April 19th, 2002


I've been thinking of what I should say


Okay so I did manage to finish my paper but I was far from happy with it. I think part of it was probably that I put it off too long and part of it was that the topic I chose was like a Tar baby. Everytime I thought I managed to score a clean hit against Rawls I thought up some other neccesary elucidation so that my point couldn't be invalidated and it went on and on digging deeper and deeper into specificity because the principle at hand was so general that you have to be very specific to show cases where it would have to be misapplied. Anyway part of it can be blamed on my illness earlier in the week which vastly compressed my schedule, most of it probably falls on procrastination and some of it can probably be blammed on the heat.

I did some good things this time including actually READING the material before I started (Yes I read the entire selection through which is HIGHLY unusual for me) and starting the writing process well before 12:00 but I'm still not pleased with the overall effort or result. On a side note having my printer busted has actually been good for me since it forces me to go to the computer lab to print. I usually take about an hour in between classes to do this and since I'm there I tend to edit. I used to never edit papers before turning them in but this semester I've edited every single one of them. It's an improvement.

I need to stop doing this to myself. I need to start doing work that I can be proud of that takes time and involves effort and satisfies me. During discussion section Professor Johnston said that I would probably keep them there through the whole time. As I was leaving he gestured to the TA and to my essay and said he wanted to make sure that he got a chance to read it. I really hate disapointing people and I know the essay will disapoint him. Oh well. Maybe he wasn't even refering to my essay. It was just the one on the top of the pile at that point but maybe he was talking about a different one.

Other than that not much happened today. I did declare as a psych major just because there was no particular reason not to. Major declaration at Columbia is ludicrously easy and it's easy to undeclare so I just went ahead and did it for the hell of it. I wanted to declare a poly sci concentration but I need departmental permission. Some other time. It turns out that I missed all the major advising stuff but that's cool, I mean I kind of like the fact that nobody at the school really gives a fuck about me. I like slipping through the cracks. It makes me feel aloof and isolated and not quite so bad about not actually having a valid college experience.

I was too tired to watch anime or do anything tonight and I need to start Crime and punishment tomorrow. No rest for the wicked I guess.

I need my days to be a little bit less full. This is somewhat rediculous. I haven't had an original thought ina month.
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