May 27th, 2004


You let me complicate you

I woke up this morning feeling awful. I think it’s Caffeine withdrawal. I’ve been drinking a lot of Diet Mountain Dew and other caffeine loaded drinks recently, and I didn’t have any yesterday. My head started hurting in the evening and I went to bed at 9:30. My head’s starting to return to normal now, but I’m still a little bit unfocused. I wanted to write about copyright protections and my evolving opinions about them, but I just don’t have the focus at the moment. Also, I don’t want to re-iterate my first amendment term paper, and it’s way too long to post on here. I’ll do it someday, maybe some day soon.

I have a 5 page paper due today at 6. I hope my head clears up in time to write it. There are no footnotes or research requirements, so I should probably be okay.

Yesterday’s classes were long but decent, except that my eyes started to hurt really badly during the second one. I’m not sure if that was from eyestrain (indicating that I actually need to buy and wear glasses even though one of my eyes has perfect vision) or the caffeine withdrawal thing, but it sucked.

After class I hung out for a couple hours with Scott and the German dude. We didn’t go anywhere, just stood around and talked and then went to the bookstore so they could pick up some stuff for classes. It was an interesting conversation, we talked about everything from how lacking in stimulation it was to grow up in North Carolina to Leni Riefenstahl’s post Nazi life. We also talked about drugs and addiction, one of the reasons I suspect caffeine is to blame for my current lack of mental sharpness. What was of special interest to me was the fact that German dude wants to be a director. He’s 29 and has finished his doctoral dissertation in Law over in Germany, but he would like to get into Columbia’s film school and then go on to direct independent films. He was rejected the first time he applied so now he’s taking some classes here and is going to give it another shot. He’s what I was afraid of becoming, but I don’t find him pathetic or unhappy. He’s an alright guy, even if he does stand too close to you when he talks. I think that’s a European thing though.

This will have been my shortest entry in months, but honestly I don’t have a lot to say at the moment. I’m feeling listless, not in a particularly bad way (except that I have stuff to do) but in sort of a calm, relaxed way. I just want to sit here and net or channel surf, maybe crack my toes.

Ehh, who am I kidding. I’d like to get a little more sleep, and maybe play some NCAA 2004.
  • Current Music
    Nine Inch Nails - Broken Spiral

Does he come across as some fanatic who wants to kill all of us?

I am not happy, not at all. The fucking benefits office is now saying that they won't exempt my classes. I'm either going to have to drop them or pay something on the order of $10,000. If I'm paying that much I might as well go to NYU for classes instead. I'm already 1/6th done with the classes and I've become ensconsed, but frankly if I can get a job I might just withdraw, pay the $70 penalty, and work. I pissed off my professor today partially because I was in such a horrible mood. He's my prof for two of the classes too. I'm not sure what to do, but I do know that whatever it is I have been singificantly jarred from my plan and possibly out of college for good (I would still go to grad school if accepted.)

I'm trying not to freak out or explode with rage, since that never helps anything and I don't want to do that. Just roll with the punches and move on. God damn though, it's so annoying when bureaucrats lie to you. I ASKED this question. I went down there in person and had this conversation. Motherfucker.

It's not the money so much as the surprise. I have the cash, and since it's in my trust fund it's really just play money right now, not real to me in any significant way. Heck if I dropped and went to work it might be a good thing. I don't know how I'll feel out in the real world, although I'll meet fewer friends (not that I've done great in the classroom either.)

I know this is not a huge deal, and I will deal with it. It's just frustrating as hell and I can't fully resolve it tonight, so I have to go sleep unsure and unhappy.

Not the best way to catch some Zzzs.
  • Current Music
    Bill O'Leilly