September 6th, 2002


What just happened to me

Yesterday put it rather succinctly...horrible. I woke up feeling quite sick, and it only proceeded to get worse throughout the day. My 9 AM class was interesting but torturously painful, as I tried to concentrate through the wad of cotton in my head. I even screwed up an experiment by volunteering and then having a slow reaction time during my turn at it, thus inverting what the results should have been. I explained this but it probably sounded like a cop out. Now my whole psych class thinks I'm slow. I should have just claimed to be Southern.

My next class was worse...much much worse. It was comparative politics and at this point my grip on myself was starting to slip. I started the reading before class...found it incredibly asinine (It claimed that during the last decade no continent has been safe from the horrors of war and ethnic cleansing. Really? I guess I missed when the Canadian armies, with their vicious war cry of "War is what it's all aboot, eh!" swept down through the United States and into Mexico, fighting their way all the way to Guadalajara and imposing the will of the maple fist among the innocents of north America. It also defined the word comparison. I'm at an ivy league college, not a remedial 9th grade english class asshole. Insulting my intelligence won't get you on my good side. Even if you have huge bouncy breasts.) The class seemed sort of interesting but I couldn't focus, and even though I had found a seat at least one space on either side from a person someone sat down next to me and started complaining about the fact that I was gently rocking back and forth so that I wouldn't fall asleep. The next hour was spent sitting as close to stock still as I could while I attempted to take what notes I could through the haze. The time passed like a snail towing an overweight turtle.

I think I might have offended Ryan on the way out too...but I didn't care because I was so glad to just be out of that class and on my way home to a place where I could lie down. When I got home I did so...after taking a couple slugs of dayquil to try and reduce the pain and maybe allow my head to function at least at 20% capacity.

The next two hours were spent resting and eating some soup...which was all I could keep down at that point. Then I went to my third class of the day. This one went a little better...I had my own seat even though the class was crowded so I could rock to stay awake and the material was a little more interesting. Plus the Dayquil had taken some of the cotton off my cerebral cortex. I slipped up again there when misread the time of a discussion section but it was no big deal and I am in the right one. On the way home I bought a video tape.

Now I had about 3.5 hours of rest and I took advantage of it as best I could...even managing to get some fitfull sleep. Then I watched the NFL pre-game show. At 8:15 PM I slipped the tape into the machine, pressed record, and staggered out towards the Philolexian society. When I got to the room it was supposed to be in there were a bunch of communists there. No...really. See the ISO had grabbed the room and I was left thoroughly confused. Just before I went home I saw a sign saying that the society had moved so I went to the new room. When I went in I found what I expected to be a dignified society with a grand old tradition to be basically what amounted to a highschool debate club gone awry. My first clue was that although the club proudly proclaimed itself descended from associates of Alexander Hamilton...three silly girls were the only officers. My next clue was that Avi, one grade below me and king of ludicrous and suprisingly unfunny debates, was a proud and long time member of the club. I only decided to stay because I didn't trust my unsteady legs to carry me home, or my churning stomach not to spew its contents out on the way.

The club started with a birthday party for the moderator, a girl I had had in my Japanese Civilizations class who had disliked me there. Always good to start out on the wrong foot with the moderator. I didn't hold any particular grudge towards her although I had found her to be a bit too chipper for my tastes. But that's true of virtually it's not like she was directly to blame for me. Nevertheless I felt that she hadn't appreciated some of my views, like that being a whore is not an example of female empowerment, and here I was in her club. This was made even worse when I found out that to even speak in the club you had to give an obsequious address...basically sucking up to her in order to be given a chance to say anything. Naturally this did not please me one bit, and I spent the first half hour or so standing against the wall sneering slightly. Eventually I began to realize something though. Most of the people speaking...well...weren't very good in any way shape or form. The resolution was "thought is a cover for weakness" so I didn't exactly expect brilliant monologues proving or disproving the thesis...but I at least expected clever repartee. Instead I got a few merely half decent comments and a whole lot of nonsensical rambling. This got my competitive juices flowing a bit and I resolved to say something that would be at least coherent despite the fact that I remained rather sick and fighting through some pretty serious pain. Predictably after I raised my hand the moderator tried to ignore me for as long as possible, and managed to annoy me even further my stating "It might not be well known but Philo is also a forum for feminist raise your hands girls!"

I fail to see how a debate society founded by Alexander Hamilton's buddies at an ALL MALE School could be warped into some sort of tool of the fucking feminists and still call itself the same institution. This is the sort of feminism that I absolutely despise...the unreasonable and fair granting of special privalege to women who can't hack it playing with the boys. The girls were free to raise their hands to speak and it's not like they weren't already being selected almost as soon as they wanted to speak. The entire establishment of the club was made up of women so it's also not like the women were being treated worse. If they don't have the guts to step up let them sit in their little herds and remain silent. They shouldn't be given "Women talk time" like it was kiddie swim. Unless they want to admit that women are inferior and need special treatment.

After a bunch of girls made some INCREDIBLY incoherent blatherings I was called and stepped up. I had decided to give a backhanded compliment by claiming that I was only speaking to show how grand her speech was in comparison to my pathetic attempts at it. Knowing full well that while she's pretty intelligent she's not particularly eloquent, I hoped that this would allow me to speak without sacrificing pride. It did. I spoke decently despite my illness, managing to earn a reeses cup (which I was not going to even try to eat given my powerful nausea. I tried to give it to one of the guys I had been hanging with and talking to but when I offered it some chick came up and gladly accepted it.) by my actually half-rational use of the word of the day, interlocutor (which she kept mispronouncing Interlocular) as compared to other peoples' blatent statement of the word out of context to earn candy. In the end I earned what I thought to be some of the best applause of the night and felt pretty good with what I said, managing to be both somewhat clever (Starting a comment to a bunch of nerdy girls with "Since I know you are all boxing fans...") and logical. After I spoke I also managed to counter someone else's point when I showed that although James Bond was indeed a thinker, the evil villans he fought were much more brilliant and thus the theory that Bond's thinking was what gave him victiory was a flawed one.

After the club they gave out kudos and censures...and I was pleased that Avi earned a bundle of censures for...well...being Avi. I got commended for my speech and my use of the word of the day which was fairly nice. They also picked a resolution for two weeks from them, which ended up being "The domestication of dogs was, retrospectively, a mistake." Someone suggested "Women have no souls" though, which made me quite happy. I voted for that one, and I want to talk to the guy who had the guts to put it down. Then they went out to play croquet and get drunk and I went home to watch the fourth quarter of the Giants' game (I had intended to just watch the whole thing taped but I thought I left something at Philo so I went into the room to check for it and noticed the Giants were down but only by a little so decided to stay and watch the end.) Giants tied it up with 2 minutes left and then lost by a fieldgoal in the last couple of minutes. Darn.

I think I will go to the club at least one more time...if only to see how impressive I can be without a horrible head cold holding me back and to watch them get drunk and play croquet. Despite being a junior I must confess that I have never actually been around College Kids drinking and I have always wondered what it was like. Perhaps this shall be my opportunity to observe.

After the game I went to bed...then woke up at 3 AM feeling crappy and decided to write this painstaking and incredibly boring journal entry nobody will read in an attempt to lull myself back to sleep. Now I shall go see if it has worked.

P.S. I got my Spanish grade and it was an A. Quite disapointing. I know I didn't neccesarily deserve an A+ but it means that for the first time I have not managed to raise my GPA from semester to semester. I got a 3.948 over the spring and a 3.927 over the summer. My overall GPA is now a 3.853. I guess I should have expected it but it sucks nonetheless.
  • Current Music
    Mighty Mighty Boss Tones

You can look outside your window, he doesn't have to know.

I feel a little better today than I did while writing Moby Entry last night. Despite still feeling sick this morning I did manage to make it to the club fair on campus. I signed up for the mock trial club which I need to try out for...but should make at least as a witness. There were a few other clubs that looked sort of interesting but they were mostly athletic clubs which I need to be more fit before I join, or more serious debate clubs which I don't want to join while I'm taking 20 credits. Philo and Mock Trial should be more than enough for one semester...right?

I don't know...I still feel like I'm in highschool. I mean I live at home and walk accross the street to go to school, I don't engage in any drugging, drinking, or inappropriate interaction with the vile gender, and I certainly haven't built up a circle of friends who I talk with late into the night about philosophy or any such thing.

Of course part of all that has to do with my interests, and the fact that few people can keep up with me in serious conversation. Those conversations that I do have with my fellow students tend to end in either a deadlock or my convincing them of my point. Rarely do they try to argue against what I say through logic. It's frustrating.

I don't know...I guess I just wasn't designed for college. I'll get my degree...probably go on to grad school with possibly a year of work in between...and then head off to my career. No need for partying, alcoholism, or ilicit relationships with the bumpy chests along the way...right? I don't even need that much in the way of friendship. I should stop worrying so much about norms...I'm not normal.

On a couple of side notes, my housekeeper's back went out on her so now we're sans cleaning lady. That sucks big time...

Also we're doing Rosh Hashana at our house this year which means dealing with a bunch of people who annoy me in a stupid ceremony that none of us believe in. We're all ATHEISTS you dumbass...why bother celebrating some stupid Jew holiday? I know my great grandpa was a bigshot rabbi but there ain't been religion in this family for a century. Time to give it up.
  • Current Music
    Counting Crows - August and Everything After