May 28th, 2002


I gotta cut me some slack.

Well the first day of summer session 1 is over and me wan go home.

It wasn't all that bad but things wore on me today. Spanish was boring and it reminded me of Her-What-I-Mustn't-Think-Of which pretty much sucked. I'll be okay in the class if I keep up though, which is good. I thought my time off might have handicapped me to the point of making an A impossible.

Developmental psychology was less good. It was not a fun class at all and 3 hours goes by about as quickly as a turtle hepped up on quaaludes. Fortunatly I only have 12 class sessions in that and 2 of them are tests so each real class I get through is 10% of the class time I have for that course. That makes it infinitly more bearable.

Filling out tuition forms and getting the books was a collasal pain.

I don't know...I guess I'm feeling impotent. No, not in that can't raise the tent way. In terms of actually achieving what I want to do. To get into quality grad schools I'm going to have to take seminars but most of them will have to come during my senior year and grad schools don't really get a chance to see the second half of your senior year, so I'm sort of sunk there unless I take a year off. Plus there's a lot of stuff I want to take that I can't fit in. As it is I'll probably graduate with like 12 extra credits.

Also I'm lonely. Normally I get along just fine by myself, but sometimes I cycle through periods where I FEEL just how lonely my fucking life is. I don't know if it's because of the dream or just a random cycle or what but I feel in my bones the whole "nobody will ever love me, my life is a pointless exercise in empty achievement" schtick that I hate so well. *sigh* I guess this too will pass but while it's here it's a pain in my ass.

I'm just gonna give up and get some sleep. Here's to hoping that tomorrow goes better and that I manage to survive the two classes and the internship that I still haven't GOTTEN yet without utterly collapsing in on myself. Truth be told what I want to do is sit around and relax, but that'd just make me feel guilty.

Work. Work to drown out the emptyness of a life spent apart. Work to pretend that you have social situations.

Work will fix it all.

And keep the cycle nice and vicious.
  • Current Music
    Aerosmith - Permanent Vacation