March 31st, 2002


All I want is something good, it gets harder every time.

For the last few years when I have looked forward to my life down the road it has always been a rather ascetic existance. You know, small neat apartment (Yeah I'm not sure how I'm going to do the whole neat thing but *shrug*) reasonably healthy diet, small hard bed (I like to flop around on a kingsized as much as anyone but I don't like to THINK that I'd flop around on a king sized) moments of meditation and quiet contemplation (I have always planned to pick up a martial art or two during my twenties, not wanting to get involved in the younger years where your classmates consist of fuckheaded high schoolers) and naturally no sexual style contact (Call it ludicrous standards or the "Hate them first so they'll hate me back" syndrome but realistically it just ain't gonna happen). Anyway I bring this up because I have come to the realization that that does seem to be the way my life is headed and I wonder if that's good or bad.

Last night I went out shopping for some foodstuffs. I had to walk down the stairs because the elevator's still busted and I don't like making the doorman come up and get me in the service elevator (Yes I know that's part of the job description but I'm not one for inconveniencing others.) Anyway around the fourth floor I started smell the familiar scent of garlic bread baking, the rich garlicky buttery scent influsing the cold utilitarian stairway with the sort of magical down homey warmth that can usually only be achieved through careful orchestration. Normally this would send me into a spiral of temptation and angst and all that stuff but for some reason this time it didn't do that at all. I appreciated the smell as I went down but it didn't tempt me to head towards the more savoury foodstuffs in the market (I did pick up a pre-mixed greens bag of salad instead of just iceberg lettuce because of thoughts related to the garlic smell, but I hardly think that counts) When I got back home I made exactly the dinner I had planned, Chicken with Sauerkraut and sauteed vegetables. However afterwards when I had my post dinner Zone Perfect bar I tried a new flavor and it tasted exceedingly good. This got me thinking.

Is sensual pleasure itself good bad or neutral? I mean divorced from all the other moral, practical, etc implications. For example, it's pretty clear that for someone like me, who needs to lose weight, a crappy tasting bar that fits in with my diet has definite benefits over, say, a chocolate eclair. But if two bars have the same nutritional value and cost and one tastes like mud and the other like a delicious apple turnover is the second neccesarily better than the first? I think that if you ignore temptation the answer is yes (Clearly if the second bar is so tasty you can't help but wolf down ten of them whenever you have one then it might be a better idea to eat the shitty tasting one) and that of course opens up questions about balance.

Are the benefits of an ascetic lifestyle worth the losses? Is that something that has to be decided on an individual basis or is there a general formula? How pleasing and important are pleasure? My superego is strong enough that divorced from health/aesthetic concerns the pleasures of self denial still usually outweigh the sensual pleasures of food or other similar enterprises (This has always been true, the guilt after eating has almost always defeated the pleasures of the food unless I could "trick" my superego through complex rationalization). But theoretically the sensual pleasure without guilt would be better than the achievement felt from reigning things in.

Are my ascetic plans noble goals towards a simple but fulfilling lifestyle or just a way of hiding from trying to balance my life in the manner that would be MOST optimal? I guess it's something I have to figure out but it's an interesting question. Nevertheless I'm glad that garlic bread and cheesefries no longer have a hold over me.

One by one I WILL achieve all my New Years resolutions. Does that make me a freak?
  • Current Music
    Counting Crows - This Desert Life

Chock full of diamonds.

After a week of not eating much in the way of refined sugar things are definitly starting to taste a lot sweeter. I guess having so much sugar in our diets is even more of a waste than I thought, since we only increase overall gustatory pleasure by very little and increase empty calories by a heaping load.

I wonder if engineers and the like are catagorically smarter (on average) than humanities or soft science people. Whenever people talk about academic pursuits like electrical engineering or calculas they describe them as "grueling" or "Really hard" whereas the humanities and sociology etc are less so. Does this mean that the smarter people gravitate towards the more scientific pursuits or just the opposite because smart people don't want to be stuck doing grueling cruddy work? I don't know, although the fact that economics can be as inexact and useless as sociology at points seems to imply that if the smarter people are doing the tougher subjects they aren't neccesarily doing them much better than the dumbos are doing the easier stuff.

I hate holidays that close stores but don't give me a day off.

Traveling in the NBA is not only incredibly prevelant but also symptomatic of other fundementals the pros ignore.

I have more energy than I know what to do with right now. Maybe I should get in the habit of just heading outside for walks. Might be good exercise not to mention refreshing for the mind.

I added a lot of interests to my profile. I am one of only 7 LJers who have Righteous Indignation as an interest. Wacky.
  • Current Music
    Smashing Pumpkins - Siamese Dream

Hey, like a chump

Wow. Talk about egg on my face.

I commited the sort of faux pas that you only see in old I Love Lucy Reruns or if you're watching Jing. Turns out that anonymous stranger who posted here recently wasn't quite as anonmyous as I thought. Turns out that she was in fact the (semi) ex-girlfriend of one of my friends who for some unfathomable reason has my journal linked to his website. Turns out further that the example I used to show the irrationality of the female gender was, in fact, something she has much more *erm* intimate knowledge about than I do, if you get my drift. Yeah, so that wasn't so much an "Open Mouth Insert Foot" situation as "Open Mouth, Insert Entire Wooly Mammoth Starting With The Feet and Continuing To Jam Its Furry Ass Into My Mouth Until Not Even The Trunk Is Visible Anymore". I should really apologise except I'm not sure how one does that with a mis-step this grotesque in nature. I mean it's the sort of thing you don't expect to see outside a Jerry Louis film, Jing Li excluded. I do feel stupid and chastened though if that means anything. I mean beyond being gruesomely rude it is also extremely stupid argument to use second hand knowledge to try and refute a first hand account of a situation. That's like saying "Well what you saw didn't go down like that because I wasn't there but I heard your account was wrong." It makes no sense.

So I apologise, I feel like an idiot, and I think I'm just going to go crawl into a corner and not say anything else about anything I don't have EXPLICIT personal knowledge of for a long long time.

In other news I did go for a nice walk (With my friend who got some amusement out of my squirming at the news of what I'd done) which helped to burn off some of my excess energy. However it prevented me from doing some school work. I'll get my stat done tonight but I'm going to have to deal with my Lit papers at a later point and that's because I'm a giant stupid. Most of my life seems to be in order but academics are still a crapshoot with my grades being fine but my actual work ethic being dwarfed by my non-existant romantic experience.

P.S. I hate lending out DVDs. The sign of the real insane collecter. No reason to mention this but I'm antsy since I have like 10 residing in other people's care right now and that makes me worried. Carry on with your laughing at me.
  • Current Music
    Limp Bizket