June 6th, 2002


Let's begin again, like Martin Luther and the mythology begins the begin

I've been too busy to write and it's been disconcerting. I like having the time to put down my thoughts even though I know nobody actually reads them (except Elenelle who merely skims my entries searching for things to mock me about)

Anyway a fair amount has happened. Yesterday was extremely annoying. First of all I found out that I got an 81 on my first spanish test. Now this is only 1/30th of my grade so I'm not exactly panicing yet, but I should have done better. During the composition I tried to actually write something interesting rather than reasonably easy crap and I lost a lot of points there. Next time I'm just going to lay things out nice and simple, no complicated constructions and a focus on grammer only. Work yesterday was okay except that I need to have a doctor's apointment in order to actually work there and I spent most of the day moving heavy things. I couldn't blame my boss for asking me to do it since she's a 5' <100 lbs woman and I had mentioned that I lift weights, but even she admitted that I didn't sign on as an unpaid intern to play the part of the pack mule.

I left early (read exactly on time but before they wanted me to leave) and tried to do some research for my stupid developmental psych paper. That was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. I hit the library for two hours and couldn't get anything worthwhile because the articles I wanted were only online and the fucking Adobe Acrobat had been upgraded while the fonts hadn't been loaded into the printers so I couldn't get them out of the computer (And for this class you needed to hand in a copy of the article.) Fortunatly I had a contingency plan in that I'd asked the professor whether she'd allow me to do an animal research study. She said yes, mostly I think because she knows the people I'm working with at PI, although she'd like me to do something with humans. Because this paper was Pass/Fail and because I DID have permission I ended up doing one of the animal research papers. Wonder if that makes me a bad person.

Today started off somewhat better. After being stable for a very long time I actually managed to lose a little over 2 pounds. I probably gained it back today but at least I know I can still lose if I just shape up a little in my eating (Great Pun eh?) During Spanish nothing much happened. I toned down my jokes a LITTLE, although I think that most of the class likes it when I say things that are just a little twisted. Especially when I marry Edward (Sorry Ellie, that's his name...can't do anything about it) off to Emilio Estevez. I also found out that I have time during the break to go home and put laundry in the drier. Good to know.

Work was a waste of time today. I went in, got re-aquainted with Gmarc, and proceeded to mess around with some files that made no sense. I really have to talk to some of the Dr.s there because I think the data they gave me is just completely useless. Hope not. Then I came home and finished my horrible psych paper (actually left work early because all the Dr.s had gone home and the data was all corrupted so I couldn't DO anything) Developmental Psych plodded along without much incedent. Babies do rock though. Yep...babies are COOL beans.

Oh, and yesterday I retrieved my anthro paper from the office and now I KNOW that I got an A because the professor had a grudge against me.

Check out what he wrote on my paper

"Excellent Essay! You clearly have engaged with the class material & questions very carefully! It was a pleasure having you in class! I hope you continue writing & thinking about these issues! Your reading of texts & your analysis are nuanced & insightful! Excellent Job!"

I got a 95 on the paper. Now at first this may all seem pretty innocuous to you. Yeah...the comments SEEM like your average blahblahblah good effort try again next year stuff. The thing is that even WITH the 95 I still should have gotten an A+ in the class. I got over 100% when you add it all up. Now the only reason I could have gotten an A is if there had been a downwards curve. So I think he gave me a 95 just to screw me on the curve. He did not make ONE correction of the paper (added a couple sentences but those were just interpretation, not facts that was wrong). I believe his comments were a direct statement that he knew I hadn't done the reading and was just coasting by, but since my paper was still good he couldn't give me a poor grade so he tweaked me down to an A and threw it in my face. I don't know, I guess I didn't really DESERVE an A+ but I'll bet the people who got one did worse work than I did and probably didn't do the reading either, only they were too scared to open their mouths about it so nobody fond out.

I have class tomorrow to make up for independence day and another fucking Spanish test so I should probably start studying and get some sleep. I have a psych test on tuesday too. Jesus, this semester is flying by with SUPER pressure being applied to me. Just gotta survive and try to do at least decently. I've cut off almost all my coping mechanisms at this point so there's nowhere to run to if I fail. Eyes on the prize and remember...achievement is all I'm good for and the only thing that proves I have any sort of worth.
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