March 28th, 2002


...and I feel fine

Well how DO you do? I know I've been harping on this point recently but I feel REALLY good. Super mega ultragood. I don't know whether it's the new diet which has given me additional energy and less guilt, or the decent grades in all my classes but psych which have given me a more than middling shot at maintaining my GPA above 3.7 this semester which should be my hardest, or if it's just the fact that spring has sprung but I truly do feel like a new, happier person. Things aren't PERFECT of course but they feel like they're moving in the right direction and I'm HAPPY about that. I mean I'm actually HAPPY. This is fucking WEIRD.

Maybe it's just that I had a class off today so, perversly, it feels more vacationay than my spring break. I don't know.

A big part of it though is that I think I'm finally over she-who-will-hopefully-never-grace-this-journal-again. I can deal with things related to her without flinching or feeling crappy. That's a load off my mind. Didn't even take 3 months this time. Maybe I'm getting a little tougher.
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I'm just a guy, I know my place but still I'll try

Okay. So I just wanted to jot down one more experience and what it has to do with my feelings about women in general. If you're not interested (Quite likely) you can just skip this entry. I don't think there'll be anything else worthwhile here.

After statistics class today Adam Diana and I were leaving campus together as we always do. I asked Adam if he had been informed that our group had Annexed him for the project and he replied that he had. Then Diana mentioned, in passing, "Oh yeah me and the rest of the people in the project except the guy who sits next to you (me) were talking and we think we want to do it on skittles only I can't eat them so..." Now this might seem like a fairly innocent thing to say except that the only person in the project besides me, Adam, Diana, and the guy who sits next to me is that other quiet chick whose name I do not know. So basically what happened was that the two girls got together outside of class and tried to shanghai the project. Not only that but instead of presenting their decision to the rest of us like, I don't know, equal partners, they tried to just slip it in as a given. This is the sort of crap girls pull ALL the time. I have never met a woman capable of communication without manipulation and it drives me NUTS. Totally and utterly. Guys can be crude and annoying. Sometimes they can be offensive or sullen, but at LEAST in my experience they tend to be capable of actually telling you what they want in honest terms. Women hem and haw and take no risks and basically attack an issue from every which way but head on. I just get frustrated and irritated and give up on them. Not that THIS was a particularly annoying example of this, but it just reminded me of the numerous times I've talked to a woman and wanted to scream "LOOK if you'd just say SOMETHING that you actually meant this would move a whole lot quicker." I'm actually not bad at reading between the lines (I'm a perceptive little twerp) but that just makes things worse. It's like "Okay I know what you want and I'm just not going to give it to you until you ask for it in a straightforward and honest manner" and then we just dance in circles for like 15 minutes. It's freaking pointless. The thing is that women CAN be direct when it's a professional or scholastic matter but beyond that...*shrug*. I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting to an innocuous chat but I don't at all like the way she brought it up. Fortunatly I countered with doing stats on Basketball scores so hopefully that's a testasterone filled enough starting point that we can bargain down to something both sides like.

Of course what annoys me even more is male complacency in the face of female duplicity. Most guys just ignore it not because they don't mind but because they just don't think it's worth the effort to stand up for themselves. It makes me feel like I'm walking around underneath a falling meteor with a bunch of people shrugging "Eh, it's not my problem, I might as well do what I want in the face of it rather than fighting futily."

What do you guys think about this? Am I getting worked up over nothing? I just know that personally I don't want to put up with this crap. It means what it means in the long run, but that's alright. I'm willing to accept that. Just not to be bamboozled and conquored by manipulation and passivity.
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