April 24th, 2002


I sure don't mind the change cause I fell on black days

If it's not one thing it's MORE than one thing. After a day that already had more than its fair share of disapointments and irritations I realized that I had to register for classes this week. The only problem is I haven't ANY idea as to what I should take. I am at a sort of crossroads here. On the one hand I do want to learn about psychology research and see whether psychological science is something I want to pursue. On the other I think doing poli-sci or law would be playing to my strengths and is probably the sort of thing that I would be more successful at and quite possibly happier with in the long run. The thing is that I wouldn't be as SATISFIED with my choice, figuring that I had abandoned the chance to add to the store of human knowledge in order to satisfy my own desires and aspirations.

I am registering for both psych and poli-sci courses but the thing is that with contemporary civilization and the required Japanese class that leaves me with absolutely no space for electives. Kind of a bummer. there's so much I want to learn about while I'm still in college and just not enough time to learn it all even with summers. Maybe I should take an extra semester (Giving me 8 normal semesters and 2 summers) just to learn some more stuff before I have to make serious decisions about what I want to do with myself.

It's almost too much. I really have nobody advising me. These are the times when I miss my father most. He would have provided guidance and knowledgable advice. Instead I'm thrown to the wolves because there's order in the pack. Oh well, I guess I'll survive, find a major, go on to live a decent life etc. No use getting too stressed out. I'll talk to a bunch of advisors and I already sent out a bunch of emails so it's best if I just calm down and don't get too worked up.

Or is it? I don't know anymore. All I know is that I can't let myself slip back into old patterns. If I miss an opportunity because I'm not edgy enough to grab for it, well that's okay. Depression is too high a price to pay for a slight edge.

Stuff that happened:

1) I saw Frank Capra's "Know your Enemy: Japan" film in Japanese history today. It was a pretty damned good propaganda film and entertaining to boot. There were some laugh out loud hilarious moments and some great contradictions. It's kind of scary though because some of the stuff said about Japan back then is similar to what's being said about Afghanistan these days. How free IS our press?

2) In Stat class our project got rejected so we had to figure out a new one. The girls wanted to do their M&M one and I wanted to do sports and eventually they caved in. I felt bad and tried to offer other suggestions but they did a martyr act "Oh no...it's fine. I'll just sit over here and look stricken while you go on and proclaim a topic that I want NOTHING to do with" Actually it was mainly one of them. Diana just kept repeating that she didn't care and we should just give her whatever her part of the assignment was and she'd do it. The third girl was vaguely anti-sport but offered nothing else in return. Eh. It's not a big deal I guess although I did learn that once you actually know people in a class making snide remarks and jokes is much harder. I wrote QB>M&M in my notebook and showed it to Paul in a quest for solidarity and he snickered, so Diana turns around looks at it and starts chuckling and then she points it out to the other girl who gets this sneer of disgust on her face like "I cannot believe that reality suffers you to live." Christ I sound like I'm in high school all over again (not that I was really THERE the first time). I better stop. I'm supposed to be a mature collegiate adult for christsake. Why am I writing about the superiority of the most important NFL position to delicious chocolates produced by the M&M Mars company anyway?

According to Jeff I should be sketching lewd pictures.
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