April 14th, 2002


All things considered what he's telling us isn't hurting anyone

I've sort of turned this journal into an actual journal of my life, which I think is mainly a function of my being rather busy and not being depressed enough to really find good stuff to rant about. I'm actually a little disapointed that I haven't been able to keep up the angsty raging at the world that used to be a hallmark of this journal as my mood has shifted to the lighter side. I am constantly worried about my abilities degrading and I don't want to lose the soul searching deep contemplation reflective part of myself. It's an integral part of not only who I HAVE been but also who I want to be. Of course I hope that I won't have much time to sit around and twiddle my bellybutton lint in the future, but I don't want to live a life unexamined. It's just not the person who I want to be.

Now, as was warned earlier, here's YESTERDAY.

Okay, so Japanese History tutorial was pretty normal and fairly decent. We talked about Naomi which I didn't touch (I was going to read it on thursday night but I got too antsy over the whole Psych GPA thing) I still made some decent comments and Lee brought in some really beautiful interwar Japanese popular culture advertisements. I've decided that Lee is one of the best Recitation TAs becuase he lets the class pretty much run itself but he adds material like book suggestions and pictures that supplement the class and readings.

Justice recitation was interesting but in a mediocre sort of way. The only people there were me and that blonde girl who pulled on my sleeve two weeks ago and then ran away after I accidentily shot her a dirty look. There were 3 TAs so for awhile it was a 2:3 Student:TA ratio. Then Patricia showed up and it became one to one. The thing is that nobody had any real questions so what ended up happening was that the TAs debated each other about various Poly Sci things for pretty much the whole period. I got a FEW words in edgewise and the girls asked some questions but it was pretty much TA debate heaven (Even though I made a decent run at the arguments when they actually let me talk.) It was INTERESTING to hear grad students spout off but sort of disheartening in that a lot of what they said was abstract theory and fairly detached from reality. They talked about the pros and cons of international justice without even THINKING about the fact that once you've deposed a leader you have to do SOMETHING with him. I don't know, I guess it was okay although since they are being paid to be there it would have been nice if they had let the undergrads actually speak.

Anthro discussion was decent actually. Even the fems admitted that the most recent book had flaws (despite having a female author) The annoying TA Nadia wasn't there so we got some decent conversation going. I was pretty intellectually stimulated after listening to the Justice session so I made some good comments and Lorraine (The good TA) told me that I should go into Applied Anthropology. Of course if I took every suggestion from an instructor about what field I should go into I would be a quadruple major. My main comment was that if we really wanted to see whether girls' body images are shaped by dolls we should sell dolls in opaque packaging so they don't know what they get until they get the dolls home and then track their reactions.

Pet Peeve. Why are male authors called by only their last names but female authors are called "Dr." or "Ms." So and so? Being a chick doesn't make you special. Just call the woman Chin, not Ms. Chin.

After anthro discussion section I headed to the library to hook up with Derrick and his Friend Ryder. Ryder BOMBED the anthro mid term (20/40) and wanted some help understanding the class. I laid it out as well as I could for him and I had a pretty good time hanging out with Derrick and him. Ryder is the guy I thought I'd end up being. He's disaffected and quirky. He's reasonably thin and various fastidious but with yellow teeth that say "Yes I take pride in my appearance, but it's not for you." He's also a philosophy major and we had some semi-interesting discussions until Derrick got bored and broke it up. I explained things to the both of themand Derrick called me an old soul which I think is true. I'm much happier hanging out with a 35 and 27 year old guy than with two freaking bubbly 18-20 year old girls. And yet...not gay.

Ryder knows 10 types of scotch and comments on them all but is really faking it because he has no money to drink. He also liked Brandy. He carries a valise. Nothing seems to phase him. He'd be really cool if it wasn't for the fact that his lack of ambition is dragging him down.

After that I bummed around for awhile and then went out to a movie with Rob, my old friend from High School. We saw Human Nature which was...eh...alright. There were some really funny scenes but it was a little too Indy for me. It tried hard to be offbeat. I don't regret seeing it but it was no death to smoochy. After the movie we went to dinner (I did go off the ZOne and got a burrito but *shrug* not a huge deal, I avoided soda or desert or anything)

After dinner we walked and talked. Rob's changed a lot and so have I. I guess it's always interesting to see how much people have changed over the years, even if certain things remain the same. We sat around and chatted. I was actually able to talk about She-Who-You-Are-All-Really-Really-Bored-Of in public without going nuts which is a good thing.

Overall it was a pleasant experience.

I really should have gotten work done today, but I frittered away the time relaxing and now I'm sick. My nose is raw my throat is sore and my eyes are starting to water. Grr. I definitly have a lot of work to do this week and there is no way I can get As unless I spend at least SOME of tomorrow getting some reading/writing done. I hope that sleep can cure whatever ails me.

The semester is crashing to a close and my options are starting to dry up as I am forced to realize that I am ACTUALLY in college.

Eh such is life. At least I'm not going to have a "Real" college experience. If I was then I'd relally be hurting for things to be bitter about. How much would that suck?
  • Current Music
    Mighty Mighty Boss Tones

And thou shalt get it out with the motherfucking microphone, rockin in thy soul. Thou art a renegade riot getting out of control

Another day given up to illness. I felt like a stale corpse today, my head full of mucus which I expelled through my nostrils at semi-regular intervals. My eyes were watery, my throat scratchy, and I was barely conscious for most of the day.

So yeah I got a lot of work done. Almost 7/250 pages of my reading for my Anthro paper due wednesday! Yeah...that's far from great. I'll have to do a bunch of reading tomorrow and I'll probably have to bullshit some of the paper. I'd be able to do a good job except that I have a BIG (10 page) justice paper due friday and I need to do some reading and writing on that. I need Wednesday night for that, so I can't afford to spend wednesday AM finishing the anthro paper. Got to get it written on tuesday. Short of mid terms or finals this is the worst time I could have gotten sick, but oh well. At least I'll have an excuse if I screw up...right?

Yeah thought not.

Okay so besides being sick not much happened today. My mother blew up a few times even though I didn't ask her to do ANYTHING for me despite my being sick. Oh well, at least I was too out of it to really pay attention.

Kawah suggested that we take Paul out to Hooters for his 21st birthday since he's a giant ball of raging hormones (Yeah he's gonna be 21 and he's never gotten any, unless you're a bitter ball of tightly wound rage like myself that can be a rather frustrating situation. When december rolls around I'll wear it like a badge of fucking honor) I don't know how I feel about the idea of going to Hooters. It bothers me on two levels. First of all there's the objectification of women which is sort of sleazy and sad, second of all Hooters is a testament to the power of female sexuality (Men will buy overpriced shitty food just to lear at the scantily clad waitresses) which bothers me intensly. I hate how men allow their logic and will to be conquored by a pair of perky breasts or a shapely bottom. It makes me uncomfortable to even acknowledge female sexuality because of its power and incredibly frequent abuse.

I don't know, maybe it's one of those things I should do as a young red blooded American male. Or maybe I'm above it. I haven't decided yet. My head and heart both say no but my sense of friendship and loyalty says yes. All I know is that if we do go I'm getting the seat near the wall. No way I'm exposing myself to the waitress side of the table.

On Six Feet Under there was a female Rabbi. I don't know how I feel about that but I don't think I like it. It's not that I don't think females should be in the clergy (I don't LIKE the idea but there's no rational grounds for why it shouldn't happen) but I don't think that it makes sense to let them become Rabbi. The Jewish faith is steeped VERY deeply in tradition, it's ancient, and in the Torah I think it pretty clearly states that the clergy should all be men. If you're going to believe something go at it full bore. Don't pick and choose from your religion like it's a freaking buffet or salad par. Plus there's the issue of females being shown in the media in unconventional jobs just to advocate girl power or what have you. It has to stop. I'm sorry but if you're doing a police drama you don't need a 50% or more than 50% female cast. That's not representative. Even less so if you're doing a drama about a fire department. Lawyers, yes (I think women are more than half of young lawyers), Doctors fine (Certainly there are plenty of female doctors) but damn it ever since James Bond got a female boss this whole kick has been pissing me off. I won't watch Buffy, Alias, or Dark Angel. Ever. I don't understand why men would want to watch women beating the crap out of other guys. Never will. Rob thinks it's an S&M thing, Jeff thinks it's adolescent confusion subconsciously imbuing the strange and exotic female with magical powers. I think it's bullshit.

I think that's one of the reasons I like Limp Bizket. Fred Durst may be a wannabe thug but at least he has the guts to be ANGRY. Not complacent and resigned like so many of my gender have become.

Eh. Not a good day. My thoughts don't even make much sense. It's times like these that I really miss food. And not the pansy ass crap I eat these days.

God damn it I want some pizza. Oh well, maybe next year.
  • Current Music
    Limp Bizket - Chocolate Starfish and the hot dog flavored water