July 21st, 2002


This or any other summer

I worked until 6:48 on friday. There was a rainstorm and my boss and I were busy trying to sort out whether coat color correlates to levels of ultrasonic vocalization in 10 day old rat pups, so time kind of got away from us (She ended up leaving late for something.) It was really nice, after feeling so lousy about the fact that I'm focusing on results rather than process, to find myself engrossed in doing something productive just because it was fascinating and fun. I'm thinking about asking to do an independant study at this lab during the fall semester. It would be a good way to get some more experience and some psych credit that would look good to grad schools, not to mention a pretty fascinating experience on its own merits.

This weekend I've really released everything and just BEEN. It's been pretty fun actually. I asked my spanish professor to email out the composition topics but he didn't so I don't have all that much homework to do, although enough so that I'll probably spend most of the day and tomorrow morning doing it.

Someone told me recently that they were puzzled by the fact that I seemed like I was still changing and growing like an adolescent despite being twenty and more than halfway done with college. I tend to agree. I haven't settled on a path yet, I'm still in flux. I feel like I'm 16 or 17...it's disconcerting. My development has lagged behind in some ways while it has shot ahead in others. I do academic work at the level of a senior or even a low level grad student without effort and yet I have the direction and attitudes of a middle-teenager.

I really really wish I had some idea of where the fuck I was going.
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