February 17th, 2003

pod

[school should] Bother me tomorrow, today I pack no sorrow.

This saturday my mother went marching against the war on Iraq, which she believes will lead to world war III and the deaths of hundreds of thousands of innocents who would have been saved if they had just been allowed to continue to live under Uncle Saddam's benevolent reign. This doesn't particularly bother me, since my parents have always been communists and radicals. What does bother me though is when my mother asks why I am not marching, I answer that while I despise Bush intensly and I really don't want go to war I also see signs that Saddam Husein at least WANTS to be the next Hitler and I also disagree with the reasons that her group doesn't want war, and she totally refuses to accept that. I was explaining that inspections AREN'T working at all and even cuddly Hans Blix says that the Iraqis aren't cooperating and she actually screamed "It makes me sad that you have absolutely no humanity in you" at me. Now we all know that certain liberals tend to be a bit emotional to the point where even if they have a point worth making they often sabotage it by resorting to personal attacks (more so than conservatives who are less passionate and more pointed with their groundless personal attacks) but seeing as I am her son and she knows I am a very compassionate person I find it somewhat...annoying that she would say such things to me. Then she asked me to glue together her sign for the rally, since apparently people who have not a speck of humanity in them have nothing better to do than to help those who have plenty.

At this point I've gotten used to this sort of abuse and it rarely reaches above "irritating" on my annoyance-o-meter but I do think it has caused some problems over time. I mean it wouldn't take a Princeton educated psychologist with a 77 year old book agent and a Larry Bird fetish to relate this stuff to my desire for solitude and my extreme ambivalence about romantic relationships and the like. It's probably not unrelated to my dislike for females either, though intellectually that's more a reaction to the extreme amount of feminism I've been exposed to and a desire to ruffle feathers.

The past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind in a lot of ways. There's been fear, confusion, and alarm mixed in with a lot of new and wonderful stuff. I just hope that my volatility/insecurity isn't going to cause hurt to another person who I care about and who really doesn't deserve it.

Today is a snow day. I should go out and play in it but I don't like the snow during the day. It just feels grey and wet. Night time is the right time, when there's no sun to melt it and it can gleam in the darkness. I'm really glad classes were cancelled though, since I didn't want to write my stupid paper for today and now I get until wednesday. Of course that means I have a LOT of work to do for wednesday but I'll handle it. I always do.

Besides, there are better things to be thinking about at the moment.
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