September 11th, 2002


She wasn't so sure she wanted him to stay.

Some days are just really great. You know...the kind of day where you can't wait to jump out of bed and embrace the beauty of the new morning. The kind of day where everything just sort of falls into place, the minor annoyances just sort of glide off your back like water rolling down a duck's, and everything seems just a little bit easier than the day before. Where you get along with everybody and even the normally rude cashier at the supermarket greets you with a style. A day of joy and harmony.

Know what I'm talking about? Yeah?

Those kinds of days never happen to me.

Today I dragged myself out of bed at around 6 and dragged myself right back into bed since I felt shittier than a New York Pigeon's favorite statue. After I dragged myself out of bed again at 7 or so I spent about 2 hours on the net trying to complete an assignment for school. It was a very stupid assignment and in fact close to undoable because it was vague and the resources it asked you to use were ludicrously sparse. Not my idea of a good time (could you tell?)

After the assignment that wasn't I headed off to Language and the Brain, a slight scowl on my face. I got there a little late.

The class was alright...we went over some more interesting stuff and I learned a good deal. I'm glad I picked this class over a redundant intro to neuropsychology. It may be fairly tough but at least it's interesting in a way the intro wouldn't be. The professor also asks tough questions and is fairly playful when people get them wrong. He's not an asshole though. Of course during class my nose started running like Bill Clinton's eyes at a "embrace your inner child" new age meeting, and I was actually forced to use a piece of notebook paper as a tissue. Note: If you crinckle it up enough it gets to the consistancy of paper towel and is actually usable.

After that class, the highlight of an otherwise dismal day, I dragged myself home to get some tissues so that I wouldn't decimate my notebook with my snotty nosed needs. Decimating the notebook would have to wait until about 4:45. My next class was pretty boring but uneventful. Took down lots of notes about Mexico. Thanked my professor for assigning only essay tests so I could be sure that all the details would not be on the test. Talked to Ryan and outright accused him of being evil because of his claim that he wanted to be a corporate lawyer. Yeah, I was joking but still. Corporate lawyer. Souls so cheap they can be bought with coupons and give back change.

After class it was time to rush down to Metro Copies on 87th to grab my coursepack for anthro. I absolutely hate having to go all the way down there for school eats up an entire lunch period and it's totally preventable since there are approximatly one MILLION copy shops up by Columbia. I went down there anyway. Lunch was some bad food from Taco Bell that I shouldn't have bought but didn't have time to replace with anything healthier then I spent more time on the assignment from hell and made zero headway.

American Politics was boring but not terrible. Blah Blah Blah executive branch yada yada yada. Mostly stuff I knew already or details I'll have to memorize but don't wanna.

At the end of that class I had only an hour before I had to hand in The Assignment Of Infinite Darkness. I bought a Diet Pepsi and headed to the computer lab to get to work. When I got there only a Mac was available. I sat down at it, screwed the top back on my Pepsi, and put it in my backpack.

The Assignment of Unbridled Horror took about 20 minutes after I gave up on doing a good job and just churned out schlock (it's pass fail anyway and it was such a bad assignment it didn't DESERVE quality.) I tried to print it out but soon found that the Mac only printed to one printer and that said printer was broken. Pretty normal for Columbia. I emailed myself the assignment and got up to go print it elsewhere. When I did I noticed my backpack was sitting in a puddle of fluid. My heart sank in my chest and I wrenched my backpack open. In it lay a 4/5 empty pepsi bottle slowly leaking fluid out on all my very expensive books and other posessions. I had screwed the top on but apparently unlike coke, Pepsi tops don't actually KEEP THE SODA IN THE BOTTLE, which is one of the requests I generally make of soda bottle tops. I didn't want to get in trouble for drinking in the lab since I'd intentionally put away my soda while the woman next to me ate a bunch of peaches right under the "No eating, no drinking, no exceptions" sign so I just left without saying anything to anybody. Probably not a great thing to do but after the day I'd already had, the sickness still with me, and the fact that they'd already fucked me by not providing a printer for my stuff, I couldn't be bothered to go turn myself in. I had consciously screwed the top on and put the soda away and that was what caused my downfall. Reality is a BITCH sometimes.

Printing was a pain in the ass but I got it done. After I had my crappy assignment I took it to the discussion section, which turned out to be a rather long and boring waste of time. All the other students are, as far as I can tell, shortsighted and simplistic. Maybe some will surprise me, but I think that anyone who claims that the ability to use government for evil is a freedom needs some help understanding what a concept is.

The TA seems fine though, even if he is pretty laid back. Nothing else there.

Two hours of downtime and I was off to Mock Trial.

Here's a basic breakdown of Mock Trial. The president is an unrealistically beautiful girl. I mean she is absolutely drop dead steal your breath and never give it back gorgeous.

There are a lot of people competing for a small number of spots.

I doubt that I will get one.

First of all I HATE tryouts for anything and I invariably choke. I can't stand the idea of failing so I sabotage myself to avoid trying hard and STILL not succeeding.

Secondly I don't lack confidence in my litigious abilities but since I've never done this before my inexperience means I'm not quite sure what the rules are or how to prepare.

Thirdly there is an "appearance" component to the point where you need to submit a photograph with your application. That pretty much seals the deal.

I'll still study the case and tryout, but it's mostly so I can claim I didn't give up even though I couldn't expect to succeed. Failure breeds character right?

At least after I get bumped I won't have to miss football (Mock Trial meets sundays at 4:00 PM) Small reward but I simply don't have the experience or confidence to get into this thing.

It's too bad too...they could have used me. I'm actually quite good at that sort of thing. At least I still have...Philo...

Life trudges onwards...I'm still waiting for a change of pace.
  • Current Music
    Pearl Jam

I think you better turn your ticket in, and get your money back at the door.

I've had a pretty lousy week which is finally starting to wind down, thankfully. One more day of relatively light classes and I'm done until monday. This is a good thing since I think I can only handle one more day before I need to refuel.

Today started half decently with my foreign policy class which looks like a frontrunner for my favorite class of the semester. I noticed that two of the officers of the Mock Trial club are in that class, the guy who was at the table on club recruitment day and the insanely gorgeous president. This perturbs me somewhat since it means that after I am rejected by the club I will still have to see its members twice a week. I do, however, like the fact that I will get the satisfaction of most likely outscoring them on the tests, since they're in essay form and I am in top form on essay form tests.

After class I hung out with a friend from highschool, Nemanja, who is also in the class, very briefly. Then I went home and had some soup, which seemed a good idea at the time.

My anthro class was at 2 and went alright. It's very relativistic and dogmatic which I don't like but there are actually interesting points burried in all the hogwash and the seminarosity of it is good. Like I said though it did bring up some interesting issues of the reflexivity and immediacy of the media and how that fucks with perspective and temporal placement etc. I think I should keep it.

After that class was CC which sucked, of course, but was bearable. I said a lot of stuff, listened to some mildly interesting comments, and managed to sit through the 110 minutes without going nuts. The teacher said she appreciated my comments so I will continue making them.

I need to get to the weekend so I can make up some of the reading, get some rest, and find a ryhthm for the semester.

Right now the thing that's weighing most heavily on me is the Mock Trial tryout. Need to get that out of the way so I can feel terrible for being rejected and rail against them for not recognizing my brilliance.

Then I can get down to the business of doing well in all 6 classes and surviving yet another semester of aimless overindulgence in school in the hope that I will somehow find inspiration among the insipid.

I am SO ready for a change but I don't think one will come. I'm stuck again in my life with no hope of getting free.

There's something ironic about having such a bright future by conventional standards and a non-existant one by your own lights. I have ambition without focus and success without self-confidence.

At least this life has been lousy enough to burn off a LOT of bad karma.
  • Current Music
    Counting Crows - August and Everything after

September 11th

Oh, and nobody get on me for whining about my own petty concerns on this most sacred of holidays, september 11th. The fact of the matter is that I think that all the hoopla over the attacks is total crap. It's not tasteful and it doesn't serve a purpose. I remembered by myself in my own way and I don't feel compelled to blather about it since so many other people do.

The victims deserve better than this faux sympathetic socially normed fakefest.

They deserve real respect and dignity.

That's not found in 9 hours of very special programming or in public proclamations of bullshit. It's found in personal remembrance and working to prevent the same thing from every happening again.

God bless the victims and their families but god damn all those who have felt the need to exploit and abuse 3,000 deaths.
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated