April 3rd, 2005

Short hair suspicion

The lights go out

I've got to get out of this place. Seriously. I say that a lot but I mean it more each time.

I ran into my last big crush last night while on my way to the store to get orange juice. She was carrying a giant case of beer and looking even more beautiful than I remembered her being, which was a surprise since I remembered her being quite beautiful. Our eyes met as we passed one another and...absolutely nothing. Had we both been covered in a highly flammable liquid, such as kerosene or napalm (which is more of a gel, but still quite flammable) we would have been entirely safe because there was not even a spark of recognition. Of course I suppose that there still would be considerable danger in being covered in such a flammable substance, I mean people leave burning cigarettes* on the sidewalk and there's always a danger of inhaling fumes, but ignition would not have occurred at that point. Come to think of it I might not have even noticed her had I been covered in napalm, so preoccupied would I have been in getting it off me as soon as possible.

I really wish I'd had some sort of obvious accomplishment over the last year to boost my self-esteem upon spotting her again, but not really. I've achieved a lot of personal growth over the past 11 months, but that and a token won't even get you on the subway. You need a metro card now. I went from being something of an academic star to a semi-out of work spec writer living with his mother still hanging around the old college. Smooth. I think I also managed to pack on something like 30 pounds. Smoother. I'd say what smoothest was but I think I'd have to hang myself immediately after, and that's not something I feel like doing.

God but this girl was beautiful. She was the one who finally proved my theory that intelligence and humor don't count for shit, at least not with the ladies. Being acknowledged as the smartest one in class will get you an A but not the L- -I-D you want around it. Being funny enough that she asks someone else to repeat your snide asides in the middle of class? Yeah, that's meaningless. So, any young fellas out there reading, I suggest you throw aside your books and funny glasses and go try out for the football team or something. Happiness (in the form of female attention, at least ) comes from built pecs and a big paycheck.

Okay, I'm coming off as spectacularly bitter, and I was last night a little. I wanted to recapture that mood this morning, remember it a little. Truth is I feel okay. It's just another reason to get up and moving and improve myself. Some day I will be relatively fit and situated in life and damn it gorgeous creatures like that will reject me for the black hearted bastard I am on the INSIDE and not the loser I am on the OUTSIDE. Women like her are one of life's great jokes. They are the single most desirable thing on the planet and parceled out in such small numbers that attaining them is almost impossible.

Especially if you don't try.

*I realize that it is not easy to get napalm to combust, but if I ask people whether they would feel comfortable being covered in napalm and having cigarettes flicked at them I firmly believe almost all would say "Hell no" or offer some other similar denial.
  • Current Music
    Weird Science

To the extreme I rock a pope like a vandal, turn off the lights I'll wax his ass like a candle

Treadmilling is a good way to get the endorphins going and forget your troubles. I promise to stop starting every entry like this. Really. Someday. It will happen. Look forward to it.

The whole popedeath thing has brought a question to my mind. How do the little boys whose molesters the pope protected feel about his veneration? "Well, besides the fact that he helped father Tim fondle my dingalingadongdong for like 10 years he was a pretty nice Polish midget." I don't understand how the Catholic church has recovered ANY moral authority after its terrible terrible record of child-abuse. If any other institution routinely covered up that kind of thing it'd be banned or destroyed. How is what Michael Jackson did any worse than what the Catholic Priesthood has done? In many ways it's worse, because no matter what Michael Jackson was he was NOT an authority figure. It's hard to look up to a man whose best friend is a chimp named Bubbles, at least in my experience.

This pope centralized control of the Church under his command. He fought strongly to make sure that clergy could not marry (In faiths where clergy CAN marry they abuse children at a rate no higher than any other group of people, and probably considerably less. Ever hear about a Rabbi fondling a young boy? It's because A) Sexually confused people are not driven to join the Rabbinical order so they can try and repress their urges and B) If a Rabbi does get horny he can go home and have sex with his wife, thus discharging that sexual energy. He also is likely to have children of his own so he is more sensitive towards kids than the average celibate Catholic.) and helped funnel money into the various cover ups. How do we venerate a man who aided and abetted an epidemic of child abuse? How does ANYONE stay with an institution that allowed this to go on, I mean what exactly is more 'satanic' than molesting children in the name of God?

I'll never really understand religion nor those who follow it. It seems OBVIOUS to me that religious people and groups are just as flawed and problematic as any other, if not more so, and trying to cover for it. What is it about the veil of moral superiority that gives such comfort to people? I guess I wasn't born with that gene that makes feeling superior this great and wonderful thing. Sure it's fun to feel good about yourself, but it's even better to watch others raise their game and challenge you and then compete with them. Static hierarchies SUCK ASS.
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Masa of the force

Dear cable company

Dear cable company,

I was very excited to read on my bill about your brand new digital telephone service. It appears to be quite the deal, and certainly you will not be nearly as unreliable as my telephone company, which has had several stoppages of service over the last 100 years. Unfortunately when I attempted to call your customer service number so that I could partake in this exciting digital telephone opportunity all your lines were busy. This has been the case for almost 15 minutes. You'll forgive me if I state the obvious, but might you want to invest in your own wonderful service yourselves so that this does not happen?


A customer who didn't actually want to get digital telephone service but who did want to buy something from you and is being thwarted by the fact that despite servicing 2.3 million subscribers you apparently have ONE customer service telephone line.
  • Current Music
    Build Me Up Buttercup



Despite expectations to the contrary the pontiff has not risen from the death to become a professional breakdancer but has instead remained dead. In other news Jesus has still not returned to earth, despite an absence of nearly 2000 years. It is suspected that he got directions from Mapquest and may be lost somewhere between the heavenly plane and Terra. Catherine Zeta Jones' vagina has been ruled out after extensive testing by scientist Michael Douglas.

"I just don't get it" declared Popelover and Jesus expector Marla Lee Wilson. "Why's the world following the expectations of them thar scientists instead of a bunch of totally uneducated cultists who clearly outnumber them."

When reached for comment actual Scientist Jim Downing replied "Well on the surface it would seem that actually paying attention to how things work and systematically studying the world is a better strategy for learning facts than interpreting words from a 2,000 year old work of fiction, but in truth who knows. I bet the Jesus people are pretty accurate. Could you ask the pro-lifers to stop shooting at me and my children? I totally renounce abortion, just let my family alone."

As for the pope, after his cardiac functions ceased and brain activity disappeared he has shockingly continued to be dead, much like other celebrities. We promise to keep you updated on the complete lack of progress in his condition.

In other news some Muslims blew some stuff up in Thailand or something, we don't really know, all reporters have been sent to Rome to watch the scripted funeral of a dead old man.
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    annoyed annoyed