond and when asked what her favorite band was over the summer she said "Well I don't really listen to much music but I like boy bands like N'Synch and the Backstreet Boys." Yeah, so she's just my FAVORITE person in the whole wide world. She started asking me what was going on and I said I didn't know so she grabbed hold of my sleeve and shook my arm and asked again. I repeated that I didn't know and edged my chair away in case her next action was going to be to gouge my face with her long fingernails. I don't like being touched, especially by people I barely know. So it turned out we needed to form a group and we created a motly crew of random people who didn't know what to do either. I was elected de facto leader on account of god hates me. We went around and discussed our paper topics, by which I mean I told people about my paper and they all basically said nothing. Then we had to figure out 3 action plans for decreasing the cost of mental illness to our society. It's funny, I wasn't AWARE I had warped back to 1995 and 9th grade, but you learn something new every day. Anyway as happened in High school I was left to do all the work while the girls in the group just sort of looked bored and angry and the guys all looked disinterested and perhaps a little stoned. I was about three degrees from passing out but I tried my best to come up with an action plan even though the girls shot down several of my ideas without offering any of their own. At least one guy was willing to crack wise with me although his comment about how he liked my voice was a little scary. Anyway after I came up with the three options that the girls approved Miss "Like, Ohmigod, I like boy bands" decided that I was going to present since I apparently was the only one who had bothered to pay attention to the assignment and she had apparently mesmerized all the guys with her freckles because they agreed. So I had to go up as the last presenter, disheveled and with freaking LUGGAGE under my eyes, and murmer for like 5 minutes about the words I had suggested but no longer understood. Apparently I did okay since the professer referenced something I didn't remember saying during the wrap up. Then we got our tests and I did as terribly as I expected. An 83. Even with a curve that'll probably bring my average in the class to a B or a B- so I'm going to have to do the EC assignment to get an A- overall so I can maintain honors eligibility for the psych department. Maybe I should just dump psych and go for poly sci or whatever. I can't bullshit my way through psych like I can my other classes and I have no particular reason to want to do it except for a vague fantasy of eventually doing profiling for the FBI. So the day pretty much went "Feminist anti masculine tripe, intellectual slave for a boy bands afficianado with a taste for physical harassmenet, and a bad grade." Fanfuckingtastic. I'm going to take a nap in the vague hope I can be awake for my test tomorrow. No way I'll be able to study for it now. It's nice to know that my headache isn't going to go uncomplimented by irritation and woe. Next time I'm just gonna say fuck it and sleep in. No I won't. But I'd like to pretend that I will.
  • Current Music
    Cherry Poppin' Daddies - The Swinging Hits