April 14th, 2005

Masa of the force

I'm going to do it

So it looks like I'm actually going to do this thing. I've been sort of thinking about it idly for awhile, but the more I actually think about it rationally the more sense it makes. I'm going to give comedy a shot and see what happens. At the very least it will be a humbling experience that will teach me just how much more I have to learn, which I expect to be quite a lot.

I talked to my boss about it and he seemed supportive. He said that in his honest opinion I had the necessary talent (though there will be those such as drederick who will dispute that. There are plenty of people who told Larry David he didn't have what it took, and everyone else worth his salt to boot.) and that it is indeed a route into the industry. It's one I can try without compromising my integrity or working shitty jobs (although shitty day jobs may be a necessity and, in fact, a boon along the way. But if they're not in your career ladder I don't think they'll be quite as depressing. I hope I hope.) A year ago I didn't have the skill or discipline necessary to produce material on a regular basis, nor the confidence to share it, but I do now. I've been reading a book called "How to Write Funny" and in my honest opinion I'm funnier than almost all the authors in it (It does have a chapter by Dave Barry, who is a comedy god.)

I'm in New York, there are plenty of clubs and open mic slots. I'll work out an act over the next few weeks and come May I'll drag a friend down and try it out. This is exciting and it's time. My boss agreed that I'll probably die out there the first time, and the third, and the hundredth. He said it's a five year process to have a shot, although I hope that it goes a little quicker than that. I plan to explore other avenues at the same time, namely blanketing the entire known world with writing samples and job aps and working up freelance work to submit, as well as continuing the screenplay writing process. I'm sticking all of my irons in the fire and hoping that one comes out hot.

As part of this process I'm thinking about changing this journal a little. Right now it's a mix of my writing and my 'true' journal entries. I think that turns people off and reduces the audience significantly, since people who might like my comedy stylings don't necessarily want to hear political whining or "I'm fat and women don't like me" bullshit. I have two choices there. Either make the whiny stuff friends only or move the more "professional" stuff to a different journal and separate the two. I will let the current readers decide since I don't really care either way. If I do make the stuff friends only I'll probably friend everyone who has me friended because I know you are all waiting with baited breath to read about the next time I bump into LHG and have to write 5000 words about how incredibly gorgeous she is and what a worm I am in comparison. BATED BREATH.

Poll #475044 Ch-ch-changes

Friends only or separate pro journal?

Make your whiny crap friends only please
2(13.3%)
Comedy belongs FAR away from tragedy! NEW JOURNAL!
2(13.3%)
I don't care but I insist on voting anyway because I'm a fakingsincerity class moron
6(40.0%)
I like paste quite a lot
2(13.3%)
It's good
3(20.0%)

Do you still want access to the whiny crap

HELL YEAH! It makes my life look better in comparison
11(73.3%)
I don't care one way or the other
0(0.0%)
Just make with the funny, bitch
1(6.7%)
Sometimes Mrs. Oakenbritches tells us not to eat the paste, but I do
2(13.3%)
She gets mad and slaps me in my special place
1(6.7%)

Anything else that you'd like to share?

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More stylings. PLEASE PROVIDE CRITICISM

The FCC is tightening regulations as to what constitutes obscenity on TV. They say that they will not be allowing any more valueless garbage that rots the minds of innocent children on the air. In other news, the 2006 State of the Union address will be the first one to go untelevised since the 1960’s.

With this return to values based entertainment some states are looking at old TV shows as potential allies in the battle against teenage sexuality. Arkansas and Kentucky are teaming up to teach proper sexual behavior through the show “All in the Family” while Texas plans to battle sodomy with “Leave it to Beaver.” When asked whether this wasn’t a waste of taxpayer money, Arkansas Education Department spokeswoman Sue Ann McCoy responded “Can you think of a better way to retard teenage sexuality than to get them to think about Rob Reiner and Sally Struthers having sex?”

Graduate students at Yale and Columbia are threatening to go on strike this week. The students have said that they will no longer teach any formal classes but will continue to educate freshman girls in impromptu human anatomy study sessions.

A recent probe has revealed that a federal disaster agency paid for more funerals than there were dead people in the last Florida hurricane. Jeb Bush warned the federal judiciary against getting involved and stated that he was committed to his state's "Culture of graft."

George Bush threw out the ceremonial first pitch at the home opener for the Washington Nationals. Before tossing the ball he declared "This ought to be as easy as a land war in the Middle East." The ball proceeded to fly high and wide of its mark, knocking over a peanut vendor's vat of boiling oil and causing approximately $89 billion in damages.

Oregon's high court has annulled thousands of gay marriages performed there last year. The majority of the marriage certificates were handed out to lesbians and their is a federal appeal pending based on the fact that requiring nearly 6,000 women to revert to pretending they have an interest in sex is cruel and unusual.

Jermaine O'Neal spoke out against a controversial decision by the NBA to restrict incoming players to 20 years of age or older. He said he believed it was a racially motivated policy. Commissioner David Stern dismissed the argument, stating unequivocally that the decision was motivated purely by greed.

A group of vigilantes is patrolling the border between Arizona and Mexico, calling themselves the Minutemen. When asked whether the name was a reference to the famous force during the revolutionary war leader Chris Simcox shook his head and stated that it was "Just something our wives came up with."

Tom Delay defended himself against recent allegations that his campaign overpaid his wife and daughter for services they provided during his run for re-election. Delay pointed out that the payments to his family was "Nothing compared to what we spent on whores!"

A recent comprehensive survey of female sexuality has revealed that Swedish women are the quickest to have sex with a man after initiating a romantic relationship. In unrelated news five NBA teams and the whole of Death Row Records has decided to relocate to Sweden.
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