December 6th, 2002


I wish the real world would just stop hasseling me.

A quote from one of my assignments:

"Answer any TWO of the three essay questions below in the form of two essay questions."

That's the sort of semester it's been.

Last night I changed the channel away from a Letterman Re-run to a Leno Re-Run because the Letterman musical guest was far too irritating and inarticulate for me to listen to him. Immediatly after changing to Leno the SAME irritating and inarticulate musical guest came on the Leno Re-Run and started singing the same lame song. We all talk about cookie cutter entertainment but when the two competing talk-shows are featuring the same untalented creep singing the same song on the same night...well it's a little bit too self-parodying for comfort.

This semester ended with a whimper rather than a bang. Most of the time I feel somewhat sorry as a semester is coming to a close. There are classes that I'll miss, people I'll never see again, and just a general sense of melancholy. Not this time. I'm just glad to be done with it. The last few weeks have been riddled with sickness and discomfort and boredom in the classroom. Monday night I realized I wouldn't finish my huge Puerto Rico paper so I asked about the penalty for lateness and ended up with an extension. I'll have to write it this weekend but since I'm feeling better and already have a good deal of it done, that shouldn't be a huge issue.

Classes this week were normal, last week of class affairs. They were boring and filled with stupid teacher evaluation forms (I was a little nicer than I wanted to be but I figured that with the curve that other students employ I should come off as about as harsh as I intended to be)

I have actually finished a class at this point, since I took the final for American Politics on thursday. I think I did decently, not a big deal since it's a pretty easy class to begin with. I also got my paper back from American Foreign Policy and got an A even though it was an extremely shoddy paper that I cooked up while sick and at my wits' end. I did work in most of the readings though, which is apparently the only thing the professor actually cares about. I have a chance of doing decently this semester grade wise but I'm afraid of it. I'm afraid that if I do well I won't learn my lesson about not pushing so hard in school or worrying so much about how I do. I'm worried that I'll just be feeding a bad cycle of overwork and undercaring and end up wasting even more of my college experience.

A part of me wants to fail to relieve me of the pressure. Another part wants to kick that part's ass.

It's snowed this week. I like it a lot. I've been picking up snow and making little snowballs and whatnot ever since it came down. There's nothing quite as nice as snow. I want to get back into skiing shape and hit the slopes again.

I decided not to become a full member of the phylolexian society because they don't appreciate me enough. I'm a good contributor, more amusing and subtle at times than they can understand, and undeserving of the disrespectful behavior I have been subjected to.

Why do most women always feel the need for social validation? It's kind of amusing and sort of disturbing. Somehow they think that garnering attention or being noticed is a good thing almost regardless of the context. Strange creatures they are. Low in dietary fiber though.

Despite my mother's best attempts to get in my way through her abusive antics, I am starting to feel directed and grounded again...l have learned some important lessons about life management this semester, and I am eagre to apply them when I have some time. I am also getting closer and closer to a degree. After next semester I will have only 18 credits to go. If I don't end up going into an honors or thesis program I might just do a little over the summer and then polish the rest off in the fall. That would mean I would only have about a year of school left. I might end up taking the full year and a half just because there's some other stuff I'd like to at least touch upon before my college years are over...but there are no longer miles to go before I walk.

My 21st birthday is only 3 sundays away. I'm not going to do anything for it, but it's lurking there reminding me of time wasted and the lack of Snapple in my life recently. I'm thinking about getting a fake ID after I'm 21 just to be contrary. I'm going to start doing silly shit like that again. It's part of who I am and honestly who I want to be. I mean it's not as if people like me as I am...why not let my zany side shine through? It ain't like I'm trying to look suave for the ladies or nothing.

My head is pounding I should sleep.

Life cycles and circles and whirls along. So much of what your life is is how you percieve it. Sometimes I think that it's possible to have the same objective experience twice and see it so completely differently both times that you don't even recognize what it is while you're going through it. Sometimes I think that the most powerful part of the human body is the female chest. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a trucker and just drive from place to place all the time with no worries outside the moment and no need to stay in one place long enough to see the grime beneath the polish.

Sometimes the moon is as beautiful as it should be.
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