March 30th, 2005

Short hair suspicion

If the tumor don't fit you must quit this mortal coil

I wanted to write an insouciant entry about the death of Johnny Cochran, saying something like "O.J. expressed grief at the loss of his friend and said that now that Johnny's gone he plans to hang up his killing glove for good. 'I still might get off, but without Johnny it wouldn't be the same' said a sincere Juice. When asked whether he'd make an exception for Ann Coulter the Juice replied that he wouldn't need to since she looks like her feeding tube was removed in 1985 and she could perish at any moment"

but I'm not going to. For one Cochran has received too much derision over the years for doing his job, and for another there's too many jokes being made already.

Instead I'm going to talk about the far more interesting subject of me. I got my treadmill today, after almost a month of waiting. They delivered it at around 2:30 (I love their 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM window policy.) The box was much bigger than I expected and they refused to set up the treadmill in the room where I wanted it, which was a serious problem since the only other place it might fit would be in the living room, where I wouldn't have access to any entertainments and where it would be a huge eyesore. I ended up having to bribe them with $60 to assemble it in the living room and then move it where I wanted it, but that's pretty much de rigeur when it comes to delivery guys. As for the thing itself, it's great. It's a huge health-club style treadmill with safety key, automated elevation up to 15 degrees, and all sorts of exercise routines and display options. I used it for about an hour and a half today (Not all at once) and it's comfortable to walk on and easy to work up a sweat with. I like it much better than using an exercise bike because my butt doesn't get sore and I find the walking/jogging to be a much more natural and pleasant movement. It also allows you to set a pace electronically rather than having to manually maintain the pace, which is just a psychological thing but not insignificant because of that.

I needed to strip down to just my underpants and socks to be able to squeeze under the weight capacity, which was embarrassing, but it offers an opportunity at a fresh start in a way. Begin at the very end of the spectrum and work my way up, that kind of thing. I've already begun the process of channeling boredom and frustration into a brisk walk rather than an ice cream bar, and I have faith that I will be able to complete that process. It's what I'm all about.

Anyway besides the whole treadmill thing I also managed to get past a significant writing block, and that's a good thing. I'm really improving both as a writer but more importantly as someone who can sit down and write. These pages are good and I'm going to buy a printer soon and show them to my boss. Speaking of my boss I've started taking work home with me to do faster with my high speed connection than I can in the office. I don't get paid for it, but frankly the $10 an hour was nothing anyway. I need to focus on moving on with my life, not staying in this worthless job for another 5 months.

I've been on the treadmill of life for way too long. Time to get off that and on to a real treadmill and a real life. Only without girls because GIRLS ARE YUCKY!

Fact!
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Short hair suspicion

Fat boy on a diet don't try it

It appears that in today's American society one of the worst things you can be is fat. A thief or a cheat? That just lands you a prime time television show and a whole lot of chatter about your redemption. A measured attempt to lower the level of cultural sophistication in the country to just slightly below that of the Jerry Springer show? That's just Paris. The true villains are those of us who have the temerity to not only eat so much that our physiques blow up to unappealing sizes BUT we also choose to APPEAR IN PUBLIC LOOKING LIKE THAT. It's not just a tragedy, it's a crime.

In California fat men are being offered complimentary sterilization with no side order of irony. When I first saw this I thought that it was a subtle and vicious parody both of fat people and the body image obsession of our surfacy culture, but as far as I can tell it is not. This is wrong on so many levels I can't even name them all. For one thing by WHAT definition is obesity the worst possible genetic trait you can pass on to your children? What about alcoholism, a disease that has a genetic component AND a tendency to cost the lives of innocents as well as its bearer? What about those with heavy family histories of cancer or heart attacks unrelated to obesity? Blood disorders? Tay-Sachs? Why should eugenics start with the big-bellied, especially since it's a disease that can be conquered with hard work and smart choices. Then there's the fact that the obesity epidemic is one that we KNOW has societal causes. We work too much, don't exercise enough, and are all victims of a fast-food industry that relentlessly pushes deadly garbage at people from the cradle to the (oversized) grave. It uses every manipulative technique it knows INCLUDING misleading statements about the health value of its foods (Have a Salad. Laden with fat and calories to the point that it's worse than a big mac. We left out that part.) With drugs and cigarettes and the rest of it we all hear "just say no" but in the case of food there's billions of dollars being spent so that Ronald McMurder can scream "JUST SAY YES JUST SAY YES. SAY IT! SAY ITTT!!" Like some sort of perverted Sam Kinison clone from every billboard, television screen, and web page available. I'm not saying that the government should regulate that (though it does with other deadly products) or that people don't need to take personal responsibility, I'm just saying that ending the genetic lines of the fatties is sort of missing the forest for the trees. Sure it's a voluntary program, for now, and yes obesity is a huge problem (ha) but it's scary as hell. I better use that treadmill or they'll be coming for me before the clock strikes 2010.

P.S. Is there any connection between an Austrian Eugenicist Body Builder seizing power through the manipulations and mass spending of the morlock Republicans and the institution of such a policy? I don't know, not sure when it was put into place, but it makes one think.

Then there's an article about how fat people can't teach in Hawaii. This is based on the bizarre fallacy that you can't express an ideal if you don't live it. It's the same perverted notion that makes so many cultists (some call them Christians) pretend to be morally perfect, because if they admit that they make mistakes then they could be questioned and the masses might think. That'd be bad for Jesus and HORRIBLE for the Republicans, who have built an empire on making sure that most people are soothed by gentle lies and under the crazy belief that those who have wealth generally deserve it. How do we prevent thinking? We offer paragons of perfection to tell you what to believe. Personally I think that fat teachers could be an asset in the classroom. In addition to the fact that some of them are just plain good at their jobs they also have knowledge of how difficult it is for those inclined towards fatness to stay thin and know many of the pitfalls on the way. If all you have are naturally thin people who love wheat grass then they won't be able to empathize with or help the fatties. Of course if we combine Eugenics and hiding the fatties from view we can have beautiful thin schools, but unfortunately no state has done that yet.

I'm not against efforts to fight obesity in our society, far from it, but I think that it's a problem that has to be addressed through education and changing our culture, not ball-snipping or hiding fat people from the view of impressionable young people. I also think that being fat is far from the worst thing someone can be. What about the wife-beaters, people who believe in God or like George Bush, American Idol fans? If we eliminate fatties from our society we say that Ben Franklin and Marlon Brando had nothing to order and should have kept their lard-laden hands off our society. I am very worried that this is just another sign of our society's slow drift into theocratic fascism thanks to the Republicans and their dimwitted followers. "Everything must look perfect, everyone must think the same. Terrorism is out there so you should worship the Godbush and not question it when he has brown people tortured to death. Obey obey obey. Believe the Jesus myth!"

Maybe there is something out there louder and more dangerous than those Mcdonalds' advertisements.

1984. I'd hit it.
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    Cypress Hill