August 4th, 2002


Sweat baby sweat baby sex is a texas drought.

On my mind today:

Exercise and men and women. Yeah, I know, that's not exactly an unusual combination for me but I had a lot of time to think today while I was avoiding actually doing my homework like a smart person would have.

It's not pure coincedence that these two topics have been rattling around in the old dome o' hot air. See I went biking with my friend Hee-Ann again today (although we DID agree on 8 AM and he slept through my phonecalls like the giant CHUMP he is) and I also found out that he got back with his ex-girlfriend.

This is a woman (She's 27 or something so I don't want to call her a 'girl') who he's been infatuated with for going on a year now (I'm pretty sure it was last summer when he went back to LA and hooked up (dated) with her for the first time) and who apparently likes him quite a lot as well. The only problem is, well, she's a woman. As such she is an indecicive conflicted contradictory creature who can't decide what she wants even if another person's emotions hang in the balance. It's pretty obvious that he cares for her immensly, and it seems that she has strong feelings for him too, but she keeps aborting the relationship due to religious concerns and leaving him in this weird state of psuedoattachement where he doesn't have any security of attachement but she is still entitled to go off like an H-bomb if he so much as asks another woman for the time. Now they're OFFICIALLY back together and she's coming to visit and I'm hoping it'll stick this time but I can't help but worry that she'll get scared again and he'll really get hurt this time. I mean he can take care of himself and all, and he doesn't SHOW a lot of pain, but it's never nice to see anyone work out their own issues on someone else like the other person was their personal boxing bag.

What's wrong with the double Xs that they are so utterly unwilling to play by any sort of comprehensible rules? What's their collective defect?

The bike ride wasn't bad. It was hot but we went nice and slow so my aching muscles from yesterday had some time to warm up and stretch out. We didn't go far but it helped work the kinks out of my knees. ON the way back we even cut it loose just a little bit. I got sunburned on my arms and probably my face, but I can live with that.

Then I came home and watched two movies. One was supposed to be for Spanish class but I doubt it'll be acceptable so I'll have to find time to watch another for class. It was about this guy in Argentina who wants to get out of the slums and get to America...and the troubles and such he goes through. It had a touching relationship between him and his homeless friend and a contrived and boring romance between him and a girl who had like two lines total. I don't know why they had to hurl a girl into the mix. What's wrong with platonic male-male friendship as a driving relationship?

The next movie was "Women Vs Men" which was an incredibly mediocre movie about mid-life relationships that had some cute scenes and a very cuddly Paul Reiser. It made a lot of claims about the nature of relationships, how they are born, how important they are, and how they fall apart. They were total bullshit though in my opinion. Answers to these sorts of questions are never so pat. The only important point the movie made was that in marital battles there aren't any winners. There are just various degrees of loss.

I don't know why I watch those sorts of movies. Maybe looking for answers to the questions that I don't want to admit to wanting to ask. Maybe looking for corroborative evidence about how malicious and just plain BAD the whole idea of a relationship is.

I should be doing homework. Saying that over and over again isn't going to do anything.

I've made a concerted and quite successful effort to eliminate the female readership of this journal. I'm not sure why.

Sometimes I wonder if I could be happy with living life just for the sake of living my own damn life.

Somehow I doubt it.
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