August 30th, 2002


See that they don't matter

The students have returned to the Columbia University area, bringing with them all sorts of good stuff, like a distinct lack of parking, a ton of noise, and sidewalk clutter. As Hee-Ann and I were saying yesterday, living in a college area would be great if it weren't for all the damned students. Well that's when he wasn't talking to his girlfriend in California on his Cell-Phone, giving the play by play of the activities we were engaging in. "Yeah...we're walking out of the park now...a cop just kicked us out (Riverside park CLOSES now...that's just....weird. I used to love midnight in the park and I never once got hassled.). Before that we were looking for a can opener and...hold on...Ben is screaming obscenities at me. Okay now he's saying 'Fuck you' in a thick New York accent. He's raising his fist and...Owww...he just slugged me in the arm. Ouch he just did it again. Okay now he's headed over to a pile of trash and sorting around in it like a homele....okay he's pulled out a wooden plank with a nail driven through it and he's advancing on me in a threatening manner..." Seriously...why do people on cellular phones feel compelled to talk about the VERY mundane events that they are engaged in at that moment? This isn't a Giants game and you aren't Phil Simms. Who the hell needs a play-by-play? I was fine with him calling her but I presumed they were going to talk about something semi-worthwhile or at least just say a bunch of mushy blah blah lovey dovey crap. I think it's incredibly rude when you're hanging out with somebody to call someone else and give them a run down of the activities you're engaging in. Unless it's something notable and exciting it isn't neccesary. As soon as he gets out of his coma and my lawyer springs me I think I'm going to tell him just what I think of....

But I digress.

Anyway, school is definitly just around the corner. I saw my lit professor from last year and the annoying girl from my Japanese History discussion section on the street today. I feel like the dregs of my summer vacation are being impinged upon...but I guess it can't be helped.

Tomorrow is final registration. I want to put it off but I can't I NEED to get a contemporary civ section...if not then I need to go yell at various people till they find me a spot cause I'm a fucking junior and I have priority.

I missed the tuition exemption people which means I have to go on tuesday or wednesday. That kind of sucks but it's not a huge deal. Just means I'll be pretty busy running around getting books and a new ID and a waiver for having to actually pay for my education. I don't know why they don't automatically put it through, they know I have the benefit, I know I have the benefit, why make me jump through all this paperwork hoops? I guess that's just the way the world is. If something CAN be cold and impersonal, it will be. Not to mention wasteful and inefficient. (They pay one person to take the form, one to xerox it, and one to scan it into the system. The only thing they're lacking is a consultant to oversee the process.)

I need to clean this weekend and I'm not looking forward to it. It needs to get done though.

I feel a little less lousy about things now, after coming to understand that life goes at the pace life goes and you can't force it or stick it to a schedule or worry about mistakes and missed opportunities in the past except in that you can learn from them for the future, thanks in large part to Jeff. I don't know...some days it seems like things are progressing nicely and some it seems like they're still stuck in a mud patch and I'm spinning my wheels. I guess that's pretty typical...nothing to be done but forge forward.

Life is so very short and yet so big and's like an optical illusion at times where the weeks trudge by slooowwwllly and the years whizz by fast in paralax.

I need to find a comfort zone somewhere but I have no clue where one might exist for me. I've never really been comfortable in my own life...Never. Maybe it's just part of my the loner aspect and the perfectionism and the sarcasm.

Everybody's complicated and nobody's more complicated than yourself because you know all of your own inner contradictions and ambivalences. I believe that the more you know yourself the more wisdom and patience you need to be able to do anything useful with that knowledge. I know more than I say but I also know that there are things that I simply am not ready to deal with. If I can't find comfort I need to at least strive for balance. That's a good goal. I should revisit my New Years resolutions at the 3/4 mark on sunday. I think I've done pretty well with them but it might be worthwhile to give it some serious thought.
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