May 6th, 2002

pod

Lord Knows I can't change

Well today was a mixed experience. I got 3 grades back. An A- for my crappy Justice Final PAper which shouldhave been an F but got an A- despite sucking, a 30/30 for my Japanese History discussion section which I thoroughly deserved since I was the driving force behind it (besides Lee of course), and a 23/20 for my Anthropology book report which was mediocre but not my worst piece of work ever.

Anyway that was the good news...then came the psych test. Well the good thing about it was that I now don't have to do any research to describe a bombing for my Japanese History Take home.

Kaboom.

It's not that I didn't study. Well I didn't study as much as I could but I certainly put in more effort than I normally do and not an insignificant amount. I spent most of the day looking through the abnormal psych book but in the end it wasn't enough. One of the problems was the takehome portion. I spent WAY too long on that because I CAN'T just write a paper and leave it. I have to fine tune and fiddle forever. I don't even know if it will get full credit but it took WAY too long to write considering how little it's worth. That's definitly an issue, I get so caught up in doing the writing that I don't do enough studying. Another problem was that the lecturer was flat out horrible. Her style was abysmal, boring, and all over the place. I COULD NOT pay attention. My mind wandered all over the place. It's telling that I knew all the answers for the guest lectures but not from the stuff she presented.

Finally the book was a piece of longwinded crap. I don't need to read 60 pages of repetative garbage to understand Schizophrenia. All of the information was buried beneath piles of anecdotes and other crap. The slides I studied were pretty much useless. *sigh*

Anyway I don't know how badly I did but this is probably the end of my career in psychology at Columbia. With another B my GPA in psych will drop to like a 3.4 and I'll never be able to get into grad school even if I raise it to 3.5 or 3.6 in the future. I don't really want to do a psych internship over the summer and frankly right now I'm sick of the whole subject. In fact I'm sick of all my subjects at this point I just want to go to sleep for like a year. Yeah right.

Okay this is what I have left

Friday: Anthropology Takehome+Lit Hum Final
Monday: Psych Extra Credit Paper+Justice Final (This one looks easy)
Tuesday: Statistics Final
Wednesday: Japanese History Take Home

I need to get topics for my takehomes tomorrow and start researching them. Hopefully I can get my ANthro exam done by wednesday night which will leave thursday for psych research and a BIT of Lit Hum review (won't need much.) Friday I'll be working on psych paper. Over the weekend I can do Psych Paper, Japanese History Final, and some studying for Justice. Monday I finish Psych and start Stat review (do a bit on thursday during scheduled review session). Tuesday I do a LOT of stat review and a little Japanese. Tuesday night I drink a LOT of Caffeine, work on Japanese until noon, and then collapse into a comma done with everything.

That's my plan. It's a terrible one but it's the best I've got. I NEED to pull my psych grade up if possible and that's the ONLY assignment I can afford not to hand in (not that I can afford not to hand it in but...well..you get the picture.)

The next week or so is going to suck SO bad.

Other Stuff:

I've done sucky on diet. Yesterday I had a BAD dinner and today I slipped up a couple times. Now that psych is over I should be able to get back on that damned horse. I don't think I've GAINED any weight and I have to let the past go. Not worth crying over drunk milk.

I'm taking Spanish and I think developmental psychology for my first summer session. I might switch it to Poli-sci though since I think I'd much rather do that than psych. I don't know whether I will try to find a lab spot. My head says yes but my heart says NO GOD NO PLEASE NO ANYTHING BUT THAT NO NO NO.

I'm kind of sad that I won't be doing psychology. By abandoning science I feel like I've really failed my father. My INTERESTS lie in political science or sociology or some place full of fascinating theories with practical applications and attempts to generate social change from the top down rather than personal change from the bottom up but I feel I SHOULD do science. I don't know.

Life goes on, doors close, people make mistakes. I just wish she had been a better professor. At least I don't have to hear "uhm uh uh uhm uh" or any more stories about Ireland though. Small consolation for my ruined future.
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