June 4th, 2002


Can't depend on honest answers from dependent hands.

Today was from my "busiest" catagory but I managed to survive and weather the storm. First I had Spanish which is actually pretty fun and entertaining. I got the whole class to crack up with my super melodramatic environmental public service announcement aimed at blaming little children for the destruction of the environment.

After that I lunched and then headed off to work.

Work was better today since I sort of knew what was going on. I got some forms to fill out and I now need to schedule a routine check-up SOMEWHERE so that's a pain, but afterwards we went back up to work with the rats and it was fun. This time Greg came along with the Dr. and myself and so I had a companion when fetching supplies. We also did some sacking and I saved a rat. Apparently some total dumbass had sorted a male rat in with his sisters. This lead to his impregnating each of them twice (Dude...he's a fucking STUD!) We found the pups today along with the two pregnant slutrats. And Studds in their midst. We immediatly knew we had to kill the babies because they were inbred and thus useless but it also looked like we had to kill the male because he had no tag. The first suggestion I had was that we kill the babies in the same cage as the dad because it would make them feel better, but the more I thought about it the more I wanted to save Studds from being sacked because A) he was such a good breeder and B) He was a virile male and thus a proud and important rat. So I figured out that if we searched back through the index for his sisters we might be able to figure out who Studds was. Well we looked and we found him, were able to find the cage he SHOULD have been in, and reunited him with his brother. I felt good about that. Then we took the babies down and killed them which was a bit sad. Especially since the Dr. Let the C02 into the death tank a bit too quickly so the rats noticed that they were asphyxiating and got really agitated. It looked like the Aushwitz scene from the Maus books, but I didn't say that becuase nobody likes killing the Rats and we don't want to think about such things.

Developmental psych was alright although the professor hates me. I learned a lot of interesting stuff about babies. Babies are cool. If you don't believe me go have a baby and THEN come back and say they aren't cool. No credit will be given for babies that already exist.

I am exhausted right now so I should get some sleep. I have Spanish homework and a bit of psych research to do tomorrow. Add that to the classwork and real work and...wow...I've never been this busy. It's kind of nice. Feels like I'm actually doing something with my life. For the first time in a long time I don't feel like such a slacker. Instead I just feel tired and overstressed. But in a good way.

It's about a week since I stopped seeing Jeff, this time probably for good (Since he hasn't called or anything I figure he agrees that it was just time for me to give up therapy and make it on my own like Mary Tyler Moore or Rhoda or that Stud Kosmo Kramer) It's an interesting feeling not having ANYBODY out there to fall back upon during times of distress or to provide any sort of support or to give half a fuck what happens to me. I won't say I ENJOY it but it's something new. I guess some people just don't deserve to have people who care about them, and that's the way the world works. Some of us were meant to live and die alone.

I don't want to sleep...but I must. LONG day ahead of me, Long week, long summer, long fucking life. That's okay though, work till you bleed and can't think about how much you hurt. THat's a good motto.
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